After many years browsing this site "usually after a heavy loss looking for a way out of the depression caused by said loss I've reached breaking point. I'm done with using gambling as my escape . Im done with working all week just to pump it into the slots/roulette in an evening. I'm done with lying about gambling and why I've got debts and no savings . The wins are pointless as they only go back to the bookies and the losses just fill me with anger and stress. When the fun stops stop has only just rung true ..I've accepted I'm beat and can never win my brain/personality isn't wired to gamble responsibly so what's the point. Over the years I've self excluded from countless online casinos but have always found a way to open another account at some new/shady online casino . I've gone months before without gambling but always kept one account with a deposit limit open for my "ritual" weekend football bet..in hind site I think that's kept feeding the addition because it's always the football win or "close calls" that has sent me onto slots/roulette ect then the inevitable of chasing losses starts and never ends well. This weekend I came completely clean with my partner and I've installed gamblock on my phone. I'm hoping this is enough to break the cycle/addiction once and for all! But time will tell I guess and it's very very early days but everyone has to start somewhere..DAY 2.
Welcome to the diaries Minksy.
Respect for realising that gambling was not in your best interests and also for admitting to your partner that you have a gambling addiction.
"I was once told that "Honesty is the cornerstone of recovery."
Looking forward to following your progress and wish you every success in reclaiming your life.
Aum ?
Thanks.
Day 3.
Day 4
Day 5 and...I really want a bet/escape . My brain is trying to make the irrational rational and justify me not paying the full year of gamblock when the free trial runs out In 3 days because "this time will be different and I'll be able to gamble responsibly"..I know that's b******t and I'll end up back in the vicious cycle but that urge seems stronger than the potential loss of money ATM. w*f is wrong with me?
Also noting for future reference for myself that I've had a few beers this evening and alcohol definitely does and 'always" has made the urges to gamble much stronger for me personally..
Day 6. And my urge to gamble
is definitely at its peak. To the point that I've just found my old laptop and waited an hour and a half for it to charge back into life. My phone has gamblock and my partner won't let me go on her phone "rightly so" as it's obvious what I want to do .. I feel pathetic. Day 7 may not come..
Thanks for the support. Great website ?
Dear Minksy1989,
Pushing through those urges can feel tough going, remember an urge does not last and distraction can be a way of dealing with them and writing on here if it helps. In the Peer Aid chatroom they sometimes say 'surfing the urge' others may think of it like a passing train...whatever helps. It is normal to feel edgy and have urges, especially in the early stage of recovery, you can always talk it through one to one with us as well via our helpline and LiveChat.
Best Wishes,
Fiona
Forum Admin
Day 4 again...2k blown on slots over the weekend and even tho I know it's gone I'm struggling to accept that fact ?
And although I've got blocks In place it's like I'm having a battle with my own mind about ways I can bipass them blocks just to play/throw away my last 1k savings . Honestly don't even think it's about the potential win or probable loss anymore just that rush/escape in-between?...
Day 8. Made it through the weekend. Thats a positive I suppose.
Well done ?. Keep it up you have got this ??
Day 17. Bank account has a block for gambling transactions but I'm due to inherited and quite substantial amount of money and my brain is starting to nag that I could cancel it and play to a sensible deposit limit this time...
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
