Hello day one...

Thanks KTF. Yes it really helped to talk about anxiety and other things, I think it has finally sunk in that gambling may not be the problem, I saw it more as a solution to my anxiety. I am still being cautious, as I have always seen gambling as an escape I suppose, which isn't to say that I don't have a gambling problem, I do but maybe not in the same way that I used to think it was.

Heading back to Wales today to see my family, so that should be good and overall I'm feeling very positive. Thanks again KTF for your very kind words 🙂

So, I haven't really posted much on my thoughts, which I think isn't a good thing as I wanted to make sure that I committed time to documenting my thoughts etc. I have to say that things are great at the moment, and I have already been to a couple of counselling sessions that have been great and extremely helpful.

I wanted to write this, as I think it would be a good step for anyone that is using a compulsive habit to deal with their problems, past and present. The one thing that I am starting to consider is, gambling for me is a coping mechanism and I have always relied on it when things either get tough, or even monotonous. Since having the chance to speak to someone about my problems, I am feeling more able to cope with things, and urges have been almost non existent really, but I remain cautious as always.

My focus recently has been on me, improving myself and the way I feel by completely changing my training routine which certainly was putting pressure on me, I even started to do yoga again with some positive rules and time away from the stresses of life. No, I am not turning in to a monk, but it's definitely worth trying to change what goes on inside your mind, and translating it into positive changes to the way you go about your day.

I am pretty sure that there are others on here, who rely on gambling as a perverse for of medication, which in fact will never offer the long term solutions you are looking for. If there is something you have been wanting to change in your life, whether it's a new hobby or a change of career, it may be the one thing that has been missing in your life that will offer you hope for the future.

It has been ages since I last posted a diary entry. So, I have been to counselling for about 2 months and in that time I have been gamble free. I have to say, if you are having trouble with a gambling problem, most of us have nobody to turn to especially those close to us. We don't want to disappoint those close to us, do we?

I have managed to be a lot of my chest over the course of my sessions and it's surprisingly easy to share your thoughts and fears with a stranger, I really would recommend it to anyone that has an addiction. For the most part, we are working out what the triggers are and the reasons why gambling became such an obsession.

2 months free of gambling is great and my mindsets so different these days. I wish I had done this sooner as it has evidently affected my life in such a negative way, simply from the sadness I feel from looking at the past. I am now looking to the future and would like to resolve some of the more pressing issues in my life, which I have been to scared to face.

I hope everyone is doing well, and if you need help sometimes you have to look for it. There is so much support out there, where you can let out your emotions and feel good about you self again. Concentrate on your strengths and face your weaknesses.

Day 82. After about 5 counselling sessions and a new training routine, I feel brilliant. I have had no urges recently, I'm trying to save money, but I am definitely over spending. My aim is to be a bit better with my cash, as I am rubbish at saving money, as it's not something we are familiar with as gamblers.

My best advice to those struggling to quit, is to put the same time and effort in to something you "want" or have been meaning to do. My dream has been to become more flexible, so I started a flexibility programme. I am now so immersed in this new routine that I have barely enough time do anything else.

Find something that makes you happy...and give it 100%. Most of all though, have fun!

Diary entry, day 96.

Wow...I am loving life at the moment and gambling hasn't really been an issue for me since stopping. After 5 sessions of counselling and time to reflect, I am now in a position of control. My finances are much better, now that I am not blowing five hundred pounds at a time on gambling.

This has literally been a 20 year journey for me. Gambling, stopping, trying not to gamble, losing winning and every other gambling addicts dilemma has come up during my addiction. Now, I no longer think of gambling and have decided to get up early because um...my stomach is rumbling.

So, the upside. An instant cappuccino, 3 eggs, 2 toast and some porridge.

Passed the bookies today as I went to meet friends and I realised that I no longer depend on gambling. I have to say that I am fed up of all the ads for gambling, where the company goes for a friendly approach before ripping you off, with their cleverly designed computer programmes. It almost gets embarrassing for me, as my girlfriend is probably reminded of my gambling past.

Today is definitely different for me now, and really it's great to focus on the more important things in life. I hope that anyone reading this, Mill look inside themselves and consider what would make them happy and focus on that with the same attention as gambling.

I had to post today. The gym at the gym are talking about gambling, so I made myself scarce. Passed the 100 day mark woo-hoo.

Hi Reaper

I enjoyed reading your diary. The complacency did for me as well. I nearly did a year and then I went back and of course had some big losses. I have finally excluded from the one account I had kept open over the course of my GF year. It was almost as if I kept it open to test myself. Ridiculous behaviour. It is amazing what can trigger a relapse. Often as you mention it is a coping mechanism to avoid unpleasant emotions or situations. When you are GF for a long time you can't imagine being dragged down again, feeling sick and full of self hate. And that's the problem - we need to remember those dark feelings, try to live our lives without obsessing about money and enjoy our time and families. I am creeping out of the darkness but like you I also know what it's like to have lengthy periods without gambling. Life is always better without it. I am back on my journey again. Good luck to all.

Hey down and out, thank you so much for your reply. I literally spent 4 hours on the road today, travelling from West Wales back to my current home in Oxford. I played a little golf and caught up with a good friend. I was able to just do normal things, when in the past I can say gambling, was probably at its worse when I lived in Wales.

Anyway, I'm now gearing up to get back to work and for a course in Birmingham on Wednesday. I hope today has been a gamble free day for all.

Day 138, and I'm feeling like a change of career, I am slowly getting bored of the daily grind, but who doesn't lol. Pick up my new motorbike Monday, so fingers crossed I will be safe and have some fun too.

Day 140...I picked up my new motorcycle today. To think that I had no problem gambling, throwing money away without a second thought. It was so difficult parting with the money on a new bike, but I love it and feel like it's another distraction from gambling. I really hope everyone on the forum is doing well.

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So, day 222. I have been thinking a bit about gambling a bit recently, actually walking in to a bookies last Saturday to see if I was strong enough to resist. Anyway, I walked out and thought, "what the he'll am I doing...?"

I suppose after quite a long time away from gambling, it starts to feel weird in a way that I'm curious what it means not to gamble. Now that I am not having a bet, there doesn't seem to be any risk vs reward, which I found thrilling. I am literally scratching my head, trying to find a purpose to everything...

Work is up and down, in the sense that I have been doing it a long time and still enjoy many aspects of it. But, I feel like I have a heavy responsibility when it comes to their progress. Anyway, I didn't spend much time thinking about this post - just a rant. Hope everyone is doing great, and a quick good luck message for those of you struggling.

I hope you are still on track, uncertain outcomes.

Have a great weekend if you're reading.

So, things are a little uncertain at the moment, everything in my life is pretty good. I'm headed to Spain soon for a week of cycling, up in the mountains with not a care in the world. A little worrying though, as my place of work has around 2 months before we lose our premises, meaning we need to find a new one quickly.

I have been thinking of returning to uni to study animation and even like the idea of going it alone? We are all here for a short time, and the last thing I want in my life is regret. I don't regret my gambling, as it was my way of switching off from everything. The one thing I might regret, is not doing the career based things that I want to.

now, it's just a meter of choosing, but all in all I feel that not gambling is big achievement and a step in the right direction.

Well...its all kicking off here. Still waiting to find out if I am out of a job in December, but I'm still gamble free and happy with the decision. My manager tends to bet a bit and he know about my gambling issue, he even tries to encourage me to bet but you know what, I am not interested but there is a little fascination with gambling still.

At the moment, it's nice to be in a position where I believe that I don't need gambling, so that by the time temptation comes around I will hopefully find easier to say no. The 2016 challenge is working great for me and long may it continue. I slipped up last time, roughly at this point...The guard is up

Good luck everyone