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It is the first time since my last op I have done it. Physio starts in a week or two. One day life will start to look up for me!!

It already is Matt, you just can't see it yet! You faced this head on & didn't run for the crutch of addiction, which would have added financial pain to what you are already going through...That's a very big deal. Keep fighting & look after you - ODAAT

Thanks ODAAT. Yeah I guess you are right, I do wish I had a time machine to go back and do a lot of things again. I had everything I ever dreamed of and threw it all away.

Day 114 begins.

Off out later to catch up with a friend I haven't seen in a long time, she is going through a break up worse than mine! So no doubt we will probably share our sob stories. It will be nice to get out of my friends hair where I am staying for a bit, give them an evening to themselves. Plan to tell her about my gambling too, bit of a test as only my closest friends and family know currently.

Stay strong all.

Day 115 today. Stay strongh all!

Just back from a funeral, my Dad's best friend. Quite emotional. Made me realise a lot. I want to love forever and to be loved forever, I will never f#ck up again...ever. This break up changed my life forever and I will always owe my ex and her daughter a huge part of my heart and thank them for saving my life. This and this only has slammed the brakes on forever of my self destructive ways. From now on I know in my stomach that this is the end of that and the beginning of something very special.

Sadly I will never be able to repay them in person, I accept that now but I will always say a little prayer for them and truly hope for their complete happiness in life. I will always love my girls and treasure the memories.

DAY 116 begins

Had a good day at work, first time in a long while my head was switched fully on.

Off for some beers later and a busy weekend ahead. Filling my time now. However I will not gamble. Day 116 has been a good one.

Hi Matt,

Just wanted to say thanks for the post on my diary.

You really have come such a long way in such a short time....there is no going back now mate.

Cheers

Damo

Thanks Damo

Been a horrible time but thanks to some great friends and my councelling I can definitely see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like the old Matt is back, I like him!

Day 117 nearly done.

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Thanks Allaine. Yep it's worked wonders for me and continues to.

Bit of a sore head this morning after a few beers last night. Catching up with another old friend later for dinner and the cinema. Day 11 8 will be a good one!

day 119 begins

Got lots on this week, which is good. No gambling, no urges and starting to feel like myself again.

I am going out for dinner/drinks on Saturday eve with some new peeps. Kind of got invited as a spare part by a mate of mine and thought to myself that may actually do me the world of good.

Sunday I am making some time to spend with my niece, just the 2 of us. I love her to bits she is 6. I had to break the news to her that I had split with my ex (she is very good friends with her daughter). She was really sad and I got very tearful. So now every other week we are going to have some Uncle Niece time, the small things in life are so important and gambling will never take them away from me again.

I am now enjoying the fight knowing I will never be beaten again.

Glad to hear you're still getting out and about.
Lovely to hear you're going to spend time with your niece. That's what happy memories are made of.
You're sounding so much stronger in yourself. Keep it up! xx