This is my first post on my new shiney recovery diary.....I have been a member on here for a couple of years, logged in when times have been desperate then forget about it until the next time, but after lapse after lapse I am determined that my stupid actions on Friday night is the last time I lapse. For 48 hours I have been sick to my stomach at what I have done....gambling rent money and risking my marriage again after promising never to gamble again....... I have been so anxious that I have physically been shaking and sick several times.....why an earth do I do this to myself and to my husband. My addiction has caused so much stress to us......I'm not sure he will forgive again....at some point he will snap and I fear I have tested his patience and love for me far too many times.....THIS TIME I MEAN IT.....how many times have I said that to him!
Obviously at the moment it is all so raw that I have no thoughts of gambling.....it makes me feel sick to think of it....I can't ever think that I ever will again but I know that I have said that before....I HAVE TO BELIEVE IT....I have to remove the triggers...which is usually too much too drink and sitting with the laptop at night thinking I will just try 20 pound.....then before I know it I have spent everything and I'm left with nothing but stress and anxiety. Not wanting to get up in the morning when the realisation of what I have done kicks through my blurry eyes and head......
My first priority is to try and fix the fact that I may lose our home....rent arrears that nobody but me knows about....then the rest to follow....another sleepless night for me trying to think about how I can pay it without anyone knowing....
ONE THING I KNOW IS THAT I WILL BEAT THIS....I HOPE!!!
Welcome back moomoo67 🙂
How about a blocker for that laptop just in case when the sick passes the evil addiction tries to lure you back with false promises!?!
You've been here long enough to know the rest but I'm gonna say it anyway...Stay strong - ODAAT
Welcome back , you will get all the support you need on here , what is your vise ?
So my husband and daughter both know what I have done AGAIN! Will my marriage survive? I'm just home so time to talk about it face to face not by text! He is so angry and upset and disappointed and gutted and everything negative from the damage I have done. My daughter is being supportive but also upset and angry.
Hope everything goes well for you
Hi moomoo, so glad you found the courage to talk to you family and that your daughter is such a support. Your husband will calm down in time I am sure, and now they can try to help you can't they. I can't stress enough how important I've found it to keep checking in on this site and hope you find the same support from our co-soldiers. Best of luck with everything, let us know how you're getting on.
x
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