Get busy living... Or get busy dying..

have a good holiday and look forward to hearing from you on DAY 14 gamble free.

Hi Blondie, thanks for ur support on my diary 🙂

U r doing gr8, stay strong!

Enjoy ur holiday 🙂

Day 14, 2 weeks

Day 14 and i can happily post i am still gamble free. Not sure if i like 2 weeks better but either way its a massive achievement for me. Had a great time away and feel pretty relaxed.

I have my first appointment with the grief counseller tomorrow and i will go with an open mind and hope i can start to work through how im feeling about my dads death.

Its pay day for me in a week which ive been thinking about its always a tricky time for CG but ive had money for the past 14 days and still not gambled so im ready to continue the work ive done so far and take it one day at a time .

Blondie day 14... and moving on up

Hi Blondie, well done on the 2 weeks gamble free. Ur doing gr8 and u should be really proud of urself.

I am glad u had a nice holiday 🙂

Stay strong and keep going 🙂

Hi Blondie,

I'm very sorry to hear about your dads death. Very sorry. A very big congrats though on 14 days. Feel proud of yourself. It's a big big achievement. I hope to get there myself someday. Stay poised , and enjoy life.

Hi Blondie!

Well done on 2 weeks!! Great achievement!

I really hope the counselling has a positive effect on you. I was in a similar situation where my gambling got out of control after my father passed away and the counselling really helped me to come to terms with his death instead of using gambling to block it out.

It may be a painful process initially but as long as you let yourself, you can come out of it with many positives.

Stay strong x

Hi blondie

Well done on day 14. I hope tomorrow goes well for you. I will check in tomorrow to see how you got on.keep up the great work.

Day 15.. A tough one i think

So 15 days in and i feel numb, its gona be a tough day for me i have my first appointment with a grief counceller later today to try and start working through some of this emotion about my dads death.

If im honest im scared, im scared about opening that box that i have buried in my stomach for the past 5 months, im scared that when i open it it wont stop, and im scared that the emotional day ahead will make me take my default option out and gamble.

I know this is something that i have to do to help me in my recovery, I was up late last night reading peoples diarys to gather some strength and hope that i can come out of this the right side.

I keep telling myself over and over, Just for today i will not gamble, i hope it helps me fight the urges.

Blondie.. day 15... and moving on up, x

Hi Blondie,

Well done on 15 days. I hope your appointment today goes well. It's a very difficult thing to come to terms with. Seeing a counsellor is a really good way forward, I have been having weekly sessions for a few months now fro differing reasons. Just be very careful please after your session. From experience, I am at my weakest when I have just left the session or before a new one approaches. The sadness and the fear. I know not everyone is the same, but proceed with caution and I am sure things will settle down for you soon. I have learnt to book something else straight after my sessions to help me focus on the positive. Stay strong.

Sincere best wishes. IanB.

I've just popped in to thank you for your support on my thread and to offer you mine on a difficult day for you. Really hope your appointment is going/has gone well. Please don't beat yourself up because you haven't 'moved on' after 5 months - grief doesn't have a time-scale. We all cope in our own way and it'll take as long as it takes for you to come to terms with your loss. Like I said on my thread I think you are really brave. x

Reading through this forum lots of people turn to the escape of gambling because of greif so maybe going to see someone to deal with the death of your father will help you understand your behavior more.

Im sure most of us on here have a battle to stay gamble free but im told the more you stick at it the easier it gets.

I find when ive had a disappointment in my dad to day life I turned to gambling , if id had a bad day at work , arguement id turn to gambling and for many years gambling was a way of escaping greif or at least turning your attention to something else , having that "buzz" of gambling made you look forward to gambling.

But the huge downside of gambling is the awful losses which will occur in the end and this coupled with other day to day problems makes life so so hard to the point at times me and others have considered suicide.

I find that if I try to face my problems now without the need of gambling its tough but I come through it , just this last few weeks have made me a happier person just by not worrying how much I might lose on the roulette machine should I get tempted.

I hope people stay strong and keep fighting this illness and with the help of everyine on here we will find a way to beat this demon !

Good Luck to all

Hi Blondie

Just wanted to offer u some support and say well done on the two weeks , I really hope the counselling works for u it made all the difference for me so I wish u well

Also noticed how supportive u are on this site and think that's great esp with everything ur dealing with urself

So well done and be proud of urself knowing ur helping others

Castle2

How are you doing blondie? Thinking of you. x

Thank you everyone for all your support on my diary, i cant express how much it means and what great advice people have offered. Its always good to get another perspective on things.

A double post today purely because its been so emotional for me and i think i need to express how im feeling. I hope that when im 100 days gamble free that i can read my diary back from start to finish and see how far ive come.

Today was traumatic but i always knew it would be you see ive played the strong one for the past 5 months and looked after everyone else and some where along the line i forgot about ME.

A week after my dad died my mum fell ( a bad reaction to some tablets the doctor had prescribed) and broke her ankle in 3 places, so a week later i found myself back in the trauma unit where i had been with my dad. That evening they kept my mum in hospital, they had to let her out the nexy day as it was my dads funeral.

I stayed at my mums that night and her dog who was 12 had fallen down the stairs the following day i had to take him to the vets to be put to sleep.

All these things happened in the space of 2 weeks, and for the past 5 months my mum has been my focus of worry, i have done this all out of love and not duty so im not playing the poor me card.

My mum is walking again with a crutch all be it with some difficulty, and has had 2 sessions of councelling, that womens strenght amazes me every day, She lost her soul mate of 50 years.

All through out this past 5 months ive had something to focus on apart from my dads death, i also had gambling which gave me that escape i so craved rather than having to deal with how i was feeling.

I have always set such high expectations on myself, I dont demand them from other people its just this bar that i have set for myself which i now realise is to high.

I am a mother, a girlfriend, a daughter, a sister, a manager and a friend, ive always been a support structure for people, a shoulder to cry on, a solution provider, a go getter but i never fully open up to people because either i dont want them to see im vunerable like everyone else, or that i see it as a sign of weakness. (Im not to sure of that one yet )

Ive realised from today and past few weeks how ive been feeling that its not the answer. Its ok to say im having a cr** day, or i feel sad, or even better i need help, its not a sign of weakness its actually a sign of strength.

So today i remove the mask of superwomen and i will try and stop beating myself up that i should be over my dads death, that i shouldnt be feeling like this and take some of the advice that i have offered, Which is give myself some time and to not be so hard on myself.

Blondie day 15.... and slightly down but today i made the right choice and did not gamble.

x