HARMONY !

Shiny,

Here, Here.

Gamcare United!!!!

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hiya shiny

Very true words it does take courage and its something to be proud bout , I think reasons we dont take it on board as much for me is people on the outside dont understand I think we can be stereotyped and there's a real stigma when it comes to people who gamble , I'm still very cautious who I confide in esp with my job lots of money and stock involved and if anything goes amiss my fears are it would be well it must be him hes got a gambling problem , for me the temptation is not there my job and jess are on life remove one and I would av no life but there's no understanding from them , maybe thats just me and people wouldn't think that , if I told my parents that I have a gambling problem but I admitted it got help try and help others and am turning my life around I guarantee the only words they would here is gambling problem and think I am a bad person who's always goin to be that way

I dont know how that fits in with your views and others on here no doubt a good topic for debate , as there's no doubt there are people out there that av done bad things caused by gambling , the people who it as affected around them the impact it has had on their lives

For me I will be more open bout my gambling addiction when its more controlled and I know one day I will be proud and say yes I am a am a compulsive gamble but u know what I did something bout it and I turned my life around

Thank u for another thought provoking post

Castle2

Hi Shiny,

First off thank you for these words because I agree it does take courage to face down an addiction. I have been pretty candid about my past on this forum and I know that addiction goes hand and hand with the low grade depression I have experienced my whole life. And, you are right and I agree that it is not an excuse for irresponsible behavior and hurting others. I have been in addiction in one form or another for pretty much all of my life and sometimes I get really sad about it and tired of it all. Wishing I was somebody else. I forget that I should be proud of myself and all of us who make the choice to admit our failings and take steps to improve ourselves and our lives one day at a time. Thank you Shiny! -joanxxxxxxxx

Hi shiny

Many apologies for making a negative out of such a positive post , I fully agree just took a wrong turn somewhere and went on a bit , not good esp been on ur diary , I think thats where my mentality is at the moment

So thank u for pointing it out

Castle2

Yo,

My dear dear friend Mr Castle with out a shadow of doubt no apology was needed .

I always feel privileged you have taken the time to post on my thread , your thoughts and views have aided me so much in my recovery , more than once giving me the food for thought I needed 🙂

I think over the previous few days I had read several threads in which the authors were so very angry at themselves and lost their self worth .

Having recently relapsed myself its easy to take your self back to that place in your mind where you are worthless .

In my opinion being an addict and having a compulsive personality is in my DNA . I did not choose to have this infliction in my life , and if I could take a magic pill to rid me of it , (even with some crazy side effect) I would most defo consider taking it.

I am well past hating myself for being me ,and as many of you know there was a good year in my life when I woke up so very sad that I had woken up at all.I found it very hard to look at myself in the mirror because I had utter disgust for the person who looked back at me .

Sometimes the CG forgets the tremendous effect put into staying clean , the daily battles not to have that first punt . I can honestly say that the word gambling enters my head every day . And that is not only because I read this site everyday , or getting the urge to gambling . It is just the legacy of my past .

Paying my loans , someone buying a scratch card in my shop and telling me how much they won,lost on a FOBT . Or getting an unexpected bill ( that one always bring back memories of my gambling days )

At that point the monkey on my shoulder is awaken , thinking to its self , hmmmmmmm this a good time to plant the seed to have a bet .........,

I have no doubt that day in day out people on this site are faced with the same daily pressures . But through it all, find the strength courage what ever is needed not to act on those thoughts . Which in themselves are trying to ignite the fire under our addiction .

I feel we must and should go to bed at night in the knowledge that we are good people , fighting a full on battle with our addiction , and winning it on a daily basis .

Today victory was mine , tomorrow I fully expect the result to be the same 🙂

Shiny xxxx

Yo Miss Shiny Pants,

couldnt of said it better my self my dear friend... Today we stand united in what we have achieved... another gamble free day..

One step in front of the other.... One day at a time..

Polish that mirror and smile back at what you see and be proud. I am

take care

Blondie xxx

reading your diary from the "old one" to the new one gave me great inspiration. The way you point out we have to live along with our addiction really hit the spot with me.As I can totally relate that we know we could never gamble again but somehow knowing that I can still live my life but have to beware that the addictions are always there but we can control them like having an illness that is only terminal if we don't take our medicine!!

I know this is your battle but I would like to say the way you express yourself is helping me to have a greater understanding of this horrible addiction. And I hope you don't mind me following your diaries as I do understand we are all on this forum to try and beat our own personal demons. take care and stay strong x

Yo,

No gambling thoughts , well other than the usual lol

Smoking more real f**s though , really think there is a connection between trying to give up smoking and my last 2 relapses. Ummmmm what to do next not sure

Think I will continue not to smoke at work ( well only e cigs) which I do not have a problem with .

The rest I will try not to smoke too much , a cop out maybe . But I need to be realist , I am coping with a lot at the moment and maybe I need the dust to settle regarding dad , my marriage and the shop .

Not angry with myself for not doing as well as I wanted with it . It just is what it is , given a choice between smoking or going back to being that crazy compulsive gambler in action , well there is no choice .

Shiny xxxx

Hey Shiny

Am always reading and keeping the watch..lol ..xx

I think your right about leaving it a while ....under the stress that you are dealing with right now it's too much to do it all at once ...cold turkey is ok when you have no other commitments ..

For the same reason but different I also have a similar situation..I do have the opportunity to have relaxation treatments in work but I can't as believe it or not the stress of relaxing would be worse as I need to keep on the ball and my wits about me...im worried I will go all floppy and not want to get back up.

it's not the right time , but in the future I will be able to make healthier choices ..just not now.

Hugs back with bigger hugs

R and D xx

Yo,

Thanks Rach (((((((r)))))))))

Nothing to report , no gambling urges , eating more than I should . But that's how it goes .

Not to worry , getting pretty used to the circle of my compulsions .

Taken my foot off the pedal so to speak as far as works concerned , so another of my addictions always ready in line to jump to the head of the cue .

So once again , I will say what I've been saying a lot lately , it is what it is . Maybe that's the secret of living in Harmony with my addictive , compulsive personality, just accept it ???

Shiny xxxxxxxxx

Shiny.

Thanks for the post on my thread, I am sorry Sarah made you sad for a moment, but I beleive in putting it out there, warts and all as I know it is for the greater good, last week was quite a big week for us, with my doctor asking for me to be assessed for ADD, it seemed to answer alot of questions about my behaviour at times, now it is about dealing with whatever fall out there is to better our lives, I can see it clear as day the medicine that I take through here and GA when folk slip, has an affect on Sarah too, in a different way, we will deal with that too.

As you say nothing cahnges if nothing changes, and we are all of us to a man addled with compulsive behaviour.

Looks like I may go down the CBT route if the doc's right, that's something I am up to speed on thanks to the honourable MR.i.B

(who has gone missing from my life:( .)

From me and Sarah thanks for being there my shiny friend,

Chink' chink to you.

Hey Shiny

yes I think you are right...acceptance is the key..

I'm sort of approaching the same thing from a different angle as I'm not ready to accept what happened fully yet if ever but I am accepting that life may not be all about happiness...I did know that but just figured I could bargain my way to happiness (aka control outcomes by being good)

So I'm going down a life is suffering route to see where that gets me as apparantly once you really accept that then you can actually start living which i guess is similar to what your saying.

I've said before that if it were me on the GC side I think I would have handled all this 100% better (in terms of acceptance not being g free.)....but it was the fact it was another's actions that have affected me...

Womdering if you also are onto the CBT ,..my pal in work goes and she thinks its great as she had social anxieties ...

Keep posting xx

R and D xx

Yo,

Thank you Rach and Duncs 🙂

My thoughts on CBT .Mr b introduced me to some and whilst interesting and attempted to challenge the way you think , which it did . It did not reverse the thought processes that I had formed in 5o odd years .

But in my opinion , whilst many CBT sessions probably work to a certain degree . I do not think they would help to change my compulsive nature .

I believe I was born without the natural stop button that most people have . Which shows time and time again when the latest addiction or compulsion comes to the forefront . What I have noticed is that I can spot it a lot quicker , and then address that compulsion . Needless to say a few weeks later I have a light bulb moment and yep another is blazing the trail .

It's there , I truly do not believe that therapy will stop it . Most of the time bubbling way gaining momentum then bang , I can see it as clear as day .

I am sure some of you who have followed my journey , can see that I am no longer hung up about it . I deal with it , and wait to see what pops up next .

I believe this is as I said yesterday acceptance . I do not get cross or frustrated with myself . Is this living in harmony , think its getting pretty close to it .

I can not see my life being any different , by accepting and addressing things . They are resolved quickly without the mental anguish that always went along with it . A far more peaceful way to exist .

Shiny xxxxx

Ps though of the moment ........

Step away from the Choco biscuits !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Shiny,

Thank you for your supportive post.

Ade xx

Morning shiny

Acceptance and understanding plays a big part in our recovery now , in the midst of gambling thats something we could and would not do its only after a long journey with massive learning curbs on the way that we can now see differently

We used to talk bout how why when with regards to this site would we be here for ever ? Now its accepted and the worry isn't there what will be will be its part of our life and an important part support is crucial and that we can always find here

Take care

Castle2