Heads they win tales you lose

I’ve scratched at the surface of mental illness and addiction this weekend. Have had lengthy chats with my family about ocd. I’m under the assumption that a lot of people have some form of ocd. Biggest well known one tv/radio on even numbers. Ask a person why they do it , the answer is I don’t know. So why don’t you stop doing it? The answer ? Because

Moving away from mental illness as it’s probably unpalatable for some to even question their existence/ beliefs

Hot topic. Urges to gamble

What is an urge? An overwhelming sense that you want to do something. How do you overcome an urge? Patience and self control. Self control isn’t something you start with an abundance of, it builds up over time.

We use self control in nearly all our day to day tasks . Like controlling your temper. Under an inhabitant ie alcohol you sometimes lose your ability to use self control.

How do you build self control?

The same way you don’t eat a whole cheesecake. Well you could but you’ve learned that there’s repercussions to eating the whole thing. Weight gain, nausea, regret. So you weigh up the options, you don’t want to feel sick and you don’t want to get fat. That being you’ve learned from a previous experience.

So an Urge to gamble comes you weigh your options. You might get a win that’s merely a sub or an extension of that relapse. Inevitably it goes back in then some. What happens if you lose? You haven’t just lost money . You’ve lost trust from your family because last time was the last time and so on and so on. How many last times will they put up with? A relapse can bring years of repeated misery. Building back up trust paying back loans and so on for what? A couple hours of zoning out. Every urge you fight the stronger your self control will become. Whenever if had an urge to gamble I try to think of the reason why I’m having it and what situation arose to make me feel that way. And then I do my best to avoid that situation.

That’s my interpretation of it anyway

It took me some 20 odd years to quit gambling. I think I quit gambling every time I lost which was the majority of the time. There’s a message of hope there know matter how many times you try eventually you find the right path. Addiction I guess is like a giant maze , multiple dead ends which result in going back to the start. Eventually you work your way out. There’s no real defining factor that I can say helped me quit because I tried that many. I used mindfulness to take away the anxiety. I watched countless hours of YouTube videos on addiction. I slept with self hypnosis recordings playing in my earphones. I was desperate

People in worse situations than myself were doing it , why couldn’t I.

In a way I was scared to let go of the comfort blanket. I knew when times were bad I had the safety net of addiction to zone me out , without that I felt exposed. I’d have to tell people how I feel instead and that felt less manly.

It’s quite empowering to share thoughts with another person it’s usually then that you start to get to know each other properly. My friends I’ve known for almost 30 years and it’s only the past year I’ve actually got to know them.

My best friend like me had ocd when he was younger we often talk about the subject the why’s and the what’s an experience we shared but never spoke about our adult life until recently and we see each other every day.

One of my first fruit machine experiences we both went together both lost roughly 20 quid he never gambled from that day forward ever again. Ask him why and he says that 20 pound loss gutted him he’d worked hard for it and lost it in 20 minuets back then 20 quid was half a weeks apprentice wage. It’s probably the best 20 he ever spent. We both hated losing but in 2 completely different ways, I wanted mine back, he didn’t want to lose anymore.

Read a really good book recently, titled how I conned the bookies and why - note unless you want to end up in prison as he did don’t attempt to replicate anything inside. It’s impossible to do these days anyhow with modern technology. But the book has a good insight into how far a person will go to get their fix. Also an interesting insight into someone who has been to his lowest and found recovery. A decent spend of a tenner , Below is a link to a bbc series someone mentioned to me 2 years back it’s called moving on the punter. If you haven’t seen it enjoy.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL38t4F71BUEub9sh_jOjoF0q0pt8EAQC1

Hiya Wentworth thanks for the post . absolute cracking advice on my diary I've been reading some of your stuff on hear a d your experiences are.pricless I had a relapse Friday as today would of been five week gf but back to day 2
.Martin as told me a bit more about yourself and I was laughing at some of the stories top stuffate keep.up the good work

Cheers tommy.

Looking back I can’t believe how much my life evolved around gambling a typical week consisted of a Saturday straight up the bookies first thing. I’ll just have a fiver on the football. That was twenty before I left the bookies sitting at home with Jeff and the boys with a fist full of bets that 50 percent had gone down with the afternoon kick off. Great I’m left with some random 18 fold that’s set to rake me in a couple of million lol. 5 o’clock comes and yes I’m quitting gambling again. Actually the lotto is on let’s have a cheeky 20 on that , that loses arrr it’s a fix anyway, Sunday comes let’s have a cheeky treble which turns into another 17 fold because winning a poxxy hundred quid ain’t worth it. Whilst that’s being played a few scratch cards. Which turns into about 2 maybe 3 packs

The thing about scratch cards like most gambling you just put it back buying more. I can tell you from experience that there’s only 120 pound in a full pack and 80 percent of that is money back wins, which isn’t really a win.

Monday comes round and I’ve done all my pocket money which looking back I can’t see why I wanted 500 quid a week pocket money. I’d tell myself that’s it no more gambling, not till I got paid on Wednesday anyway and then the whole cycle continues.

Up until I quit gambling last September I’ve always had my own bank and money that was left was split down the middle. We lived that way for 16 years. A joint account was best for me because it made me accountable and I knew my wife could oversee where the money we had was going.

The last year has opened my eyes to how messed up my life actually was all I was doing was working to gamble. That’s no life for anyone especially a young family.

If truth be told the last time I gambled I broke down to my wife I couldn’t go any further, she broke down crying not because I’d just lost my money but because she didn’t know how to help me. The look on my sons face when he saw his mom crying is what kick started my recovery. From that moment I’ve never come close to gambling since.

The past year and a bit I joined the gym lost my weight that was dogging me had a fantastic holiday we haven’t been on one for a few years. Came back and booked the next . The old gambler mindset of not spending on things you actually need has gone. You also have to be careful that you’re not just spending because you have it.

I can’t change anything I’ve done in the past or can I get the money I’ve lost back. But I can make sure I don’t waste another second in a deluded dream of winning big

Hello Wentworth. Thankyou for posting on my diary, much appreciated.

Great to see your happy and contented through living a gamble free life, it sends out a positive message to others.

You seem to have good insight and knowledge of gambling and addiction behaviour, which can be very helpful to those on the diaries who maybe struggle to comprehend what is happening to them. When the mind's wrapped up in thoughts of gambling everything else takes a back seat and it's a struggle to see anything with clarity ....stephen

Hiya Wentworth thanks for your post give me.so much inspiration this week and I'm glad to say since my slip not had any urges and put all my blocks in place .I agree with you about it being a maze and the dead ends it's such a good way to describe recovery .I look forward to seeing your future posts on your recovery as I could.read them all night keep up the good work pal

Cheers tommy

So the governments very own review into the gambling industry is due out this week. Followed this one for a while and I’m not so sure it will be the lightbulb moment every one anticipates. My reason being it’s timed with the autumn budget. No doubt this budget is going to be one of those where they say right we’re going to start spending. Apparently 50 billion is going into building affordable houses. Perhaps we’ll also see the public sector pay cap lifted. Aswell we have the unknown cost of Brexit. So expect bad news hidden in between all the things they say is good.

Looking at the bigger picture fobts although deadly a reduction on them isn’t the answer to problem gambling. People will gamble by any means, you don’t become addicted to a product. You become addicted to the idea of doing it. How many people will say I only gambled on one product? Not many.

For instance fobts last year amounts gambled 1.7 billion pound.

Scratch cards sales were 2.7 billion

The main lotto was 2.8 billion pound.

Even the euro beat stakes on fobt by a few hundred million.

What’s scary is remote gambling uk alone 40 billion pounds staked last year. Ten billion pounds more was staked online than every other avenue combined.

Which brought about my conclusion that a reduction in fobt stakes will mean absolutely nothing.

Imagine all those people going online were stakes are huge. What will seem like a victory will be the start of a disaster.

You won’t see veterans coming from 10,20 year addictions. It’ll be young adults 18/30s coming with tens of thousands pounds worth of debts who’ve only played a few short years max.

Read the forums it’s already happening. People are turning up after a couple of months of starting gambling with 50ks worth of debts.

Have fobts become the scapegoat of the bigger picture??????

Thinking about it more should be done by asking the government to make banks offer accounts for problem gamblers. Limited withdrawals per day, both machine and online spend, people buy TVs in curry’s and the bank rings questioning the transaction, yet someone gambles thousands online know one bats an eye lid. As well effective self exclusion schemes why is know one bringing these questions up?

That was a random Monday rant.

7.8 billion on the lotto and most don’t class it as gambling?????

I think your exactly right, it's a smokescreen the FOBT's are used as the great evil and look at what we are doing to clampdown on them were reduding stakes we want to stop this we are pro responsible gambling. But go into any bookies and here you get your card, look how easy it is swipe and play, you are in control. But what else does this card do, it also unlocks the gate to the online world, and once your in you are allowed to have any of the so called treats on offer, "£50 restricted Spins Sir, not in this shop, feel free to gamble away, the £1000 room sir, the £5000 spin sir" the FOBT's are just another gate where they dont care what they reduce the stakes too, as true train crash addiction lies hidden online but rarely mentioned in the same breath, because true profit from compulsive gamblers is when you click deposit a one way street an addiction that wont let you out easily.

[quote=Smashed]

I think your exactly right, it's a smokescreen the FOBT's are used as the great evil and look at what we are doing to clampdown on them were reduding stakes we want to stop this we are pro responsible gambling. But go into any bookies and here you get your card, look how easy it is swipe and play, you are in control. But what else does this card do, it also unlocks the gate to the online world, and once your in you are allowed to have any of the so called treats on offer, "£50 restricted Spins Sir, not in this shop, feel free to gamble away, the £1000 room sir, the £5000 spin sir" the FOBT's are just another gate where they dont care what they reduce the stakes too, as true train crash addiction lies hidden online but rarely mentioned in the same breath, because true profit from compulsive gamblers is when you click deposit a one way street an addiction that wont let you out easily.

Hi smashed it’s certainly a strange one that they can have these cards for you to gamble online, yet they can’t have a decent self exclusion scheme. If they were responsible you would need those cards to place a bet all times and that’s how easy it is to make a solution to the problem.

If I’m cynical it is more a smoke screen to the real problem and I think a lot of people have piggy backed on the idea it’s going to be the game changer (it won’t ) I gambled long before the fobt was even in the bookies and people still lost tens of thousands a day.

I think they want people online you don’t have overheads like a shop. Another is you’re then keeping gamblers out of the public eye. Out of sight out of mind.

I’m not for bookies or am I against. The end of the day it’s a business that wants to turn profit. But as it’s legal there should be a moral compass that goes with it , not just words to the tune of “when the fun stops ,stop” a few stickers doesn’t make a company “responsible “

I often read stories on here and other sites of people who gamble online and lose 20 grand in a day. Most of these people don’t earn that in a year, it shouldn’t be allowed to happen. There should be a max allowance unless you can prove you’re betting within your means. I think we’re at that point now where it’s to late to do anything about it. There’s to many hands in the pie.

Question in the overcoming section “how much did you lose”. A basic question of who’s more stupid you or i? I try not to see it as I’ve lost money, that implies I don’t know where it is. I know where it is , I spent it .

The buzz comes at a price, the longer you last addicted the price of the buzz goes up.

Might sound stupid but I don’t think of the money you can’t live a life of could of been’s . What ifs hold you back.

Does a person think of all the money they’ve spent on gas, petrol , sausage rolls? Once it’s spent there’s no going back.

In a way I knew every time I gambled I’d come back pot less because that’s the nature of addiction. Session doesn’t end until skint, even if I won i couldn’t rest until I lost. One time I remember winning a grand in the first 30 minutes of playing the fruit machines. In a way I was gutted because I wanted the day out of it. So I sat at three 25p machines all day and lost the lot. Tbh wasn’t even bothered as it never felt like my money anyway, That’s how messed up addiction is if you lose you want it back , if you win you can’t wait to give it back.

Slot houses are strange places you always seem to get a couple husband and wife, always arguing coins swapping between each other , an old girl playing her pension, flash guy in a suit , and some old guy with about 3ks worth of gold on. Then there’s me sometimes in work wear sometimes in normal clothes depending what day of the week it was.

Once a young lad came in maybe 17, asking the staff how do I play this ? She said I don’t know Ask him . When he turned to me I said you don’t because you’ll end up in a mess debts up to your eye balls and depressed, he got up and left I sometimes hope he never went back and my words saved another soul from addiction.

It’s a shame it took me another 7 years to listen to my own advice.

Tbc

A message I received this week

The Magic Bank Account

Imagine that you had won the Following PRIZE in a contest:
Each morning your bank would deposit $86,400 In your private account for your use.
However, this prize has Rules:
The set of Rules:

1. Everything that you didn't spend during each day would be taken away from you.

2. You may not simply transfer money into some other account.

3. You may only spend It.

4. Each morning upon awakening, The bank opens your account with another $86,400 for that Day.

5. The bank can end the game without warning; at any time, it can say, Game Over!" It can close the account And you will not receive a new one.

What would you personally Do?

You would buy anything and Everything you wanted right? Not only for yourself, but for all the people you love and care for. Even for people you don't know,
because you couldn't possibly spend it all on yourself, right?

You would try to spend every penny, and use it all, because you knew it would be replenished in the morning, right?

ACTUALLY, This GAME is REAL... Shocked ??? YES!

Each of us is already a winner Of this PRIZE. We just can't seem to see it.

The PRIZE is TIME

1. Each morning we awaken to Receive 86,400 seconds As a gift of Life.

2. And when we go to sleep at Night, any remaining time is Not credited to us.

3. What we haven't used up that Day is forever lost.

4. Yesterday is forever Gone.

5. Each morning the account is Refilled, but the bank can dissolve your account at any time WITHOUT WARNING...

SO, what will YOU do with your 86,400 seconds?

Those seconds are worth so much More than the same amount in dollars.
Think about it and remember to Enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker than You think.

So take care of yourself, be Happy, love deeply and enjoy life!

Here's wishing you a wonderful And beautiful day.
Start spending....

Great to see you posting...food for thought here. So 9.40 now....51600 left for today. I heard yesterday that a friend's dil had died....only in her early 30's....survived by her husband and young son. She fought so hard to live, but cancer beat her. How dare any of us waste a second of the gift we have? How dare we moan about what we have? Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Deano

Fella thanks for the support you offered upon my thread it humbled me greatly.

I have enjoyed reading your thread emmensely, some real food for thought.

Keep up the fantastic work.

I salute your effort

I hope that you and yours keep reaping the rewards

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

The governments review into the sector will be out a 10pm this Tuesday, it’s looking like a stake of between 2 pounds and 50 pounds, 30 being most likely. Although 2 pounds is also a likely scenario. What’s also interesting is the advertising is also going to be taking a hammer, aswell as seaside arcades everything down to the 2p pushers. The aim is to take away gambling is acceptable for young children.

I know in truth this won’t really help people already in the addiction circle , but there’s hope that it will help the future generation and turn them away from this destructive addiction.