Get busy living... Or get busy dying..

Hi Blondie, it sounds really tough what you're going through at the moment. You're a survivor remember, a hell of a lot tougher than you think, you will find that strength you need from somewhere. You know as well as I do that these up and down days are part of the course, you have to ride them out. You are facing up to so much more than just gambling now which although it sounds harsh is brilliant as well because it's the only way to exorcise those demons. The gambling will try to tempt you whilst you're vulnerable but keep strong. It's always horrible when you fall out with someone you love, he I've no doubt is numb and hurting too, hopefully you'll make up sooner than later. Keep going Blondie, get through every day or every hour if necessary and I promise you very soon you will feel better and tougher than you ever felt before. Steve

Hiya Blondie...

lovely to see your post there...as you can see i'm struggling today with work stuff...

I have seen your posts on other peoples diaries and you sound like a lovely person...as everyone on here who posts to me is..

Don't ever worry about posting on my diary lovely...the problems I had with my ex were not just gambling ..that was just a symptom of other stuff for us as it ran far deeper than that.

My behaviour was shocking and bordering on violence but that was my own demons coming out which i'm trying to sort through now....

Pretty much everyone who posts on my diary are all gamblers in recovery but I see us all as in the same boat..

I always identify with everyone in some way and i'm sure we are all the same people underneath..I have my own vices that are equally destructive and atone point was bordering on being alcoholic.

Drop in anytime Blondie...I know sometimes my diary can be hard reading but i tend to type when things pop in my head so it comes out in a big post.

Just to reassure..I worry like mad that something may write may make someone uncomfortable on my diary but hopefully people can see i'm coming from the same place and just trying my hardest to recover from all the damage I've caused myself and also to others ...

We are all together on here..in the same boat...and its great to see you ...

Pop in anytime and i shall also keep reading ...

Big hugs lovely

Rachel and Dotty (my dog) xxx

ps HI Five to the Superwomen!! lol xx

Ello Blondie me luv,

Just take things a bit at a time and see how they go, if you feel you need the anti d's then start taking them, if you'd rather carry on without them then leave them in the draw. And only you can know if you feel you need to open up to boyf. I know telling my hubby would be a mistake but whether that is ever or just at this point I don't know yet. One bit at a time.

You've an awful lot to contend with and I completely understand about feeling like it's coming from all angles. But you are not gambling and compounding the problems, you are facing things and that takes such courage. That same courage WILL get you through this time in your life and onto a much nicer, happier part. More hugs coming your way. {{{}}}

Hi Blondie,

thanks for the post and well wishes. You are doing fantastic, 30 days a real achievement.

Keep reading and posting and fill that time up with great things. Stay positive, keep strong.

IanB. x

Hi Blondie

Well done on 30 days - great going! I know you've had a rough couple of days too, but it's fab to see you still fighting and still going strong!

Thank you for your kind words on my diary - you and I are so similar in many ways...

Keep up the fight Blondie, you're doing great! xx

hi Blondie, im hope you feel more comfortable now, just think how amazing is being gamble free for one month and how proud you should be.... i m really glad to be your brother in arms in this fight.... stay strong and safe. K.

Gambling demons 0 Blondie 31

The sun is shining outside and inside today. Today is a good day, after the past 2 days of high emotions and lots to deal with and the gambling demons on my shoulder, today i feel like im making progress.

I came through it and i feel stronger and i didnt throw the towel in like i normally do.

Its amazing once you open up your mind and your heart what you can achive in a short space of time, I know that i have to lower the bar, there is no such thing as perfection, I am human and i get it wrong sometimes but im more open and willing to accept that. Im a work in progress, and progress is good. 🙂

I had a long chat with my BF last night and tried to explain why i avoided the conversation about me being off work and although he feels like ive left him out in the cold a bit, he understands the reasons why, I could of handled it better and lesson learnt next time i will. I knew as soon as i met him that i had found a good guy and for that im thankful.

Im going to my first G.A meeting tonight, although im absolutly bricking it i know that im ready now to take the next step in my recovery not just by stopping gambling but by working the steps and improviing the person that i am and getting to where i want to be. My personal journey over the last 30 days has highlighted lots of things to me and i suppose if i think about them all my head will fall off, but im aware of what i need to work on and im willing to do that, One day at a time.

I know none of these things will fix overnight, but im willing to put in the effort everyday to improve them and i know with time they will.

So today is a good day, tomorrow may be differnt but i dont care because its not here yet i will tackle that when it comes. I am building my body armour as each day passes and im getting stronger and it feels good

Thank you as always to everyone who has posted on my diary, You inspire me everyday to be a better person and to stay gamble free.

SO LET THE SUN CONTINUE TO SHINE.

Blondie day 31. And very thankful

Great to hear such a positive post Blondie, you're going through so much and handling it so well. Your bf sounds like a goodun and in the long run it will be a relief that he knows. Going to G.A. For the first time is always a little nerve wracking or at least it was for me but it's all good. Keep going, you're doing so well, Steve.

Hi Blondie,

Well done on the 31 days gamble free, u r doing gr8 🙂

I hope the meeting goes well 4 u 2nite.

U should be soooo proud of urself 🙂

Stay strong and keep going xx

Hi Blondie, thanks so much for your post on mine. You're post are so inspiring.

Good luck tonight with the meeting, I admire your strength, honesty and your positivity. I hope it goes well for you, and you're walking on air when its over.

Stay strong,

All the best

Cameron

lol - FMM?!.. Think that's definitely taking it a bit too far!!

Thanks for your post as ever Blondie! It is so lovely to see how you're progressing.. I just love the positivity of your posts!

Glad to see you're opening up with your BF and things are going in the right direction for you!

Keep going girl! xxx

Just popping my to 'show my face' so to speak, sooo lovely to hear you sounding brighter my lovely - long may it last! 🙂

Day 32 in the big brother house.......

So i attended my first G.A meeting last night which was great, Im so glad i made the effort today and i think its another piece of my armour to make me stronger to fight the gambling demons.

The stories in the room are exactly like here, your welcomed with open arms and i didnt feel like a newcomer for to long as we are all the same, "one bet away from never being gambling free for the rest of our lives" , and as ive said before I will take as much help as there is out there to beat this thing.

I seem to be having a rollercoaster morning already, still trying to work things out with the BF its just soooo difficult, but i know im definatly handling things much better, i know there are things to work on on both sides and im not running away anymore, but ultimatly we love each other and we are both commited to make it work, it hasnt been easy the past 2.5 years but neither of us what to throw that away, so there is hope, which is always a good thing.

I still feel postive and strong today and i am really starting to embed the "Just for today" as part of my life, So just for today i will not gamble, and i will try to live through this day only and not tackle my whole life problems at once.

So now to the the Jeremy vile bit ( Littlebit)

Im waiting for the dna testing...... hahahaha.

No serious now, I am off to a caravan for the weekend with my BF, My youngest daughter who is 12 and her best friend from school, my mum and 2 dogs which should be interesting lol, but im really looking forward to it, i might even brave a bikini and get in the open air pool lol.

So no posts from me untill monday, but dont worry i wont be gambling i will be having to much fun with the people i love.

Its back to work on monday for me, which i will deal with on monday.

Thank you everyone for your continued support on my diary, have a lovely weekend and enjoy the sunshine, Inside and Out.

Blondie xx

Score so far Blondie=32, gambling demons = a big fat zero

Yo,

Have a super duper weekend. I will keep my fingers crossed that this glorious weather hold out.

Have lots of fun and come back ready to continue the good fight.

Dont forget to bring me back a stick of rock, or some fudge. Me I'm not fussy lol

Dusty xxxxx