Help

Two years ago I wrote

"Day 8 GAMBLE FREE. Managed to get through the weekend which is always my biggest test.

I have minimal money to get me through the rest of the month so feeling pretty P#ssed off I have found myself here again.

On a positve note, I feel like I have a lot more clarity in my head, the cloud of gambling haze has lifted and I am thinking straight and back to reality. The reality however really isn't very pretty and a big mess to tidy up. You are right though M.f we can do this. Thanks for reading my diary and replying, it does help knowing someone can relate and hopefully help you too by doing so"

That mess is nearly completely tidied up. I will very shortly be debt free and have my own business to run and hopefully a very bright gamble free future.

This post was before the storm of a horrible break up and the realisation of rock bottom. My rock bottom had me in despair, suicidal and inconsolable grief. To this day I am not sure how I got through those dark times but I did. So if anyone is reading my diary just know it can and it will get better if you quit gambling, address your demons and continue to move forward whatever life throws at you.

Stay strong everyone.

Matt

DAY 751

Yesterday I met with my boss to sign the contract to take over my company as of September 1st next year. A few years ago I was close to bankrupcy, if I had not given up gambling that was a certainty. If I was bankrupt I could not become a company director. Everything I have been through on this journey has convinced me that I am a firm believer in fate. I feel emotionally strong and ready for this next adventure in my life.

I truly hope everyone here can kick the demon within and walk away from gambling for good.

Stay strong all

Matt

Congratulations on your new position, how inspirational and well deserved. Just proves anything is possible if you want it enough despite feel that there is no hope. Enjoy Matt and thank you again for your support Sx

Congratulations on all the good that has come to you! Yes fate has played a part but never underestimate the hard work you have put in learning to manage this addiction.

Cathyx

Well done on reaching 2 years gamble free, Matt!

It sounds like you’re doing really well for yourself which not only pleases me but gives hope to someone like me just starting out on my journey. You’re an inspiration to so many on this forum and you should feel very proud of your achievements.

Dan

DAY 767

I work in aviation so thought it as good a day as any to update my diary.

I have some good and bad news. The bad, I require another major shoulder operation as had another dislocation last week. I met with a surgeon yesterday to discuss my options. The op is pretty grim so I am dreading that but it really needs doing.

The good? Well this week I have receieved £13,500 in interest refunds from PAYDAY LOAN complaints. I put these in for unaffordable lending. I complained back in February and escalated to the Financial Ombudsman in April against several lenders. This week they seem to be coming to fruition and I have a couple more yet to be looked at! This money has gone to clear a lot of my outstanding debt from gambling and paid for a brand new fence. We all know what I would have done with this cash a couple of years back.

I have come through hell financially and now see a debt free future in front of me.!

STAY STRONG ALL

Matt

That is amazing news Matt. What a great reward for battling so hard to get back on top of things. Truly inspirational story :o) kudos to you.

Day 771

Thanks Signalman, wishing you all the best in your recovery. I have had another complaint upheld against a Pay Day loan company. The money I should get back from this one is £9000! If anyone was like me and used Pay Day loan companies to fund their gambling then check out this page. You might be able to claim back too for unaffordable lending, only worth it if you are not gambling as this money should not be used to gamble.

https://debtcamel.co.uk/payday-loan-refunds/comment-page-119/#comment-282651

Hi Matt, well done on getting your refunds sorted and massive congrats on over 2 years GF. I saw your post on debt camal and knew it was you straight away. Your dairy is the only one i have read all the way through on here. Other people that are reading this though need to know before you start claiming, make sure just like Matt you have stopped gambling as if you haven't the only place your refund will be going is back to the bookies

Hi Matt,

Im going to ask admin to drop you my contact details so i can get a bit of advice on a couple of things.

Oldhamktf wrote:

Hi Matt,

Im going to ask admin to drop you my contact details so i can get a bit of advice on a couple of things.

No problem at all mate

Day 791

My updates are not as regular these days but I am still embracing the gamble free life. Last week I was in Riga and Malmo on business, great places and successful trips. Weekend I went to watch football and Sunday went for lunch. This time last year I was whale watching and dog sledding, it's crazy how quick the time flies by. This time 2 years ago I was in the midst of a personal crisis and a brutal break up. Those days feel so long ago but fresh in the mind is how destructive it can be to take the risks we do.

I guess I will remember every year around this time how bad it was. Walking the streets Xmas day in floods of uncontrollable tears, I was heartbroken and at rock bottom.

I cried again today but in happiness, my brother and his partner are expecting a baby, so I will be an Uncle again lol. He sent me a video of my niece opening up a framed scan photo and her reaction was magical. She was sat on her Dad's lap and said your having another baby? She then proceeded to cry tears of joy and cuddle her Dad. Moments like that make me realise what life is all about.

Stay strong everyone, I know if you are in the midst of gambling this can be the toughest of times, worrying about affording Xmas. I truly hope everyone can beat this.

Matt

x

Matt 24 wrote:

Day 791

My updates are not as regular these days but I am still embracing the gamble free life. Last week I was in Riga and Malmo on business, great places and successful trips. Weekend I went to watch football and Sunday went for lunch. This time last year I was whale watching and dog sledding, it's crazy how quick the time flies by. This time 2 years ago I was in the midst of a personal crisis and a brutal break up. Those days feel so long ago but fresh in the mind is how destructive it can be to take the risks we do.

I guess I will remember every year around this time how bad it was. Walking the streets Xmas day in floods of uncontrollable tears, I was heartbroken and at rock bottom.

I cried again today but in happiness, my brother and his partner are expecting a baby, so I will be an Uncle again lol. He sent me a video of my niece opening up a framed scan photo and her reaction was magical. She was sat on her Dad's lap and said your having another baby? She then proceeded to cry tears of joy and cuddle her Dad. Moments like that make me realise what life is all about.

Stay strong everyone, I know if you are in the midst of gambling this can be the toughest of times, worrying about affording Xmas. I truly hope everyone can beat this.

Matt

x

Beautiful post Matt. You really are a legend. I'm so happy for you... Almost brings a tear to my eye! :o)

Day 800.

That seems like a big number but in the context of this battle, the day counter now feels a little irrelavant. I like going back and looking where I was to where I am now. On page 2, 2 years ago to this very day I wrote....

Day 70 begins, no urges at all to gamble or self destruct. Truly feel this is finally my time to leave this all behind me.

Long road ahead and under no illusion it will be hard but this all feels so different now. Am I back? Do I now truly have a shot at life in the proper context?

I never plan to even buy a lottery ticket, a life free of risk but one of total fulfilment in a different way.

Stay strong everyone we can do this.

I didn't have foresight, it may sound like I did but what I did have was hope. I had hope and I had determination to at least try and get back to a better me, the real me. Here I am today, far from perfect, still an addict but one who still has that determination to move forward every day and improve what I can.

I will leave you with the serenity prayer, it means a lot to me these days......

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Stay strong all

Matt

Great post Matt! Shows what you can achieve when you truly commit to recovery. I remember back in 2016 following your journey in the early days (I was tommy190416 back then). I did 18months gamble free but it wasn't an honest recovery. I was still living a secret life, hiding my debt and just refraining from gambling. Relapsed in November last year and kept gambling for 6 months again. One thing is for sure, it always gets worse as you know this is a progressive illness.

Since end of April this year I have thrown the towel in and committed to an honest recovery. Those around me know everything now and I attend GA weekly which is a massive help to me. Couple of bouts of Gamcare counselling have also been a big help. I know I can never gamble again and also that I need GA in my life, I've tried it "my way" too many times but I honestly feel so different this time.

You are going from strength to strength and a shining example to newcomers to the forum. Well played mate.