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Day 330

Busy and really enjoyable few days off. London on Thursday for a show and drinks. Friday my Mum came down to help with my garden and then we went for lunch on the sea front, she loved it and it was nice to spend some time together. Friday night I went out for some drinks and pub sports.

Saturday I went to the football, my team lost but it was good to catch up with a couple of my friends. On the way back there was sadly a suicide so all the trains were delayed. There was a little reflection there because as little as 7 months ago I was nearly at that point, what a terrifying thought. However I am concrete proof that at your lowest ebb there is a way back.

Sunday I headed to a house warming party with a lot of my old football friends, that was a really nice day/evening. I stayed at my parents and then headed back in the morning to my house. Yesterday was spent mostly listening to music in the garden chilling out. Then in the evening I headed out for a BBQ.

All in all a highly enjoyable gamble free weekend.

Stay strong everyone

Matt

Day 332 almost done

Transfer deadline day in the football. My friend just text me saying "Not same as last transfer deadline you were living here then. See how far you come. Nice work". Again that painful time feeling a long time ago now. Sat here in my own home looking forward to the future.

Matt

Happy sunday, hope all is well in the land of Matt . Thankyou for your continuing support and good advice , really appreciated .

You have been to some dark miserable places in the gambling hell hole , faced with sadness regret and heartache you've battled on for 335 days and here you are . Anyone who thinks it can't be done has only to look at the challenges you have overcome . A great example and living proof we don't have to bow to the gambling addiction , any hold we feel the addiction has over us is only in our minds . To beat it we only have to say NO , I'M NOT GOING TO GAMBLE TODAY , that's what your doing and your life is going to be a lot better for it .

Keep it up Matt your a wonderful role model . Exercise caution and always be diligent , them pesky gambling demon dudes never give up , always in the shadows and eager to catch us off guard ......stephen

Day 336

Hi Stephen, no problem at all, your doing a great job in your battle and the support you have given others on here second to none.

Appreciate your words. I am now a month away from a whole year gamble free, at times it has felt like the worst year of my life, where I did truly hit my rock bottom. To use a ClichГ© here but that rock bottom did become the solid foundation where I have started to rebuild my life. I went to hell and back on repeat at times but now those experiences have given me a new beginning and one where I will appreciate every moment where possible. I have accepted I am an addict, I have accepted this illness contributed in some reckless decisions and mistakes were made. I have learned from these, I am a person of value and I have more determination than ever to live a life full of happiness, honesty, love, friendship and fun. Ultimately I want to be the person I always wanted to be and not be defined by my past. I am well on the road to doing this and it feels good.

I truly feel honoured and would love to know that my journey can help others in some way and if I could contribute in just one persons recovery and give them the belief and motivation to stop then this diary and the pain I endured will be worth it.

Stay strong everyone, there really is so much life to live.

Matt

Hi Matt, nearly a year is quite something and what you have been through has explored every emotion available. I sincerely have the upmost respect for you, at times you must have felt like giving in to gambling but didn't. You more than deserve the life you want and the person you want to be. Including myself you have obviously helped many others here, great stuff. Have a great GF week and future take care S:)

Thanks Sharon

You too, life is to be lived so lets enjoy and share our GF achievments together on here. I am glad I may have helped you but your achievments are just that, Yours keep going girl and give yourself the credit you fully deserve.

I am off to watch the England game at Wembley tonight with a friend of mine who I lived with during my break up. The support I received from my friends was overwhelming but I never want to need them again the way I did previously.

Stay strong everyone.

Matt

Day 338 begins

Life put firmly into perspective as a good friend of mine in hospital for a kidney transplant operation. Keeping everything crossed for him and his family that it all goes according to plan. You have nothing without your health and to think I took so much for granted and didn't value my life previously is a little wake up call.

I will never place another bet again and really will appreciate everything I have around me now.

Stay strong everyone.

Matt

Day 340

Another fun weekend ahead. Tonight I am going to see IT at the cinema. Tomorrow I am collecting some sofas that I have bought locally second hand from the Friday-Ad. They are less than a yerar old so I can put them in my lounge and continue to make my house a home, this stuff quite excites me now randomly lol. I am doing it sensibly and slowly getting there.

Saturday evening I am at my best friends for dinner. I stayed there at points during the dark times. I am staying overnight again under very different circumstances. Then Sunday morning an early start to head up North to go watch my team play and have a few beers. We are staying up there so should be fun and travelling back hungover on Monday (less fun).

Wishing everybody a lovely gamble free weekend.

Matt

Hi Matt, thanks for posting. Indeed still GF and busy at work which is good. It makes me sad to now realise it wasn't just money I was wasting on gambling but at least I'm heading in the right direction now. With gambling out the way like you say it'S the simple pleasures that make us happy. Have a great weekend and hope your not suffering too much Monday take care S 🙂

Hello Matt . Great respect for your 340 Days GF it really blows me away . Thankyou for showing me that recovery is there for us if we want it . Not only are you blazing a trail but you are respected by everyone on the diaries.

Hope you have a great weekend watching your team win and celebrating there victory . Not sure about the scary film , don't like the look of that clown .

Great the way you have turned your life around and started to enjoy living again ....stephen

one of my favourite diaries, i look forward to the updates,

if you are new to the site, wondering if you have a problem or have just admitted to yourself then read this from start to finish

A fantastic person Matt, wonderful openness, ownership and continued appreciation of what life can offer us - I hope to always be 200 (or so) GF days behind you

best wishes and thoughts to your friend as well, hope the news gets better on that front

Hi matt !

You're approaching the big day ! Nearly 1 year buddy ! Keep it up 🙂 one day at a time .

Sars

Day 344

Thanks everyone for your continued support on my diary, I cannot tell you how much it means to me to have you all behind my recovery. It is nice to hear from you guys, knowing people are reading and taking some encouragement from my journey warms me up inside. If your just browsing my updates please always feel free to say hi, knowing so many of us are in the same boat makes me sad but also it is our own little community here and we all get each other. We may never ever meet in person but I do feel like I have some friends forever here.

I had a very busy but good weekend. My team lost but that's life, had a good little trip away. Yesterday I stopped off in London on my way home to see my friend. His recovery hasn't been straight forwward and he is very unwell but hopefully now turning the corner. His attitude is amazing. Some of the things he has told me about his illness were so eye opening. He didn't choose to get a disease and he doesn't deserve it. He also lost his father to cancer recently so has had a brutal time but he is still smiling, a true inspiration.

His Wife text me yesterday saying how much he enjoyed my visit and that it perked him up. To think that my problems nearly overcome my spirit makes me a little angry. Gambling nearly took everything away from me and I refuse to ever go back there. My life is filled with great people, truly the one thing I have done well in life is choose my friends and I am lucky enough to say I have many of them around me.

I am having a tough day today, a little down. I have days when I miss family life,even if I know it was not meant to be and my escape was a lucky one. I feel I have a lot to give now but the minefield of singledom and the hurt I have suffered terrifies me some days.

Hi Matt glad you had a good weekend and your friend is on the mend. Your journey from day 0 is really quite something and a lesson to us all that we can turn things around. Hope your day picks up, must be hard to adjust to single life even if previous situation wasn't ideal. On the opposite end of things I've been single for so long I can't imagine any different but as my daughter is now a young woman I may try and dip my toe back in the dating game. It wasn't intentional for me to be single during her childhood I just never met anyone and was also aware of other friends having a few different men in and out of their children's lives and I didn't want that, Sorry to blurb on! I'm sure when the right person comes into your life you'like know it and be in a much better GF place. Have a good day and take care S:)

Day 345

Hi Sharon

Don't get me wrong I am in no rush and I do like living on my own and being a fully autonomous person now. I had my troubles and some of that was co-dependancy. I have detached from all that and do feel like I now know who I am and what I want from life and feel I have a lot to offer the right person. It sounds to me like you have put your daughters needs and welfare before your own and that is an amazing thing. Maybe it's Sharon time now. You don't need a man but maybe a nice addition to your life now to be taken out for dinner occasionally. Good luck, someone will be extremely lucky to find you.

Stay strong everyone.

Matt