HARMONY !

Evening All

Another working week done .

Stood my ground today when OH wanted me to do something for him on my days off .

When I was gambling I was very compliant .

Probs the guilt , who knows .

Always found saying no quite difficult .

But know that it is an important part of being in recovery and staying in recovery .

As much as it is hard to believe as a CG I really did not put myself or my needs first . People may disagree with that , over the money I lost , the time I wasted or the lies I told . But I would over compensate in soooooo many other areas. My family or work would ask me to jump , I would answer how high .

Slowly I am changing , slowly I find that voice that says do you know I do not want to do that.

When I got in tonight the washing up was done , this is very unusual , maybe it was a reaction to me saying , I need my days off , to do what I need to do

In all my diaries I have mentioned duty job , my oh and I own a shop . He runs it , I work full time for a big company , but help out in the shop . If he wants to go out for the day or what ever I mind the shop .

I know that it is paramount that I do less, with dad needing more care , I really need to put my foot down sometimes and say NO .

By doing this I will not end up resenting which used to end up with me gambling .

So to end , I am slowly finding a voice , a voice that is prepared to fight my corner , a voice that will say what needs to be said to keep those gambling gremlins at bay .

With that wish me well , hope that I can sleep for more than a few hours tonight .

Shiny xxxxxx

Ha ha ha, I'll be sticking to single just for now, I like who I am and I'd probably be a B*****r to compromise, too independent but happily so.

I like reading your posts Shiny, it's like watching a flower grow and slowly blossom. Assertiveness is a good thing, guilt is a waste of time and energy and should not be entertained. People are frightened of change, you're changing, for the better, be calm, be cheerful when being assertive. This may shock some but if you calmly explain your reasons then people will give you a newer greater respect. Isn't life great? Full of these little challenges to attain fulfilment.

Condolences about your insomnia, I too ha e had it for about five years (roughly the same amount of time as I've had an iPhone!). Just started taking Nytol, took four earlier with a glass of milk but alas they don't appear to be worzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Zzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzz z z

Shiny.

A post like your last makes me think your re naming was slightly off the bat, it should have been "shiny with wings" it gives me so much spirit and pleasure to read how your life is to coin an old phrase on a new ledge.

For that well done and thank you for sharing.hope you got a good sleep and use the days to suit you.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi Shiny,

Thanks for your support and sharing your experiences, i know it must be hard to put them down and it just shows how supportive you are and so a big thanks from me xx

Love your post , love the Shiny that is now saying 'hey if i don't want too i won't'

Great to see, give yourself that time, it's took long enough so now enjoy being you , your you sure deserve it!

Keep Strong girl your great!

Smiling Lucy xxx

Yo my shiny one,

Saying No is something I have always struggled with and still do, I dont struggle in work in fact Im an expert at it, but where love is involved I feel i have to be all things to all people. I have been running around like a blue a**e fly of late as my eldest has been without a car for a good few weeks now and my stress levels are through the roof but each day ive said no a little more often and made a compromise with myself, i.e i wont take her to work but i will drop her at the bus stop etc.

I still find it hard and I hope i can follow in your footsteps.

Sorry to hear your not sleeping to good, is that something new ? or always been the case ?.

As for the cigs, day 3 today and not as bad as yesterday, I have only tackled it because i feel quite strong at the moment and thought it would time nicely with 2 weeks off no stress and having fun on holiday. Thats my thinking anyway. !

Enjoy your days off and yeah you got me bang on again, checking my hair is just so.... lol.

Take care

Blondie xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Shiny,

Gonna be totally open and honest on this post!

You are probably the person who posts to me who always makes me smile and giggle!

I think YOU were that "kool" person at school who had all the mates and who knew what just to say to anyone.........Thankyou for making my life a little brighter!

As I said to someone in an earlier post

Would be awesome to have a "gamcare" night out. Just imagine how fun it would be trying to put faces to names....lol....lol...lol

Womble hugs to you my friend xxx

Calling Cameron, Calling Cameron

If you pick up this message my friend , I hope you are ok

Think about starting a new diary , because being utterly selfish I MISS YOU!

Being unselfish you need to do what's best for you , if starting a new diary will keep this foooooooking addiction at bay then it's got to worth considering .

Only you know what to do for the best .....

Shiny xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yo,

Today I took an inventory of myself and some of it was good and some not sooooo good .

GOOD

No gambling

Being more assert, saying no more , putting myself first .

Found that I was spending tooooo much time on this site , felt under pressure to post , and was getting far tooo emotionally involved with everyone . My addiction to being a care giver going to the for front .So took a step back .

Set myself a weekly challenge to movitvate myself, and push myself forward .

THE NOT SO GOOD,

I am not sleeping ,

I am drinking more Pimms than is healthy .

I am smoking more

I am eating more and my weight is ballooning out of control.

Ummmmmm what to do ...........

I know that I have an addictive personality , I know that whilst I can tackle one or more at a time , blow me down with a feather another takes over .

Maybe I try too hard at the said addiction , never in my life have I found a balance in everything at the same time . And to be honest do not think I ever will .

On the bright side I can see what's happen , and start to address it as before I would close off from the fact I had a problem with this that or the other .

So although I am still in my middle , I need to try to make a few changes before I spiral out of control .

Last thing I want is to be carried out my home by a crane lol

Firstly I made this weeks challenge and 12 of us are going to dinner and a show 2 weeks today .

That is the last challenge I will set myself for now .

Need to take my foot off the pedal .

Need to address my eating and drinking habits .

Will probs go back to posting more , but will try not to feel under pressure to not let any one down by not supporting them , or replying to a post . Please understand that this pressure is self inflicted and my issue is with myself not with anyone of you .

All my life I have wished and wished that I was more chilled out , could go with the flow , but I ain't , so I just have to live with it .

Although this sounds like a woe is me post it ain't . I know how far I have climbed from my rock bottom , I can spot my latest addiction and am more than prepared to start that battling that as well . So this is not a sad post , it is a post that at the beginning said I have taken an inventory of myself and this is what I need to do now , the fact that I can spot it , accepted it without the dark clouds appearing over head is a massive step forward for me .

As I step away from the chocolate biscuits I wish you all a great day , ,,,,,,

Not so slim

Shiny xxxxxxxxx

Hiya Hun,

Ya know.......and you do...lol

Do things at your pace......post if u want to....don't if you don't feel like it.......no pressure!

As for the drinking and eating....don't go too fast...as everyone says one step at a time eh!

Must say tho.....going out for meal and a show....sounds good to me. Thats good that you are going out to socialise again....know how hard that is for you!

Thank you so much for the thought prevoking post on mine.

Oh.......Dont care what you say....You STILL are the Kool Kid!

Hugs Womble xxxxxxxxxxxx

The 'no gambling' in your GOOD section is the most important one.

Just make sure that you keep that there!

You're doing great and it is always a good idea to take stock of ourselves from time to time.

As long as we stay well, well away from the evil gambling world.

NT

Hi Shiny, don't be hard on yourself, like Womble says, go at your own pace. Yet you can do anything you want when you set your mind to it, I think you're one of the most intelligent, thoughtful and knowledgable persons on here. I believe in you. Yet bad habits are hard to break and often require a lot of individual attention. Being aware of them is the start, working out how to tackle them is the next step. Remember it's harder to give something up just like that, it's easier if you replace them with something else, not another vice but something positive. I mean you could save the money you'd spend on cigarettes and put that towards a treat for you, I don't know, but I think it's time you started to reward yourself more because from where I'm standing you certainly deserve it. Anyway I'd better go because it'll be Saturday soon and Maisie will be back here in a couple of hour, when she sees these bags under my eyes she'll disown me. Take care Shiny, remember you're wonderful, there's only one of you, you're special.

Steve

Morning shiny,

Im sure you being in the business world understands about personal reviews, performance reviews lots of different names but all mean the same thing. Every 3 months you take stock of what targets you were set vs progress so far, praise/celebrate and reward the good, put steps in place to address/change the not so good.

What would be impossible to do would be to say ok im going to stop smoking, diet and drink less all from tomorrow its just to much to tackle.

If this was a target for you in work how would you approach it ?

I have found with giving up smoking that i have to fill it with something else something positive, I didnt want to be in the cupboard every 5 mins for food.

You are mentally strong now, but as always its finding what works for you. I feel like ive been in the gym with my brain weight lifting for a few months, lol I feel strong and able to tackle things better I know my limitations and I know im ready to tackle smoking.

Keep working it shiny you will find your own way, I just know you will.

Take care.. See you in 2 weeks.

Blondie xxxxxxxx

Hi shiny

Think it's so important to stock of our lives every now and again to keep track of where we are , life can sometimes be so blooming complicated and needs breaking down which is exactly what u av done

U can now address the issues in priority but without putting too much pressure on urself and most importantly not forgetting the achievements to date

Times like these are tough but u also know they will pass u r strong enough to deal with what is in front of u and still av the desire to move forward

Once again ur last post makes me thinks and can relate and reflect on my own journey and that is always a good thing

One thinks a big hug is in order so here's one comin ur way

Take care as always thoughts are with u always here for u as u av always done the same for me

Castle2

Hi Shiny,

I am very careful about visiting other people's diarys and giving out advice because i myself am such a hot mess.. so, taking a risk here. .. anyway, i can really relate to the addictions thing. Going from gambling to overeating. For me it was always something. When I was a kid I went for the food for comfort. When I was a young adult I reached for booze. Now, well into my middle age I got sucked into gambling. It is all the same for me.. So, yeah, i am overweight at the moment and have a doctor up my b**t about it but, I can only battle one problem at a time. Just giving myself the permission to be fat right now has taken alot of pressure off and I find myself not overeating as much. Anyway, I dont want to ramble on here.. just saying that I have managed to put down the drink for 20 years now.. Am 25 days bet free.. I still reach for the less healthier snacks from time to time but, I have decided that I am not going to beat myself up about it. I'm gonna get a comfy-ier pair of pants and get glad in them. Anyway, starting to ramble.. promised myself I wouldnt. Bottom line: wanted to send you HUGS galore.. so here (((((((((SHINY)))))))))))

-joan

Morning,

It is weird having to look for your diary :). Anyway, thanks for inspiring me for mayb like the hundreth time since I came to this site. I had not really done an inventory of myself for a while and I remember saying I think it was day 40 that I would revisit and do one again. I missed that but seeing your very honest post reminded me I should.

I think you got it spot on as always it wasn't a woeful post it was an honest inventory and although we currently reside in that middle to continue our recovery we need to continue to rediscover or redefine ourselves.

Thanks Shiny 🙂

Flagg