Going to keep this thread now!

Thanks, charliesboy

I don't like when I get like this. I am full of self pity and bitterness. It's a trait my mother has and I don't like acting like her.

Like anyone else, I just want to be liked and included. When I'm well, I can see that it doesn't matter if petty people don't like or include me. I think there's still a feeling of shame, lurking in there somewhere, that it's me. That there's something about me that people just don't like. When I'm thinking straight, I can see that other people put more energy into being liked and suck up to people. I don't want to do that, so that is why I'm not as popular. Obviously I am nice to people but I do assert my boundaries and take no P**P from anyone and bullies and small-minded people don't like that.

Something that gets to me quite a lot, is that close friends often end up saying harsh and hurtful things to me. I don't know why people speak to me that way. It's really distressing, as I find it hard to trust people in the first place. I know when I was talking about it on here, people were saying "why do you put up with it?" the simple answer is, it has happened so many times, I think shall I start again? maybe everyone will end up speaking to me like P**P.

Boyfriend took me to Lidl to get me out of the house. I felt a bit uncomfortable because he tries to wind me up a lot and I don't like it. It feels a bit tiring and he doesn't seem to understand, when I try to explain it. I think a lot of men do that, to try to cheer you up and make you laugh but I just find it irritating.

Hello freda.. Thanks for popping by xx

Hope life is treating you well 

Love boo ??

Feeling much better, today. 

Back to my knowing that what petty and unreasonable people think of me, doesn't matter.

Must admit I use humour a lot especially at work, even with dying people. Sometimes it helps and lightens the mood and sometimes its just my coping mechanism for situations I maybe finding uncomfortable.

men really are from mars and women really are from Venus... its official.. we meet in the middle occasionally for some fun 🙂

Glad your feeling better

S.A

it will be 25 weeks on Friday, since I last gambled. With the 6 month mark around the corner, it's extra motivation to achieve that next milestone.

Nice one!!! 🙂

I went into the sea, last night. Something I've been missing. 

I love being in the sea! Sadly, there were loads of jellyfish, so I didn't stay long. My boyfriend took photos of me and I noticed I looked very big in my swimsuit. My shape has changed since the menopause started and I don't feel as confident in my skin. I felt mild shame. 

Have been very tired so far, today. Very lethargic. I am glad I walked home from his, about a 25 minute walk, as it forced me to do some activity. I'm at work tonight, for 4 hours, then have 2 days off.

Was very tearful today. I've been recently realising how nasty and aggressive some so-called lefty people can be. I think I have been like that in the past, too. So quick to criticise other people, yet espousing that we are not judgemental. It's this human virus that I would sum up as the "better than" virus. 

When it comes down to it, we often just have education and experiences that other people don't have. Maybe we've worked in mental health, with alcoholics or other addicts. We've seen and understood the ways in which good people make mistakes, or seek comfort in an unhealthy addiction. So we don't judge people for their vulnerabilities or mistakes. We understand that sometimes, the way the benefit system or employment system is set up, is harder to navigate when you have emotional problems. That the system seems to be set up in a way where it's very, very difficult to escape poverty, without breaking the law or exploiting anyone. We have compassion for the underdog.

However, lefties can be really nasty, too. We can be very full of ourselves and our superiority, yet be mean little sheets at times, ourselves. I have mocked racists for their appalling spelling - maybe more progress would be made by recognising that there is a link between less education and racism. Maybe they haven't moved in diverse circles and therefore understand less about different cultures. Maybe if I spoke to them like an equal, with respect, they'd open their minds and change their behaviour. 

I've seen lefties display really intolerant and bullying behaviour. I remember when the elderly Joan Rivers made a comment about something our local - NE England - lefties didn't like. Would you believe, they organised a protest called "Joan Rivers not welcome in (our city)" I mean, it was a nasty comment. I think talking about why it wasn't nice, why it was prejudiced, would have done. Sometimes lefties just want to hiss and boo at people as though they are pantomime villains. I don't know, something doesn't sit right. An elderly woman, being shouted at in the street? By the "better" people? I dunno….

I've been learning about "white fragility". That, apparently, white liberal types are the hardest to challenge when it comes to racism. They have built their personality around criticising other people and correcting them. Being "better than". They don't want to entertain that they could have gotten something wrong. 

Anyway, I'm starting to see that there are hissing vipers in those circles too. Not everyone who "performs niceness" is as nice as their performance. It's quite egotistical. 

Still going strong.

Struggling with menopause, body image, tiredness, mood.

I look forward to celebrating my 6 months on Friday.

Celebrated my 6 month mark, yesterday. 26 whole weeks without gambling!

That's awesome 6 months so pleased for you !! Keep it going freda

Freda,

That is a fabulous achievement. Good for you.

Lovely positive post to read.

RR

Well done girl!!! 

Keep making the right choice and continue to progress on self love/ care. You MATTER

S&B xx

6 months plus.

Nice one! 🙂