Get busy living... Or get busy dying..

Hi Blondie,

Well done on the 22 days gamble free, u r doing gr8. U should be really proud of urself 🙂

I'm glad that u r finding the counselling beneficial!

Stay strong and keep going 🙂

Day 23 gamble free

Yesterday was another tough day for me, My second appointment with my counceller, i stood outside yesterday before i went in and thought "What am i going to talk about for an hour" and then you walk in the room sit down and it all just pours out, I sat there thinking "Where did that come from", I think it comes from my inner voice the one that i lost when i gambled, the one that told me what i was doing was wrong, but the gambling demon voice was much stronger then.

I think its also the saftey you feel a lot like here, that you wont be judged, that there is no right or wrong answer, "Thats just how you feel".

Even though the sessions are traumatic I really feel that it is helping me so much, I find a sense of releif when i let it out, I also find that the physical feelings that i had "Lump in the throat" seems to have gone also.

I think the sessions and the clear head from not gambling are allowing me to find that inner voice again and every time i fight off the demons it gets that little bit stronger.

Yesterday was also payday for me and i had quite a few urges throughout the day, I cant remember the last time in about 15 years when i havent gambled on pay day, I used to sit up till after midnight most months so that once my wages went in i could gamble.

I find my old self is coming back slowly, im much more open with people now, i Know its my default option when im emotional or struggling with something I clam up, but i find that taking the lid of the pandoras box that ive buried in my stomach is helping me to see that its ok to feel the way i do, and its also ok to share that with my family and friends.

So on day 23 I once again feel hopefull that i can arrest this addiction, "in small steps One day at a time"

Thank you as always to everyone who has posted on my diary, your words of support and wisdom continue to inspire me on my journey.

Blondie day 23

So pleased to read your update, must admit I was a bit worried for you yesterday. Not because I thought you'd gamble, because I was confident you wouldn't, but because I knew it was going to be a tough day for you. I can only imagine how traumatic the counselling is but it sounds like just letting it all pour out is doing you good. 🙂

Buddha again today:

“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.”

Hi Blondie

Just reading your post, you were exactly the same as me on payday. I used to wait up until 2am (when my wages would hit my bank) just so I could gamble. Then I would stay up the whole night before going to work the next day invariably having lost a stack!

Sounds like the counselling is having a great effect on you.

Keep going, you're doing great x

Blondie.

Just a quick line to say a massive well done in your taking 23 days of your life back from gambling, I think we all used to own the same prescription glasses "gambling googles" keep them binned life will continue to become more focused,most of all enjoy your recovery turn the stick called compulsive gambling that used to beat you and beat it back.

Duncs compulsive gambler NO BET today.

Hi Blondie, thanks for your post on mine.

Im so glad your couselling went well and that its releasing all the things that you've learned to bury inside. Never doubted that you'd be tempted to gamble, not for 1 minute, your resolve is too strong for that. 23 days, absolutely amazing !!

Take care, onwards 'n' upwards

Cameron.

Hi Blondie, big congrats on not gambling. Im very happy for you. It seems that hole left from not gambling has left a whole lot of room for good things to come inside. Like joy and pride and friends and most of all the spirit of giving.

And yet there is so much more . And part of that growth and road towards happiness requires a better understanding of ourselves. And there is time enough for that. Remember calm waters do not make for good sailors. Anyway, even though I don't post everyday I consider you and all the others who share on this site friends. My band of brothers and sisters who understand each others challenge. I'm proud of your good work. Your ship is a fine one!

Hi Blondie - I completely agree about the counselling. I have spoken to someone recently about how things are in general, and it felt really good to hear their thoughts and advice. What a release as well, a great opportunity that is often overlooked/dismissed by people.

Be proud of not gambling on your payday - and the next day, and the next day.... repeat ad infinitum!!

Keep it going!!

Hey Blondie,

As always it's a pleasure to read your diary and the real positive attitude you have adopted in arresting this cruel addiction.

Couple of things you said which I really relate to. Being more open with people is definitely number one. It feels good not having to hide doesn't it! It feels good feeling as though you can talk to people doesn't it! It feels good being at ease with yourself doesn't it! The best part of all is knowing exactly why this all feels good, we have not gambled and our lives are showing real signs of returning to a daily normality.

You put at the end of the post about tackling this day to day. At first I thought this day to day thing was just a rule or a method which may work for a few but honestly, with this addiction I truly believe it is the only way. If I was to sit and plan a week in advance I would go crazy I would need to bet I'm sure of it. However, by doing it daily I can say those famous "just for today" words and they help more than I ever dreamed possible.

You are putting all the necessary pieces in place, you are doing everything right so far and wow you are lovely so supportive so friendly so thoughtful. From reading your diary I notice there has been changes and this Blondie the just for today Blondie is the one who needs to stay!!

Have a nice day!!

Flagg

good morning Blondie... thanks for your support, i m really grateful... you doing all the right things and keeping all the pieces in the right place... on my last payday i went for an extra GA meeting and that was a good choice... these days we feel very vulnerable considering our gambling past... but this is the PAST, its gone, its happened and is not longer part of our every day routine however just for one present day... i' m glad you have found counselling helpful... we are in the same boat - counselling, GA and this forum are my brand new and very useful artifficial legs which help me to stand in new gambling free life... keep doing what youe are doing because you doing great.... all the best K.

Day 24

I know i always say it but again thank you to everyone for all your kind, thoughtfull words of encouragement and support, it really is helping me so much

Yesterday for me was about starting to make amends to my family and suppose myself, although i am always there for them and supported them in the physical sense I dont think i was there for them 100%emotionally, i was always somewhere else in my head, worrying about money, worrying about when i could gamble again, having half conversations because i was on my laptop gambling.

So yesterday I went to pick my mum up and i cooked her an nice dinner, then we went to take her dog for a walk, she is walking without her crutches now :), and we just talked and my head was with her 100% and it felt so good.

I was reading on someones diary yesterday that they had started cooking, its never been one of my strong points lol, but my daughter loves it so i ordered her a cook book and a cake baking set yesterday and when it comes we are going to bake.

I think im starting to realise the things that gambling took from me and in a way its making me angry which is also making me stronger, It took away the most precious thing that no amount of money can buy TIME .

So gambling demons, I am reclaiming back my life and my time to do the things i want to do and to spend the time i want to spend with my family before its to late, I realised how precious life is when my dad died in november, 24 hours that changed my life forever.

So just for today I will not gamble and I will reclaim my life and my time back, you have taken enough and i will give you no more its to precious.

Blondie day 24. and like rocky.... getting stronger x

Hi Blondie, thank u 4 ur kind words on my diary. It means alot.

U r doing gr8!

Stay strong x

Your last post made me think of this one:

Eat the d**n chocolate cake,

get your hair wet,

love someone,

dance in those muddy puddles,

tell someone off,

draw a picture with crayons like you’re still 6 years old and then give it to someone who is very important to you.

Take a nap,

go on holiday,

do a cartwheel,

make your own recipe,

dance like no one sees you,

paint each nail a different colour,

take a bubble bath,

laugh at a bad joke.

Get on that table and dance,

pick strawberries,

take a jog,

plant a garden,

make an ugly shirt and wear it all day,

learn a new language,

write a song,

date someone you wouldn’t usually go for,

make a scrap book,

go on a picnic,

relax in the sun,

make your own home video,

kiss the un-kissed, hug the un-hugged, love the unloved.

Live your life to the fullest so at the end of the day you’ll have no regrets, no sorrows, & no disappointments.

🙂

hi blondie00,

thanks for your post!i was in the same boat with you.every pay day was a battle with myself.every bonus i got from work was going to gambling.ok money lost.past is past.what i regret is the time i lost when gambling.money will come back again, time is not coming back...

you do the right thing giving more time to your mum and your daughter, gambling had isolated us from our loved ones.

you are on day 24 , you are doing just great, keep going, the journey will be long but it will definetely have happy moments.

we compulsive gamblers will be always cg but we CAN stay away from our demons and live just a normal life.we have the right to live a normal life as long as we dont gamble.

take care

Hi ya,

Just wanted to say, what a fantastic supporter you are to all on this site.

Just read your last post and your positivity and determination to turn your life around leaps out from your words.

Good for you, miss Stallone , you keep going honey.

Dusty xxxxxx