Day 76: no gambling today.
Day 77: no gambling today.
Day 78: no gambling today.
Day 79: no gambling today.
Day 80: no gambling today.
Day 81: no gambling today.
Day 82: no gambling today.
Day 83: no gambling today.
Day 84: no gambling today.
Day 85: no gambling today.
Day 86: no gambling today.
Day 87: no gambling today.
Day 88: no gambling today.
Day 89: no gambling today.
Day 90: no gambling today.
Day 91: no gambling today.
Day 92: no gambling today.
Day 93: no gambling today.
Day 94: no gambling today.
Day 95: no gambling today.
Day 96: no gambling today.
Day 97: no gambling today.
Day 98: no gambling today.
Day 99: no gambling today.
Day 100: no gambling today.
Day 101: no gambling today.
Day 102: no gambling today.
Day 103: no gambling today.
Day 104: no gambling today.
Day 105: no gambling today.
Day 106: no gambling today.
Day 107: no gambling today.
Day 108: no gambling today.
Day 109: no gambling today.
Day 110: no gambling today.
Day 111: no gambling today.
Day 112: no gambling today.
Day 113: no gambling today.
Day 114: no gambling today.
Day 115: no gambling today.
Day 116: no gambling today.
Day 117: no gambling today.
Day 118: no gambling today.
Delayed congratulations on the big 100. It might just be a number, but I think it's a very significant one - mindset changing and all that. Roll on 6 months.
Day 119: no gambling today.
Day 120: no gambling today.
Day 121: no gambling today.
Day 122: no gambling today.
Day 123: no gambling today.
Day 124: no gambling today.
Day 125: no gambling today.
Day 126: no gambling today.
Day 127: no gambling today.
Day 128: no gambling today.
Day 129: no gambling today.
Day 130: no gambling today.
Day 131: no gambling today.
Day 132: no gambling today.
Day 133: no gambling today.
I am looking to see out the rest of this month and then concentrate on the three months left of this year. I still have £3,500 of gambling debt around my neck, but will reduce that to £3,000 when I am paid at the end of this week. I am then looking to pay off at least £500 per month for the following three months. Debt of £1,500 at Christmas would be manageable, but ideally I'd like to knock it on the head and clear it by the end of the year. Therefore I need to find an extra £500 per month for the next three months that doesn't involve gambling or anything illegal. Hmm.
Day 134: no gambling today.
Day 135: no gambling today.
Day 136: no gambling today.
Day 137: no gambling today.
Day 138: no gambling today.
Day 139: no gambling today.
Day 140: no gambling today.
Day 141: no gambling today.
Day 142: no gambling today.
Day 143: no gambling today.
Day 144: no gambling today.
My diary is nearly two years old. Blimey, where does the time go? Still, I think this site has helped me so I am glad I found it during one of the lowest moments of my life back in 2011. I am nearly 150 days clean on my current stint and am feeling a lot better for abstaining from gambling. I still have debts (£3,000), but I am not obsessing about them. They will go in time. As long as I do not gamble ever again.
Day 145: no gambling today.
Day 146: no gambling today.
Day 147: no gambling today.
I had quite a strong urge earlier today. Not the kind of urge where I wanted to go to the bookmaker and bet on anything, but an urge to 'have another controlled go' at gambling on the horses. However, I know I won't be able to do it in the right way; instead of discipline, patience and selectivity, I'd get greedy, frustrated and wreckless. I have a compulsive personality and I bet for the thrill of it. That is why I must not gamble again, even though the devil on my shoulder is telling me to. There are three months left of this year and I need to see them out without gambling. If I can get to New Year's Day without a bet, I'll be in a much better place than if I start wading into the autumn racing calendar with uncontrolled bets and unaffordable stakes. Money is a bit tight at present: I've just taken out a new home insurance policy, paid for a language course, and am awaiting a number of household bills. I still have credit card debt, but I will keep chipping away at it until it is gone. It is ALL caused by gambling. If I had not gambled for the duration of 2011 and early 2013, I'd be at least £25,000 better off. Sickening.
Hallå.
Funny how gambling, or the need to gamble,changes our personalities. I could forward you an email from you a year ago that would make you wince - all about discipline, patience and selectivity. And I was nodding my head along to it at the time.
The thing that I realise now is that my problem is with the money, not with the game. I enjoyed playing the numbers, counting the cards and changing the stakes, and I have several periods of sustained winning. But sooner or later, the 'hit' isn't enough, and I have to bet more and more just to stay still, and then inevitably it all goes horribly wrong. Just writing this turned my stomach because it brought back very vivid memories of me a month ago, losing a fortune with no safety button to protect myself.
Anyway, let's get some decent water under the bridge.
Day 148: no gambling today.
Day 149: no gambling today.
Day 150: no gambling today.
Day 151: no gambling today.
Day 152: no gambling today.
Day 153: no gambling today.
Hey Pelle
Long time no speak (my fault)
I have read through your diary from January
I see you have had some slips but also racked up many many gamble free days!
Well done for coming back strong
Did you tell your partner about the slips?
If the answer is no can you please tell me how on earth you manage to control yourself after you binge gamble because I need to learn?
At what point did you get to before you said 'right im going gamble free again' and then started building up your gamble free days
Because you seem to binge but then have the willpower to stop and rebuild
I binge and then I just binge some more until I literally am blowing everyones money as well as my own and then I have to tell everyone ive fallen off the wagon
Its just a vicious circle
Im currently £1200 in debt after being at £0 10 days ago.
At the minute I just feel like keeping going because im pretty screwed right now and I don't see a way out
How do I talk myself out of that and make the right decisions?
I just don't know
Great to see you doing well and hope the wee one is well mate
NI
Hey Pelle
Long time no speak (my fault)
I have read through your diary from January
I see you have had some slips but also racked up many many gamble free days!
Well done for coming back strong
Did you tell your partner about the slips?
If the answer is no can you please tell me how on earth you manage to control yourself after you binge gamble because I need to learn?
At what point did you get to before you said 'right im going gamble free again' and then started building up your gamble free days
Because you seem to binge but then have the willpower to stop and rebuild
I binge and then I just binge some more until I literally am blowing everyones money as well as my own and then I have to tell everyone ive fallen off the wagon
Its just a vicious circle
Im currently £1200 in debt after being at £0 10 days ago.
At the minute I just feel like keeping going because im pretty screwed right now and I don't see a way out
How do I talk myself out of that and make the right decisions?
I just don't know
Great to see you doing well and hope the wee one is well mate
NI
Six weeks already, Pelle. I imagine that's a good sign from you. Are you still gamble-free?
Abandoned diary alert! Update required!
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