Hope

Hi S.A.

Thanks again for all your time and effort to post on my thread. They really do make a difference. Stay strong and keep posting. That's al I'm doing for now and it is working for me. I know I'll have to move on but it will be in my own time.

Thanks again

Steve E

Into day 167 gambling free.

Just got back from a club...mate was driving..so no hassle of taxi's or night buses. As is often the case I enjoyed the chat and the laugh with my friends. But if felt uncomfortable in the club.. The place was full of geezers..felt like a fight was going to break out.. or thats how it felt to me anyway.. we left.. am not a macho bloke.. all that front.. all that bravado.. its all show.. its all stupid and i want no part of it.

I dunno why I am saying all this.. bit drunk i spose.. no thoughts or urges to gamble though.. am done with all of that.. the gamblers life. Ive come along way.. I use to gamble every day and now i dont gamble at all. There is still much I want to change in my life.. but Rome was not built in a day. I still have an underlying deprerssion I am still a bit lost and lacking direction in life.. but i am working on it.. bit by bit.

On a lighter note I bought a nice leather jacket today.. now that was something I could never do when I was gambling. I am now taking more of an interest in what i look like, what I wear..how i present myself to the world. I am becoming a more confident human being in myself. I am taking responsibility for my life.

Regards to all who read this. S.A 🙂

Hi thanks for posting on my diary, lovely to have so much support. Thought I would read yours and what an inspiration I feel you are... You have done so well, Well Done. Day 167 WOW, sorry your feeling a bit down but I can feel your life is deffinatley on the up.

Great stuff, keep strong

Love Mary

x

Hi Sa, just thought I'd pop in and say hello. You have come such a long way, you can be very proud of yourself. Glad you are treating yourself to new things, its a nice feeling. Cooking Choi Sum tonight. Shall I save you a serving? Take care, stay strong, Ostrich

Thank you for your encouragment Mary and Ostrich.. and yes please Ostrich..large serving if you please.. 🙂

You sound much better SA, and buying a leather jacket thats great, good to treat yourself and I believe that when gambling alot you lose self respect, you are now getting that back as you say you are thinking of how you look, thats great, keep it up, well done, Best Wishes Bandit

hi sa. and wow 167 days :)keep it up matey it is nice too treat yourself now and again and make more of an effort on your self tc shell x

lol i know... and i still havent read the old diaries yet you know the ones that take like 2 hours too read lol.... i love bolognese its my favourite meal white wine... chillaxing now as they call it after the results show x

lol u are posting tonight also hehe

Hi SA,

Thanks for posting on my diary, it really helps to know someone is reading. Have been reading through some of your diary, and have drawn a lot of inspiration from your journey.

You are doing so well, keep it up

Laszlo

Day 169 gambling free

Ive had a tough couple of days. I lost all power to my flat Saturday night onwards.. just restored an hour or so ago. Its totally thrown me.. to be without light, heat, hot water, cooking facilities. To be honest I just wanted to cry.

Ive had a real battle with my electric comapany.. who did not at first want to take the responsibility for fixing the mess and said it was the responsibility of the distribution company..but anyway this was only the start of the trouble.. I really havent coped with it well. I was totally lost. I went out yesterday when it got dark just because I didnt know what to do.. other than go to bed. Sitting in a dark, cold flat on your own is no fun. I ended up in town standing in the pouring rain, the shops were shutting and the only places open were arcades, bookies, casinos, pubs and fast food outlets.

In the past i would have gone straight to the arcade to feed machines and keep warm.. but not now.. I am stronger than my addiction now. i went for something to eat and then i went for a swim and then a slow walk home and went to bed. I did not gamble and i am very proud of myself but I did admit that the thought did cross my mind.

There is nothing quite like not having the basic fundamentals of modern living. I am now on quite a high.. becuase i can switch the kettle on and i have light and i can type this into my computer. I felt terrible alone yesterday but i did cope.

Another positive is that i made the effort to phone friends and family and talk about how i was feeling and how throughly fed up i was. It did help.. talking does help..it helped me. Its just for me when i am in a difficult headspace it dont come easy. i know that if i let my stress just swim around and around my headspace.. eventually it will come out sideways as gambling.

Today is a good day. Today I did not gamble.

Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Hiya SA,

Certainly been a tough time..you said you didn't cope very well..I think you did..you did everything you could.

I hear a real change happening with you....and you should be really proud of yourself 🙂

Del xxxx

Day 170 gambling free

Thanks Del x

I do feel proud of myself and today i do feel strong in recovery. Day at a time works for me and continues to work for me.

Its amazing the difference a day makes.. ive bounced back from my despair at having no electricity. It gets me thinking about how we all take these things for granted and when its taken away how easy its possible to fall into a state of disarray. On Sunday I felt like a mess (no light, no heat, no hot water) but its true I did cope and i feel a stronger person for it.

Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Hi SA, pleased to hear that you are now empowered!!!

I fully agree with what you have said in my post. I am very weak, and could not just walk past the door when the opportunity was there.

Well done you on getting past the 170 days thats great. Bandit

Hi SA, just caught up on you. 170 days, and having survived the weekend from hell. You have come such a long way. You are so strong now. Hope you enjoyed those naughty mince pies! fancy them tripping you up, had to take them home and teach them a lesson by eating them! Got a nice bit of stilton in the fridge for your crackers later. Take care. love Ostrichx