Going to keep this thread now!

Thanks for giving me a few days, Dave ❤️ Believe me, I am able to take a critical look at myself but I needed to get back on my feet, first.

I'm still hurting at times. Been really tearful today. 

I've got medical treatment coming up and it's daunting, facing it alone. I miss having someone to pick me up from work - I know that's the most random thing to miss but it's just having someone.

Still in pain and feeling anxious at times. 

I've done some laundry, changed the bedding, been outside in the daylight, eaten something green, done 30 minutes on the exercise bike, had a shower, washed my hair, brushed my teeth, put on deodorant. I'm going to work, in a bit. This is enough. I'm doing OK.

Yes your doing ok.

I think its good to remind ourselves of what we can do and what we do have, especially when feeling stressed about life. Some of the people that I support are not able to do the things that you describe without support. Its like the gratitude lists that you sometimes do. A good habit to get into.

I am grateful for my physical health. I am grateful that I have to take no medications for anything or pain killers because I am not in any pain.

Life continues... x

Thanks, Dave

I get regular massages too. I'm really kind to myself. 

As for living in the pain of the past... I feel my pain when it comes. I no longer mentally brood on what has happened but I let the feelings be felt. This works for me.

Feeling very empty and alone, today. This is a familiar feeling and will pass, as it always does.

Felt some mild determination to get jobs done around the house, this morning. As always, the difficulty with me, is wasting time on the internet, struggling to get started and feeling overwhelmed by the size of the task. 

I need to paint my kitchen and put a cupboard up. I'm going to make a start today, by removing screws and clips from blinds no longer used and filling the holes with filler. Making a start - the key to everything. 

Cheers, Dave. Yeah, vulnerable would also work as a description.

Well, I did the job I planned for myself, plus a little more. I often find this is the way. I suppose it is similar to the ODAAT approach. Break it down into parts and do the first part. Think about the subsequent parts afterwards.

I've been for a health screening including blood tests, this morning, since I was cheated on. Taking responsibility for my body and my health. The nurse had some reassuring stats regarding HIV, it's not as big a threat as it once was - particularly in straight, white men. I got all the info to keep myself and others safe.

I washed up, hoovered, went to the gym, did 11k steps in addition. I've been productive today. I was going to have a drink of alcohol tonight but am going to leave it. I feel more relaxed after the exercise. 

thanks, Dave. Yeah, doing a lot better without his toxic presence. Have more time to get on with stuff.

6 hour shift yesterday and walked my 10k+ steps. Didn't make it to the gym but because I went and helped my friend, for an hour.

She has 3 puppies and 3 adult dogs in the house, atm. Her eldest dog has just had a leg amputated. Played with the puppies for half an hour and gave her needy dog some fuss, as she is very sensitive and is unsettled by all the chaos. 

I kept my co-dependent tendencies in check, though. She made the decision to foster the puppies and has not asked the rescue to take them back, once her dog got sick - sooooo, she has created this chaos through her decisions and actions. Not my stuff.

I feel really sad today. Been selling people cards, chocolates and flowers all day, at work. 

I know he was a c****n and I'm better off without him but I feel a bit tender about Valentine's day, this year. Having been emotionally attached to someone recently, I just feel more lonely than usual.

I've done 9k steps so far and am going to walk to the gym and have a workout, shortly. I can exercise and feel sad at the same time.

I'm proud of myself. I feel really sad. Very tearful, but still went to the gym and worked hard. 

Home now, having a cry but I've also done almost 15k steps as well as a workout.

Thanks, Dave. Yes, I have observed in those of us prone to addiction, that we struggle to find the middle way. It's chaos, all or nothing, full steam ahead, then collapse. I am getting better and better at finding the balance.

I've been to the gym again, since. I've done my 10k steps most days but today my body is very weary. Turns out it was that hormonal signal that it's time to rest for a day or two, again. I will listen to my body.

No gambling to report. I feel nervous as the hospital treatment grows closer but it is manageable and just one of those things you have to go through.

Was going to try my first GA meeting tonight but the storm is pretty bad, here.

Hiya.. am back at the gym too, though I haven't actually used it yet, cos the swimming pool has drawn my attention plus sauna etc. I do prefer running outdoors even when the weather is bad.

Yes I relate to the all or nothing when it comes to addiction. A common theme for many of us.

Listen to our minds and bodies day by day, hour by hour. Stay in the moment and enjoy what it affords.

Take care.. S.A x

Thanks, guys

I struggle sometimes with people who don't accept friend requests on social media. I know it's not the real world, etc but it's hardly marriage, just accepting a request. You have filters, these days, to block people from seeing your posts, if you want to. I'm not talking about the inappropriate requests, if you send one to your ex or something.

Anyway....where I go dancing on a Sunday, a woman sent me a request, so I accepted it.... saw another of the people commenting on something, so sent him a request....nope. Saw him at dancing, this Sunday gone. I was tempted to avoid him completely but thought "no, I do not accept the shame this might make a person feel." I smiled at him, whenever we passed one another but didn't seek out conversation. Noticed my own growth, with this scenario. He looked more awkward than me. He was the one being cold, then having to face it. I did nothing to encourage shame in him. I didn't blank him. I could have. What's the point? Rather than make it about me and my pain at not being accepted and included, it was about him and his excluding behaviour. I don't know if that makes sense. It's not my baggage to carry. It's not about me. I have done nothing to cause someone to want to exclude me.

I'm doing good off this medication. Had to stop my thyroid medicine, two weeks before a treatment. Have the radioactive iodine on Thursday. Bit nervous but it needs to be done. 

Have to isolate for a little while but am using it as an opportunity to get things done in the house and make time for rest and meditation.

I'm back to the heaviest I've ever been. I just fell into the obese bmi category, by a few pounds. Uncomfortable with this but trying to be calmer about things and just gradually turn it around, accepting that it will take time.

Had my radio iodine therapy today. Feels so vulnerable going through this alone. There aren't meant to be side effects but it might take a few weeks to feel better, for my thyroid to slow down.

Hiya... just been reading your thoughts. I wouldn't get too worked up about "friends requests". The whole online world is superficial and shallow anyway. Must admit i'd have no idea how to set the settings so some people can see some stuff and others not.. so everybody see's everything. Its usually just pictures of me looking sweaty after a run anyway and the same people usually click the like button that clicked the like button several years ago of me looking sweaty after run. I am of course talking of facebook here and i'd never put anyway deep and meaningful on there anyway. I see it just as a place to say "look its me, am alive and this is what am up to". If folk don't accept my friends request, thats fine.. no big deal.

Hows your therapy going? I'd be interested to hear how one knows whether one has got an under active thyroid or over active thyroid and what it means. Am sure ive got stuff wrong with my body and hormones but i just don't know what.

Take good care... S.A x