Ground zero

Well done on your first week, Pelle. The only way is up. Clearing the toxic Ccs seems like a good idea.

Roll on 2015

Hi Pelle,

11 days now? 2014 is nearly over, hope you can keep abstaining well in to 2015. If you do, life will surely improve.

Keep posting.

I am 11 days clean and looking forward to getting my teeth into next year. Currently relaxing in front of an open fire and looking forwards not backwards. Next year has to be better than this year. God help me.

Hi Pelle,

Well done for getting to the end of the year, hopefully you are on to fourteen days gamble free today. As you said, you know you have to embrace this year and get on with dealing with that gambling debt. That particular T-shirt is one I have worn several times myself, and as you know the financial situation just gets better without gambling.

All the best mate,

Ryan

Have you read over your early entries recently? I've just done yours (and mine) and they're fascinating and horrific in equal measures.

Happy New Year

Week 2: no gambling this week (14 days clean).

I survived New Year banged up with my family. It was actually rather nice and I wish I could see more of my parents. I am still somewhat edgy and irritable (because of my financial situation) but am definitely feeling better than I was two weeks ago. I have received four new credit cards the collective credit limits of which moreorless cover my current debts. Hopefully all of my toxic gambling debts will be cleaned and interest-free by the end of this month. The task of paying them all off will then commence in earnest.

No urges at present. Just disappointment and regrets.

Getting there very slowly.

Hi Pellekanin,

Thanks for your post the other day.

One day at a time things will get better for you without gambling.

Keep strong

Ade

Week 3: no gambling this week (21 days clean).

Someone said it takes three weeks to break a habit and a lifetime to beat an addiction. At least I have managed the relatively easy part. I have not had any urges but am well aware that they can strike at any time. Luckily for me I have multiple self-exclusions in place and those barriers should protect me in any unforeseen moments of weakness. My finances have stagnated recently and my debts are likely to get bigger this month owing to several hefty bills plus my self-assessment tax return for which I am not prepared and can barely afford. Still, my situation would have been worse if I had continued to gamble. Not long ago I was throwing away thousands of pounds on individual football matches and two-minute horse races. Bonkers. At least I have managed to shift the majority of my toxic gambling debts onto interest-free credit cards, which will give me a little breathing space and stop me being hammered by interest payments each month. I am setting myself a very ambitious Debt-Free Day of 1st April 2016. I will only get there by complete abstinence from gambling, hard work and thrift. I decided not to leave my workplace pension scheme (in hindsight that would have been a reckless move) and have instead decided to get my nose to the grindstone and push for a payrise. I would be earning a comfortable salary if it wasn't for all the debts I need to pay off. I guess this is my punishment.

Onwards and upwards, little by little.

Hope everythings good mate, don't forget your 2015 challenge check in!

Week 4: no gambling this week (28 days clean).

I am approaching a full month gamble-free and I do feel a lot better than on the 20th December 2014 when my house of credit cards came crashing down following a series of reckless and terrible losses on the horses and the football. My debts have not improved since then, but at least they have not got worse. This month is a tough month financially for everyone, but I am really struggling to get by - I want to start hammering my debts, but I have so many other expenses to deal with first, including my tax return, which I have not budgeted for and will thus stretch me to the limit. Hopefully February will be a better month in terms of debt repayments.

I am not having any urges at present - I think I am in the situation where I know my debts are too high and unaffordable to even contemplate gambling again - I am clinging to the edge of the cliff as it is. One more blow-out and I'll hit the rocks. If I can pull through the next few months, I'll be in a slightly better place. My worry is how I'll cope when I am (eventually) debt free. That is still a long way off, but it'll be a big challenge when I finally get there.

Hi PK,

Facing up to a mountain of debt is something that I've had to do many times after finally realizing the addiction had once again squeezed everything out of me. You're right about January being a tough month. The depressing lack of festivities and the Christmas hangover makes it bad for normal people, for those with big debts its really challenging. You can only pay what you can off the debt at a time, if you can only squeeze the minimum this month, then that's all you can do. What I will say is that with your debts on 0%cards, at least you can know that when you do pay things off, it will be paying off capital not interest.

Keep fighting through mate, you can do it.

Ryan

33 days clean.

Payday today and finances still in a mess. Not really able to make any debt repayments until next month. My current credit card debt totals £16,543. Not clever. Still, if I continue to abstain from gambling it should not get any worse.

Week 5: no gambling this week (35 days clean).

On the gambling front, I have had no urges recently so that's good, but on a personal level I am fairly depressed. I'm bored of my job and want to leave, but I feel trapped because I need my salary to pay off my debts. My wife is hoping to move abroad (to her homeland) to work as she has better job prospects outside the UK. I would have to move too otherwise I would lose contact with my son, which would be a real wrench. If I didn't have such large debts, it wouldn't be so much of a problem as I could simply leave my current job, but I do have large debts so the prospect of being unemployed while abroad makes me very worried indeed. March is going to be a make-or-break month as that is when various issues will come to a head.

I am worried about my my future, but at least I am still gamble free.

Hi pellekanin, I must confess I have not read back to the start of your journey but I am up to speed with this particular chapter & am very glad to see that you did not knee j**k out of the pension scheme! I am sure with the high level of contribution that seemed like a quick fix & I know you had a long term plan but it made me anxious for you reading it! I also hope you have gotten round to the dastardly tax return as that is a severe financial penalty that you can well do without! I am sorry to hear that your home/work is getting you down & I commend you for not using this as an excuse to gamble!

I know it is easy for me to say try not to worry about your future but you will figure it out when you arrive there. Recovery is hard enough without any extra pressure! Worry about your todays because you cannot change the past & tomorrow hadn't happened yet! You are doing great, keep strong - ODAAT

I walked past two well-known high street bookmakers earlier - I have been avoiding looking at the window displays since I started my latest recovery drive, but today was different - I looked. Rather than the usual "ВЈ10 on Rooney to score first and United to win 3-1 wins you £80", the windows were full of big yellow signs stating: "When the fun stops. STOP." Followed by information about how to got help if you are a problem gambler. As far as bookmakers displays go, it's one of the better efforts I've seen them make.

Anyway, my fun stopped long ago, well before my latest Day 1. The last few years have merely been a repetitive cycle of gambling in order to pay off gambling debts. Not fun at all. It just brings stress and misery as the debts get worse and worse. Even on one occasion in 2010 when I was debt-free and had a few hundred pounds of winnings in my wallet, I wasn't happy. I just thought - I don't want this dirty money - I can't tell my friends and family that I've won money on the horses - it's a dirty secret that would impress no one I know. As with every stage of my gambling life, whether up or down, I have felt dirty, immoral, deceitful, greedy, reckless, arrogant and dishonest. The kind of person I never aspired to be and whose virtues I hate.

The only fun in my life is a life away from gambling. A life I can proudly share with my family and friends. Not a dirty life of secret addictions, self-loathing, dishonesty and misery.