Hope

A good day today. I am feeling well. A combination of having recovered from my long runs and also maybe a couple of days of eating fairly healthily.... it included carrots.

Work was much more manageable than it was yesterday. If only everyday was like that.

I am grateful that I still have the gift of life and the opportunities that it can bring.

Thanks for listening

Those good days keep us going, eh?

Spring is in the air! I'm enjoying the extra daylight.

Well things are good here. Iv'e had some inheritance come my way and its being drip fed as and when I need it and/or want it. I have now made "partial settlements" to close the accounts with all my creditors and without wanting to state figures I have paid a lot less than what I owed. I am now essentially debt free but with a bad credit rating.. which is the best state of affairs for me.

As far as gambling as gambling goes am doing ok. I have renewed the blocking software on my computer which is the real danger area for me.

I am starting to live life normally. I have rejoined the gym and leisure club. Must say iv'e really missed the gym/pool/sauna etc. I am starting to buy things that I needed/wanted, but no hurry with this and also got my rent etc well ahead.

As far as work goes am looking to go on to a zero hours contract, which am sure the company will be very happy with. I can afford not to work for quite some time but ive decided on going back to picking up shifts as and when. It will give me the freedom I want. I can now go places without planning a month in advance and spend more time trying to live my life and try new things other than the relentless "work/home/supermarket" existence that's been my life for many years.

My world is currently full of opportunity... I intend not to f**k it up with gambling.

Thanks for listening

SA,

I am delighted for you. That was great to read.

I know you have went without some basic comforts for weeks at a time and you have lived on strict budgets for long periods so to read that you’ve now cleared debt and can enjoy nice things fills me with joy.

This is a real fresh start for you. Take advantage of this and enjoy yourself.

If you mess this up I am hunting you down. I’ll be relentless ???

Youve made my day. I’m so happy for you. You deserve this chance.

RR

I’m really pleased for you, you deserve a bit of luck. Whatever you do don’t lose it on gambling stay strong and enjoy the money 

Thank you both. Its not like am sitting on a fortune mind.... but yes its true that relative to how I have been living its a step up. Also its not like there is a big wedge of money just sitting in my bank account winking at me. I have to phone my sister and say what i want the money for and she transfers it. Its a basic level of accountability and so far its worked just fine.

Am off to work in a bit. I rather think that management will try to persuade me not to come off my current contract and go to zero hours. They will give lots of sensible reasons about guaranteed hours etc etc, but the reality is that am a good worker, reliable and well liked, so why would they want me just to be doing the odd the shift to keep my hand in??

Iv'e got to stay strong. I think to myself... I don't have children to feed and clothe. I don't have a partner to support. I don't have debt. Why would I want the focus of my life to be based around my next shift. Why would I want to commit myself to being in my home town 3 weekends out of four to satisfy the on-going commitment to the rota. Why do I have to continue to plan things atleast a month in advance, to satisfy the needs of the rota and my job?? Why do I have to plan my life around my job. This is probably the only time in my life so far where i don't have to do that.

There is a struggle going on in my headspace. Work is not the be all and end all is it?? I think thirty years at the coal face of support others is enough isn't it?? I have made my contribution to society. Can't I try to be a selfish sod for a bit??

Thanks for listening

@s-687 yes enjoy the money. But unless it’s a hell of a lot. I’d not want to drop down to a zero hours contract mate 

Hi SA,

I think It's wonderful  news and as you see, we are all rooting for you and your choices going  forward.  It's good that you're drip fed the money as I believe  it's the safest option for everyone and I'm just glad that your family  is so understanding  in the regard.

Joined gym? That's marvellous and will aid you a lot going  forward  fulfilling your fitness targets as well as mental wellbeing. 

Regarding  work. ...as we all know, we have to enjoy  what we do. And I don't  say that you don't, but you're clearly exhausted  from all the good deeds you dis over the years so I think a little  break with zero contract  hours is a good tactic. The thing is, with your skills and caring nature, you can grab any pattern and shifts you like and return to full time at any time...so, - do not overthink this, take rest you so deserve  and build your work alongside  your life, not other way round. Besides,  having  your breath and rest back, May bring you more opportunities  elsewhere,  you never know what your mind may come up with when it's rested and clear ?

Life is for living  and to be fair, rather late than never!

Enjoy  everything  wonderful  what comes your way...and, for starters - treat yourself with hot and fulfilling hot meal ? 

S&B xx

Ah, this is brilliant news!

It sounds like your sis has enough insight into your previous patterns to know when you're asking for "too much" money, in a short space of time. I think sometimes we fool ourselves that we're subtle and great at hiding it but once people know, it's easy to spot the frenzied behaviour and erratic demands.

Zero hours sounds absolutely perfect! Stay strong and give them the choice of "it's either zero hours or I leave completely" I know which option they will accept 😉

Well thank you friends. Things are ok here, but far from Ok with the great suffering in Ukraine. I am now officially on a zero hours contract and not picking up work for now. So I now of course have lots of time to watch the news and feel angry at what's going on. I hope that those that surround Vlad the dictator come to their senses and remove this psychopath from power and then turn their soldiers around and send them home. Is it just me, cos I genuinely thought that we'd finally consigned these major invasions of countries to history... sadly its not the case.

My problems, worries and issues seem inconsequential compared to the suffering of others. The bottom line is that I have a roof over my head, food in the cupboards, freedom to do as I please and a few quid in the bank. Life is good and i try to remind myself of that.

Regards to all who read this.

Thanks for listening

Hi S.A

I totally agree how appalling this situation is with Ukraine and Russia. There is so much pain and suffering with the people involved. I'm sure there are lots of Russian soldiers too that are against having to carry out this so called military exercise.

It's unbelievable that Putin is carrying out such atrocities all because he fears NATO being a threat to his beloved country. The suffering that Russian citizens are going to endure over the coming decades will also be horrific. 

You are absolutely correct when you refer to Putin as a psychopath. He can't have one ounce of sympathy, empathy or compassion when being responsible for all this destruction. I would love to believe that he doesn't sleep at night but I doubt it very much. Like yourself it makes me so so angry.

Watching all the refugees fleeing for their lives and leaving partners and husbands there to fight is soul destroying to watch. 

It has certainly put my life into perspective and has given me so much gratitude for such basic things that are more than often taken for granted. 

Kind regards 

Thanks both.

Iv'e been to the dentist today. He looked about 12 lol

Anyway to cut a long story short. I can have a bridge on the NHS to "bridge" the gap of my missing tooth... total cost... £600 on the NHS or have an implant done privately (not available on NHS) for circa £3000

Now I could afford the 3k, (thanks dad) but do people really pay 3k to have one tooth replaced?? It would give me my smile back, but 3k??.. the bridge it is me thinks.

Ive just been asked to do the night shift. I says no.

Thanks for listening

Yes I hear you and agree. But lets not beat around the bush. Alot of compulsive gamblers don't go to the dentist simply because they don't have any money. That's been the case with me for sure.

Yes I am starting to value myself. Iv'e spent 2 years smiling with my lips and it would be lovely to be able to smile with my teeth. bridge work here we come. I hope he knows what he is doing. getting the tooth root out won't be easy. after 2 years the gum has almost grown over it. I will keep the world updated.

Iv'e been for a long endurance run today. Glad I took my woolly hat. Really cold wind. Did I enjoy it though?? yeah it was ace, pushed myself to a new level, knowing that I didn't have to save some energy to go to work. Am gonna really take advantage of my work break to see how far I can push myself and to do the sub-4 hour marathon later in the year. That's the goal.

To any Ukranians reading my thoughts. Am with you all the way. Fight like lions. get the Russain's out of your country!!

Thanks for listening.

A day in the life...

Was up at 6.30 a.m frying some diced beef which then went into my new slow cooker with some casserole vegetables.

I left my home at 7.40 a.m for what turned into a mammoth run. Arrived home at 10.05. I must surely have done at least half a marathon. bath breakfast and then a lie down assuming I was gonna feel pretty f****d for the rest of the day. But as it turned out, not the case. Tucking into beef casserole for lunch and then out for a swim/sauna/jacuzzi, walked both ways. Unfortunately I ruined the healthy eating regime by having a macdonalds milk shake and then family bag of cheese P***s from asda. came home and then polished off the remainder of the 3.5 litres of beef stew lol Am now over full and feeling fat.

Just watched some telly. Still feeling angry about Putin. I will make some sort of donation to a good cause.

No gambling.

Thanks for listening

Check you out!!!

With every sentence  I read, the bigger smile appeared on this mug! Thank you as you were the first to accomplish  that in days! (OK OK...I was a bit cheeky in gym passing few smiles today lol...woman's  day after all!)

Seriously,  so great to read about your day. Mc'ds? Are ya kidding man? Thats the first I ever heard from you and I think that made me even more happier! You sound on even keel now...you sound like you're  taking  life on its offer and enjoying  everything you can.

Good on you man, truly good on you and most importantly  - you so deserve  it! Impressive  run along...I found it very difficult  to complete  5k today...it wasn't  even straight  run..it was walk/run/walk and taken me 31min...ah well, I guess I just exhausted  my  body recently and simply  had to take it steady.

Back to you...

KEEP ON KEEPING  ON SA! 

Well done on new found you ?

Enjoy  and don't  let others get you down

S&B xx