I have decided to start a diary because I have reached day 14 not gambling and feel that this is the time when I need to keep strong and motivated. I originally posted in the newcomer site about how I started gambling 3 years ago after reading an artical in a magazine and since then have lost increasingly large amounts of money. I have lost £8000 since October so finally realised had to stop.
My last bet was on my birthday and I lost £1800 throughout the day. In a weird way I almost felt that I needed to loose a significant amount of money so that I didn't have any winnings with which I could gamble the next day as I had chosen the start of May to be my first day gamble free.
I love logging on and seeing the message of how many days I am gamble free. I do not want this to have to start back at 1 again.
There have been times over the last 2 weeks when I have felt the urge to try and find a new site online from which I havn't already self excluded but I have resisted. I am developing a greater sense of calm and feeling less anxious.
My finances are not ina great state but I am determind not to give away anymore to the roulette as it is always roulette that hooks me in.
xx
Good Start Annie! Have a read of some other diaries and ask for support. Your not alone in this journey. Gamcare can offer you counselling. Give them a ring.
Thank you! I am looking forwrad to June and seeing my online bank statement with no deposits £100 after £100 after £100. I was also talking to someone the other day who was left a little of bit of money in someone's will, not much, only about £150, but he said that everyone who had something in the will had a copy of the last 2 months of bank statements of the deceased. I don't know if this is common practice but I keep thinking if the worst was to happen tomorrow - how awful for my family to then get a copy of the last 2 months of my bank staements and see what I have been hiding from them. So this is good incentive to get to 2 months. Have had thoughts of gambling today but not going to. Day 15! xx
Thinking about the negative aspects of gambling BEFORE they happen can be a good growth experience. Better than after anyway. Counselling not your thing Annie?
I have had counselling in the past although not for gambling - I think I would really benefit from counselling but at the moment I am not sure how I would fit it in my working week and family commitments without having to admit that that is where I was going, and I am really not wanting to tell family. If I can remain gamble free and get back in touch with normal life again I feel positive about the future.
I hope your recovery is going well and thanks for posting.
Getting to day 17 feels good and I have lost some of the anxiety around gambling which is a blessing!
Good luck on your journey.
x
Hi Annie just popped by to say well done for taking back control of your life for the last 17 day's , just read your first post and your so right about the feeling when you notice your day count going up , I found it a great incentive when I first came here along with the bank statements after the first month with no betting related ATM withdrawls , for me that was 252 days ago and I can tell you it just keeps getting better !.
Your doing great so keep doing what works Annie !
Best wishes .......................Alan
Thank you and well done for getting to 252!
I just checked my spam emails and had a coupe about free spins etc etc... it's times like that that I find hard and last month would have almost without thinking starting registering to the site and depositing, knowing that I would loose it all....thankfully today I came to this site again and reading your comment has given me renewed determination.
Day 18! xx I will get to 19!
Maybe think of changing your email address ? It would stop all further contact from these companies , have you self excluded yet ? It's always a wise precaution in case Mr G comes a knocking ! Just a thought 🙂
Thank you! So cross with myself! Joined another site!!! Only deposited 20 and of course got the bonus - taking it up to 80 quid but then quickly got it up and down to 500 a few times and still nowhere near wagering amount for withdrawal so jsut upped bets til lost - on purpose I think after a couple of hours - have self excluded again from this new site - and 20 is not a massive amount but I only have 60 quid in my bank account so although 20 would not have seemed huge a year ago due to my sillyy gambling over however long it is! So cross with myself - count back to zero - this time I will make 30 days! This has just reminded me that as soon as you play - the amount of money to some extent is immaterial as I just become like a maraonic zombie! GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRR - so cross! Another 2 hours of my life wasted - should have come on here first.
Never again!!!
Hi Annie , Your right £20 isn't a huge amount but it's enough to keep you in loop of gambling, look just my opinion of course but if your self excluding and then hunting for new sites, why don't you download gamblock and install it , or speak with your internet provider regarding the blocking of all gambling related sites ? . If the willpower alone isn't going to cut it and you really do want to stop gambling maybe you need to up the game a bit ? , nothing changes if nothing changes ?.
Stay positive Annie and do what works !
All the best ......Alan
ALAN 135 wrote:
Hi Annie , Your right £20 isn't a huge amount but it's enough to keep you in loop of gambling, look just my opinion of course but if your self excluding and then hunting for new sites, why don't you download gamblock and install it , or speak with your internet provider regarding the blocking of all gambling related sites ? . If the willpower alone isn't going to cut it and you really do want to stop gambling maybe you need to up the game a bit ? , nothing changes if nothing changes ?.
Stay positive Annie and do what works !
All the best ......Alan
Very true Alan. Glad your back Annie 🙂
Thank you both!
I have looked into gamblock but would need to tell my partner more about extent of gambling problem as he would need to set password as he plays fantasy football. I have also thought about discussing having is it K9 on computer - I could say that we need this to prevent our children accessing anything they shouldn't. So this may be a good option and I think it's free.
Thank you so much. I am keen to restart.
Have been wondering about why I often find my way back to sites - think it's procrastination, trying to put off doing something I should be doing and who knows what else. Having not gambled for 20 days before this slip it does give a bit of clarity. I think one of the things that's scary about gambling for me is the secrecy - so this site is great as I can release some of the frustration I have with myself. I realised the other day how strange it was (past tense) in my own little gambling world as just before Christmas I won £1000 on a slot on a £1.50 spin, now this should be something that you tell people about and celebrate but of course I didn't as no-one knew I gambled and even as I saw the money in the online account I already knew that this would never become actual money that I would use to buy something in the real world with, just another means of continuing to play. In hindsight not being able to share with anyone what would appear to be a good win - alarm bells should have rung!
At the moment I am feeling calmer and positive.
Thank you!
x
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