Hope to All! Be Truthful.

Hi All day 6 now over. Been a really hard 6 as well! Not sleepin great. Tending to sleep 3 hours before waking up! Actually do look forward to late evenings though reading posts now seein we are slowly reaching certain goals.Again at work and home to a lovely afternoon sorting outside out! Wife's happy, wouldn't be if she knew I'd lapsed. Pay day tomoz and £1700 in the bank,should have £1000 to last on if I didn't have debts to pay but instead it's £490 loans,£170 credit card bill and £150 phone,Gym,school dinners ect, instead a poultry £150 or so to last on! Thats what gets me down so much! Main thing is though to keep focused from now ! I could actually go draw another £1200 in the nextb6 days with still having my card! But I'm not gonna do it! I do want to cut it up but my 12 month interest free is up on a £6500k card end of may and itl be needed then to balance transfer! If only theyre was someone that could assist you and see Youv been hammering yr cards unusually but no they want to max everything up! I only owe that on my cards now but still the limits on the 3 I have are to a total of 20k.why should anyone never Mind me be allowed to spend that much money! Slowly falling asleep now so Im gonna sigh of ! Keep it going folks! Keep posting! Hard few days coming up! Wifes back at work tomoz when damage has been done recently! Take care all

Hi Will89,

Sounds like you're back on track. I'll be pulling for you over the next few difficult days. Just thought I'd pass on what's working for me and the Cc's as advancable balances become avail again...I keep them locked away in a bank safe deposit box a small drive from my house. It keeps the OH from finding them, keeps me from using them for impulses, and keeps them avail for a true need (gambling does not qualify!)

So far it's been an effective barrier for me.

Sharon

Hey Wills 89,

Hope everythings ok and you havn't been tempted...I have recently lost 8k in one day on fobts...What started out as a snippet of gambling soon escalated into all out adrenline rushes...The thing is I am not as lucky as you because I will not have anyone to bail me out ..I maxed out all the loans, ccs and overdrafts...THe funny part is the banks kept throwing me the credit lines...This instance, however, my credit is destined to crash.

The good news is, previously I managed to live 18 months gamble free...And saved myself stress, time and money...However, I have been back to it...This time around it has hit home for real...

"I will bury gambling, before gambling buries me!!"

Easy li£e

Hi Will

You speak of walking past old haunts and being tempted to go in. Why not go in and self exclude. It's easy and is an absolute life saver. It takes away any chance of slipping. I have heard so many excuses over the years of why people don't exclude.

Want to do it on my own

Embarrassed

Too many shops to exclude

Self discipline is the key

The list goes on.

Just get it done and you'll feel 100% better!

Take care

Hi Will,

I really appreciate you posting on my diary. It is so true. The banks see that you are getting yourself in a mess but let you continue until you have maxed out your cards. Keep fighting those temptations mate. We can do this.

Best wishes

Dave

hello will just read part 1 of your diary thats me like your self i am in a mess wont to stop but your always thinking off that big win that can solve your your debts out i am now trying to give up but finding it very hard trying to find the courage to tell wife and kids of the addiction and the debt i am in been hide in it for years one day i will beat it 3rd day without abet like a drug user i have got the shakes

Day 7- thanks again folks for postings folks really does encourage me! No urges,Easy day though really I worked a 8-5 shift and on these days never get chance to enter you know where!wife always expects me home by 1715 So if Im not il soon get caught out again, went Straight home to take son out for a kick around till half 7.

Watched Utd nodded off 10pm and guess what! wide awake again at 2am. One good thing at least I can get on here.

Fun begins tomoz! Back on afters where problems begin usually! I Have from 8-12pm of free time before work and usually hit the gym problem is gettin past the haunting joints.

Hoping my Cc bill comes tomoz also really couldn't handle the wife knowing I'd relapsed. Just need to get this month and next and it should show Zero again due to my balance transfer.

Bday next week and about to enter my 35th year! What an achievement it would be if hitting 36 Im 370 odd days without a bet! Fingers crossed! Keep postin folks and good luck.

Self exclude and your problem will be better handled!

Does self excluding mean not entering the place or placing a bet! In my job I do have to visit these places for certain aspects to do with my job! I can never bet while at work but I'd feel a prat if I visit a place to do a Job and they throw me out or start shouting in front of customers! Sorry re quick update gotta get young un to school.

Out of interest, what is your job? Do you work for a bookmaker and visit other bookmakers to check-out competitor deals and offers? I would exclude yourself from online bookmakers if you have not done so already. It is best to restrict your ability to place a bet as soon as possible, especially in the early stages of recovery.

Will,

Welcome back to the site. From a selfish point of view your diary has reminded me that we are on our journey for life. To go over 200 hundred days gamble free and then slip back into the same situation must be incredibly difficult. If you don't mind me asking why did you return to gambling? Did something happen or did you just become complacent. Also, have you looked at what you were doing when you first quit compared to how you were acting when you slipped back. Before Christmas I had went just over one hundred days gamble free before returning to the same life. I really looked at myself closely and realised that all the barriers and rules I had applied to my life no longer existed. I can't pinpoint when this happened or why it happened. I think I became complacent and thought that I loved my new life so much that I wouldn't possibly go back to a life that involved gambling.

The key thing here, I think, is that you know how to tackle this problem. You are one of the few who managed to stay away from gambling for such a long time. You have already succeeded and will succeed again.

The subject of debt is a touchy subject. When in the midst of gambling every debt seems massive and we constantly wonder how we will be able to pay it back and how quickly to the point that it consumes our ever thought. It is only when we stay away from gambling for a decent length of time that we realise the debt isn't as crippling as first thought. I hope you take your time to think about your credit card debt and don't do anything rash. As mentioned previously elsewhere, the credit card company will not call tomorrow and insist you pay every penny back immediately. I find it hard but I try to practise patience.

Good luck.

Tomso.

Day 8-Took young un to school and ended up escorting the kids Swimming through a parent letting them down! headed straight into work a 12-2200 shift and Never got no where near a haunting joint today due to no time to myself! Tomo took in what Youv said and much appreciated! I'm not in a bookmaking job I deal with prevention and security issues hence while I don't exclude myself! Know Thursday il be ok as the wife's off but big challenges ahead tomorrow and Friday as I'm on my own again with time to myself!I Feel and mentally exhausted at present,eyes struggling to stop open but I know il be awake again in 3-4 hours in sure! Keep plugging way gang!

Good start to day 9! 7 hours sleep without waking! In answer to yr question Tomso! I think the fact I returned to gambling was the fact I gradually got used to havin money in my pocket again! To build up £300 plus From weekly allowances was good but I shouldnt have been able to do that! I'm talking to my wife daily again lettin her know what's in my pocket which I believe is a self assurance thing! I can't be trusted with money! He gave me £150 to pay a bill at the beginning of the month which went straight into you know where! Next moment I'm drawing cash out the bank with passport or on the cc! Thanks a lot for your advise again! Good luck today folks!

thanks for the post Will. Your right having a supportive partner is great and helps us to not gamble. Although i'm only in the early stages my hubby has my cards and controls all the money and i find it keeps me from even thinking about gambling. like your wife he does leave me with cash for everyday stuff but I always ask for less money maybe next time you split the cash you should try saying i wont need more than £x today so you cant build up a stash.

i have 1 bit of advice which i hope you take!

tell your wife about your slip dont let her find out by seeing the cc statement she may never forgive you, maybe you could show her recent diary entries.

keep strong your back on track xx

Day 9- dropped you un of to school and headed to the gym as I walked past my old haunting joint I actually felt Physically sick looked through the window as I past and saw a few regulars on the slots.

Had a good workout and weighed myself to find I'd lost 5lb in a week(Gotta be todo with the stress)

walked past again on the way home which wasn't as bad and arrived home up find my golden ticket yes my cc bill!

Opened it to find it £85 in credit due to my balance transfer-felt upset again and sick.

Looked it up to see I'd ran up £1330 in 6 days! Quick shower and made my way to work,i drew £80 out,this Cc is now around zero. One thing of my mind ghpugj and now i can breath little for a week or so until my consolidated cc bill arrives next week! I will come clean soon but the times not right I'm handling myself well and my wife and don are very happy on our homelife! By posting daily and sharing experiences this is helping me get through!

The £80 is locked away in my locker at work to forget about until my consolidated bill comes and it can be paid off that! Cc card now back out the way also.

Looking forward to tomoz first my first rest day of work of 4 off with the Wife! Got no money in my pockets now due to it being left at work.

Never gamble when the wife's off as I'm never on my own.

Thanks Lisa for yr advise and keep up the progress chuck!