Goodbye, Mr. Chips

Well done chips! Keep going!

Been reading through your posts and it's very relatable for me, you've done well to get 71.. I guess your pretty close to day 100. Hope you make it buddy - stay strong!

Hi guys, just touching into the diary on the milestone Day 100 which has now arrived. Had a bit of a temptation on Saturday night as my mate was hitting the roulette pretty hard and it brought back old temptations - but the idea of losing money that I have earmarked for holidays or whatever else, outweighed any fun I might have had in the process or the slim possibility of winning some more. Temptation fended off and still going strong.

Hope everyone is doing well with their own struggles!

Well done Mr Chips on 100 days of winning.

Great milestone to reach.

Suzanne xx

Hi,

Thanks for your post on my diary. Great to read about your 100 plus days.

Best wishes

Dave

Day 154 has arrived and been converted into Day 1. I gambled last night. I was out with mates for Boxing Day and was really very drunk in the casino. They were gambling, it looked like fun and I couldn't stop myself. I set a £20 limit and stuck to it. I left with a tidy wee profit but I know this is danger territory for me because a win normally turns into a loss. Intention now is to take the money as a Christmas gift and work really hard on not going back with it.

So £100 won on Boxing Day £50 won on New Year's Eve... Alcohol fuelled bumps in the road and I think nothing worse.

Day 1. Aaaaaaaaarggghhh.

I clearly need to start again and reassess how I am doing it because I'm back to gambling every single weekend again. Finish up some weekends and feel great, finish down and feel rotten. Seems to be harming my mood and seem to feel anxiety again but not sure if that's mostly work related or what. Last weekend I won £50, this weekend I lost £50. It's pointless and an extra source of anxiety that I could do without. Anyway hey ho Day 1 is here again.

Still pretty much gambling every weekend. I blocked myself out of my last remaining account but finding easy haven in the casino. Watched my mate lose £1,400 across three spins of the wheel and he is absolutely gutted. Gave me a scare and reminded me of why I came into this forum in the first place. I won £100 so would seem an ideal chance to at least try and start notching up some days gamble free. God knows how I went from complete abstinence to being a regular again. Sigh. Only myself to blame here.

hi Mr Chips

Sorry to hear you have been going to the casinos. Did you know you can self exclude from multiple casinos now by joining the SENSE scheme? There's more information here: http://www.playingsafe.org.uk/sense-information

And give us a call on the helpline if you want a bit of support to get back on track. Details are at the top of every page of this website.

Best wishes

Forum Admin

Heya Emily and Admin. Sorry I've not been on here for a wee while. Cant believe how I've let myself slip into the old routine. I've gambled every weekend for the last 5 or 6 weeks. Of course I've either won £50 or broken even up to now and of course as always coming back on to gamcare follows a loss. Casino. Lost £55 first spin. Can't take money out as my current account is always nearly empty as I put most of my wages into a locked isa every month. So I borrow £100 from my friend. Lose that in one go. He tells me to write that off and not to give him it back. Of course that feels even worse than a regular loss so I'm not taking that from him. So he goes and risks £200 of his own money to get the £100 back for me. Thank god it came in as I'd have felt absolutely compelled to give him the full £300 back.

Then the morning comes and I'm doing it online on my own with my other half asleep in the other room. This time it's credit cards funding it as that's my only source of cash. £50 gone. £100 in. Back to even. £50 gone again. Risk £100 again. Back to even. Get scared and stop... Spend the whole day totally filled with guilt about the whole thing.

So this is where I've got to after my great run. Here's the negatives: 1) the guilt of exploiting my best friend like that; 2) knowing my best friend and I are dreadful influences on each other; 3) how much I have been enjoying it; 4) not stopping when I'm ahead; 5) ignoring the warning signs like I was doing before; 6) I'm breaking my own system by turning to credit cards for cash.

The positives 1) I always stop before the stakes get too big; 2) I've not lost a heap of money this time, yet; 3) I've saved a heap of money into my isa over the last 18 months or so since I came onto gamcare.

What do I do now? Try and scrub out the guilt I feel about my friend. I am confident that I would have paid him back if he had lost money in my name. Thankfully he didn't. Maybe take a step back from him for a wee while since I only gamble when with him.

The trouble is how much I enjoy it. I went to the casino in Venice in March and Newcastle a couple of weeks ago. Had a great time in both. It's when it stops being fun it really hits my conscience badly.

Emily you are a star.. The though of letting you down feels terrible.. I'm going to Vegas on 9th July with my other half. She won't let me gamble excessively or stupidly! My mission now is to make it to 9th July gamble free - back to basics. 90 days here I come..........

On the drink on Friday. Gambled. Lost a tenner. Tried to get it back. Ended up losing and losing and deposited far too much to get even. Why do I do these things and find it so much easier when drunk..

Well. I've been gambling every weekend. Roulette and blackjack. Small stakes. No excuse for it I just get the idea in my head and can't fight it.. 🙁

Mr Chips it's been over a year since I posted on your diary & having read it back I am upset with myself for not suggesting sooner that you get yourself some support! This addiction is not about the money, it's time to accept that your way, the 'sheer willpower' that you referred to last August just won't cut the mustard! Time to swallow your pride methinks, get some proper blocks in place so that gambling doesn't become second nature when you have a pint in your hand & get yourself to GA or arrange some counselling!

You can fight these thoughts that pop into your head but it's much easier to keep on fighting when you are standing with an army!

Time to get a grip before you cross any more lines! You can gift yourself recovery - ODAAT