Going to keep this thread now!

Just popping in to make it easier to keep track of my number. It will be 29 weeks after this Friday, since I gambled.

On Friday 7th it will be 32 weeks since I last gambled. Just updating to say all is well.

Doing good freda. Happy for you keep going 

Trucking along nicely I see 🙂 x

Hi f,

Just touching the base with best wishes! looks like you have found very important piece of the jigsaw this life dishes out.

Keep putting it all together ? you got this girl!

S&B xx

Thanks, all 🙂

It will be 33 weeks tomorrow. 

I feel strong in my resolution in general, however the softer forms like a lotto ticket, sometimes appeal to me. They don't tend to trigger me, as an occasional thing. I do like the idea of having a small chance to win a large amount - with this in mind, I decided a sensible, less-gambly way to do this, was to take out a premium bond. I think that's what they're called. You give them some money to hold for you and you are entered into a prize draw every month, with the interest made from everyone's money. It's done by the government treasury.

I understand if Gamcare need to remove the above, it's just my way of evolving into being more sensible and sustainable, in my relationship to money. No greedy gambling company makes any money from my misery.

I made a will, this morning. It's not signed and witnessed yet but have been meaning to do this since I bought my house. Aside from leaving some family members a small token gesture, I'm leaving my worldy goods to a community organisation. Feels good to have this in order. I want my footprint on earth to help people who need it.

My relationship continues to trundle along pretty happily. I am loved. I am sad that I don't feel all that strongly. I love back but not in an earth shattering way. I do right by him, not sure what will happen down the line, when commitments are discussed. He does have a lot of anger and is a sarcastic person with quite a dark sense of humour. I accept this about him but don't always enjoy it. I hope he can heal some of this and become lighter inside.

Hi Freda , 

Thanks for posting and well done on 33 weeks , that is fantastic , keep up the good work . With premium bonds you can always take your money out without that risk of loss , however if there's an opportunity to win money then this could potentially be triggering .

Making a will is always a necessary and sensible thing to do for the future ,  It sounds like you have people around you who love and care about you, it is very kind that you would leave your worldly goods to a community organisation.

If you ever want to talk about your gambling or how you are feeling then please contact the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 . We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you would like to talk to one of the GamCare HelpLine advisers.

Take Care 

Kirk 

Forum Admin 

Thanks. I entered a raffle and am a bit too excited about it. Think I have to be careful with all things like this, going forward.

Boyfriend and I have fallen out. He can be moody, he says I can as well. The difference is, I will acknowledge it and apologise. He denies it and acts as if he is lovely 24/7. I struggle with moodiness in others. Particularly if I'm not feeling too great, or feel a bit low. Doubly struggle, if the other person can't acknowledge they're in a mood. He was very cold and distant yesterday and I thought he was in a mood with me. He said he wasn't but seemed puzzled as to why I thought he was. I was feeling a bit down anyway and got tearful when I got home. I didn't think he'd seen that I was crying, as I held it in until the door was almost closed. 

He asked what was wrong and offered to stay with me, instead of going to the gym. I said I was OK and just needed a cry. When he came back, he asked what was wrong and I said that I had felt a bit low and then thought he was being very cold with me but I didn't know why. He said he hadn't but eventually admitted he had been in a mood with himself and I said "That's what I needed to know. You said everything was fine but you were acting so cold and wouldn't even look at me. If you say everything is fine when you're not, I feel paranoid and scared because I don't know why you're being like that."

Thing is, if I'm a bit irritable or something because I'm stressed or have been rushing, if he asks me what's wrong - I tell him I'm feeling stressed. So he knows why I'm behaving that way. I understand it's not nice to be on the other side of it when you don't know why someone seems moody or snappy. He asked if I wanted to go to his and I said I still felt a bit wobbly, so if he was still a bit moody, I'd just stay at home. I explained I was a bit tearful and it would help to have a hug and some company but would probably make me feel worse if he was still feeling moody and couldn't be warm. He said he could, so I went. I knew I shouldn't have. 

He was moody with me but in a passive aggressive mean and dismissive way and I just lost my temper. I didn't have a go at him, I just went in the other room but it set me off crying again. He just has a mean attitude sometimes. I didn't want to talk about it then and there because I was upset and peed off but he kept asking what he'd done. I know it's not the worst thing in the world to be a bit sarcastic and passive aggressive but he was acting like I was mad for being upset. 

I've had my reservations for a while because some of the stories he tells me about how he speaks to people, I do think it's a bit mean. He has an attitude but won't acknowledge it. He's very disagreeable at times. He says it's just his sense of humour but I feel like he uses that as an excuse to be mean or not respect people's boundaries. He introduced me to his friends at the gym as his "b*t£h" and I knew he was just joking but he can go further than that and acts like people are being uptight, if they don't like it. 

I do feel there's something missing, like respect or even love for the way he talks to me sometimes. The rest of the time, he's lovely to me but I find his way really upsetting at times. It's always a "joke" but it doesn't feel like it. We've spoken about how people can be a bit OTT with political correctness and I agree with him there but he still uses slurs that can really upset people. It's an immature, aggressive sense of humour. For example, he has *** friends and doesn't have anything against homosexuality - but at the same time, he thinks it's funny to describe someone not being tough as "h**o" even if he's joking, that's not OK to do. He's belligerent, if someone checks him on it. He keeps getting banned on Facebook for using language like that. He doesn't seem to get that he may be talking to someone he's friends with, who doesn't mind and knows he's joking but it looks terrible to anyone reading it. I mean, when people go on like that, they usually have a lot of anger that they need to deal with, to have such an aggressive sense of humour. He thinks it's funny to wind people up and troll them. I just don't like it.

I realise I'm writing this as though it's a big deal, in great detail and I don't mean to be melodramatic but it helps me to describe what happened. He's a really nice person in general, kind-hearted etc. but I don't like the provocative aggressive side to him that comes out in his humour. He actually has quite a good handle on his temper, confusingly. I've seen him stay calm and not get angry when people do dangerous things when he's driving and someone put their finger up at him the other day and he didn't get that annoyed. 

I just don't know how to handle it when he's mean and snarky or aggressive in his humour. I do worry there's quite a disturbed, dark side to him.

Anyway, I tried to talk about it this morning and said "I think we were both a bit prickly for various reasons, last night" and he just said "no, I think I was fine, to be honest." I just gave up and went and put my make-up on but it's really upset me. 

As I say, it might sound like a little thing but this is not the first time this has happened. I can handle someone snapping at me or being sarcastic when they're in a bad mood but the thing that bothers me, is the not acknowledging it and taking responsibility for it. It's his attitude. I have to apologise when I snap but he never does anything wrong. It's not reasonable.

I don't know if I want to be with him anymore. I wanted to cry for the first couple of hours of my shift at work today. Just the coldness and unapologeticness of him. The lack of remorse. He still drove me to work and picked me up but he's just being cold. I feel really upset. Like I'm being treated like it's all in my head. 

Hi Freda I relate to a lot of what you've said. My husband is very moody and im afraid to say he has got worse as he's got older. He also says he's "fine " when he's not it drives me insane. Quite often the next day hell say " I felt so bad yesterday I could have chewed the head off a nail " . So why didn't he say that he was feeling rough I don't get it. It has caused a lot of trouble over the years we've been together 21years. Through really difficult patches I gambled a lot but not any more. Funnily enough now I'm not gambling , lying ,keeping secrets I feel stronger more able to deal with it , and I do. I totally understand when you say you are being treated like it's in your head. I can't give you relationship advice all I can say  decide if things are what you can cope with before you commit . Take care

We had a long talk where I thought we might break up, as he seemed unable to acknowledge how he'd behaved and also framed my behaviour as "having a go at him" which was genuinely very unfair. His daughters don't know he has a girlfriend, yet, as it's still only early days for them adjusting to their parents splitting. I was in the shower and heard his daughter video calling him. I stayed in the bathroom until he'd finished, as he was still in the next room - and the way he'd been sitting, she'd see me coming out of the shower. When the call ended, I just came out and said "I thought you'd have gone in the other room, with me being in the shower" not aggressive or raised voice at all. He said "oh, I moved so the camera was facing the other way, I'm not daft" I might have sounded slightly exasperated at this point and said "but I didn't know that from the other side of the door, so I had to wait in there". That was me having a go at him. 

Anyway, weirdly, when I said I needed him to help me and explained how difficult it is when someone is acting like it's all in my head. That that was why I got SO upset - I'm not a big baby and knew it was just over a little disagreement but it's the acting like it didn't happen when it did, that triggers me and I get very angry and/or distressed. For some weird reason, as soon as I framed it as me needing help with that, he was able to acknowledge his behaviour and say he would change it. I also discovered that it wouldn't bother him, if I snapped back at him. It was becoming difficult when he was being moody and snappy to not react and snap back. It was too hard. I feel like a bit of pressure is off, if he is going to accept that acting like that might result in me swearing at him or saying he's being a deek.

35 weeks since my last episode of gambling, although I acknowledge I've entered a raffle and it has made me excited and want to win. 

I feel closer to my partner now, talking about the recurring problem has eased frustration and removed the alienation and distance. I acknowledge and remind myself that I've witnessed some unhealthy behaviour from him but that I am capable of keeping myself safe. He exhibits some behaviours similar to borderline sometimes. However, these are few and far between. He has some similar borderline-y triggers to me, such as feeling ignored. It is difficult to feel ignored and he has lashed out angrily before but I have done the same, in the past, with other people. I know how it can happen.

It's fortunate I've met him at this point in my life, as I would not want to have a child with him. I think he has loads of amazing qualities that make him good at parenting but also the odd unhealthy one that feels a bit too close to home, for me. Saying something that could make a kid feel guilty and responsible for his feelings. It's so damaging, I'd find it hard to watch and co-parent alongside. He's a good guy but he has his issues.

I've done really well with weight-loss over the past few months and have lost at least 15 pounds. It's hard to tell, as I have unreliable scales. It's nice to be achieving something that I want. It has helped massively with the energy levels and generally feeling more comfortable in my own skin - and I've improved my fitness and lowered my health risks for heart disease and so on.

I would ideally like to feel connection with more people, as I have a historical tendency to stick to one person and rely on them. Overall, I'm doing really well, all things considered. 

Still no gambling to report, although I think that raffle entry has triggered some mild urges. Urges are not too extreme but still not ideal. They are mostly coming in the form of wanting to buy a scratchcard or lotto ticket. Not urges to play slots for hours but still troublesome.

My mood has definitely dipped recently. This time of year always seems to be a trigger. Darker nights, crumby weather. 

I tried to gamble the other day. Wasn't successful, due to Gamstop.

Does what it says on the tin ! Are you glad it stopped you ?

Yeah, I guess... Just being brutally honest, otherwise what is the point?! I have always found it difficult to completely close the door on gambling PERMANENTLY. I think a lot of CG's find this.

I wanted a little flutter, a day off from being "sober". I know I cannot gamble repeatedly and have a happy life. For me, one episode is fairly easy to pull myself back from. However, every episode id say roughly multiplies by 10, the likelihood I will gamble again in the next few weeks.

Funnily enough, the raffle which got me having similar-to-gambling feelings was cancelled, as she failed to sell all of the numbers. I had my money refunded. Probably for the best. It was to support someone's small business, so there was some `good intention mixed in with the urge to experience the excitement of "will I win?!!!?".

It is what it is. I'll deal with today and see where I get 🙂