Hope

@sb28 

Yes you are correct I am over 50 years of age, I am 75 next month.

I have ben in recovery for over 50 years, yet I have been clean just under 30 years.

So twenty years to learn and understand how unhealthy I was.

50 years to learn and understand my emotional triggers.

50 years to learn to heal that hurt inner child in me.

50 years to learn to reduce all of my fears.

50 years to learn to set healthy boundaries for myself.

50 years to learn to become the nicest healthiest person I can be today.

Rgards Dave L

Thanks for your thoughts Dave. Age really is just a number a human way to measure the passing of time as we understand it. From things I have read and watched age and time does not exist in the afterlife, in the spiritual domain.

In this human world I work with the elderly and to someone of 90 I am a mere whipper snapper. To some of my 20 year old colleagues I am a fossil lol... but however you look at it, to me it really is just a number.

Work is a mixed bag as always. It was actually a very slow shift... too many staff and not enough work... which is very unusual. But its all about to change again, two members of staff just rung in having tested positive for Covid... so my week end off will undoubtedly not happen. Just tested myself, negative as always. Part of me wants to get this stupid virus just so I can have a few days rest and relaxation. Am sure some people just say they have it so they can get some time off. Am tired of this caring job.... just tired of it...

Looking forward to some inheritance... gives me options and possibilities. Still a bit of a process to go through though after chatting with my sister yesterday. Hey ho. No gambling issues

Onwards....

Thanks for listening

Hi SA, 

I agree, age is only a number! And we are old only to what we feel. You and your running gives you an age of a sprinter! I had cramps with my dodgy knee 5 times today where I had to stand up and do a little shuffle around cause couldn't  feel d**n knee!..so my age...well,late 80"s on few occasions  today.

Regarding the covid. Oh I spoke sooo too soon and it's not as fun as I expected  ?. Am a bit poorly myself but, since I announced  I am fit to work from home, a laptop was delivered  at my doorstep  immediately  ?...now, working  from home explains  the cramps I kept having but also...its quite new experience  for me. 

Miss going out this, didn't  realise the restriction  to stay I will affect me this bad. All this online shopping malarkey, no walkies, no gym...I guess lil one suffers the effects also as just sits near the door every morning  expecting  to go on a journey...but all I can do is just to let her in the garden ?..its difficult  when you live on your own too...

Anyway..work...Apart from like 20 calls I had to make today, the last one made the laugh...cause I was onto IT department and they do that fancy thing when just log in to your desktop  from afar (I'm still in awe!) and it made me laugh as I had the person on a loudspeaker  and Bella was just snoring her head off like no tomorrow  and pretty loud lol...so I was giggling  to myself as sure the person  would hear the background  ??...and trust me, she snores pretty loud ..and sound!

Even if I feel a bit under weather, Im glad I managed to do what I could with work and assist in any way! I managed to do a lit! Gives me great feeling of satisfaction.  Wouldn't  mind doing this full time, it's more structured  and not chaotic where I need to run from one thing to another  whilst do my daily  tasking ....

Anyhow....we are OK yeah, we are on a straight  and narrow....we are staying  safe!

Hugs & I shall log off from work for the day!

S&B xx

Hiya... thanks for your thoughts. Glad to read on your thread that your starting to feel a bit better. Am still waiting to catch it whilst all around me have either got it or had it. Though like you say, if I do get it the reality of staying in for 5 days will probably do my fruit in. 

Must admit am knackered. I didn't realise how worn out I was until somebody pointed it out ie how exhausted i look. The two long runs I did over the weekend have caught up with me. I forget am not a young man anymore. One hour 45 mins on saturday and one hour 15 mins on sunday.... thats 3 hours of running. So lets say I was averaging 10 minute miles... thats 18 miles for the weekend. Not bad for a mature old crusty runner like myself lol

Work P****d me off today, probably cos I was soo f****d, but hey ho survived another shift.

No gambling issues.

Thanks for listening. Might have a little nap now 

A good day today. I am feeling well. A combination of having recovered from my long runs and also maybe a couple of days of eating fairly healthily.... it included carrots.

Work was much more manageable than it was yesterday. If only everyday was like that.

I am grateful that I still have the gift of life and the opportunities that it can bring.

Thanks for listening

Those good days keep us going, eh?

Spring is in the air! I'm enjoying the extra daylight.

@freda 

Hi

It is those healthy days that keep us focused and motivated.

The more healthy I got the more I wanted to be even more healthy and open up to so many opportunities.

As I got more healthy the fears in me reduced and the trust in me grew.

Dave L

Well things are good here. Iv'e had some inheritance come my way and its being drip fed as and when I need it and/or want it. I have now made "partial settlements" to close the accounts with all my creditors and without wanting to state figures I have paid a lot less than what I owed. I am now essentially debt free but with a bad credit rating.. which is the best state of affairs for me.

As far as gambling as gambling goes am doing ok. I have renewed the blocking software on my computer which is the real danger area for me.

I am starting to live life normally. I have rejoined the gym and leisure club. Must say iv'e really missed the gym/pool/sauna etc. I am starting to buy things that I needed/wanted, but no hurry with this and also got my rent etc well ahead.

As far as work goes am looking to go on to a zero hours contract, which am sure the company will be very happy with. I can afford not to work for quite some time but ive decided on going back to picking up shifts as and when. It will give me the freedom I want. I can now go places without planning a month in advance and spend more time trying to live my life and try new things other than the relentless "work/home/supermarket" existence that's been my life for many years.

My world is currently full of opportunity... I intend not to f**k it up with gambling.

Thanks for listening

SA,

I am delighted for you. That was great to read.

I know you have went without some basic comforts for weeks at a time and you have lived on strict budgets for long periods so to read that you’ve now cleared debt and can enjoy nice things fills me with joy.

This is a real fresh start for you. Take advantage of this and enjoy yourself.

If you mess this up I am hunting you down. I’ll be relentless ???

Youve made my day. I’m so happy for you. You deserve this chance.

RR

I’m really pleased for you, you deserve a bit of luck. Whatever you do don’t lose it on gambling stay strong and enjoy the money 

Thank you both. Its not like am sitting on a fortune mind.... but yes its true that relative to how I have been living its a step up. Also its not like there is a big wedge of money just sitting in my bank account winking at me. I have to phone my sister and say what i want the money for and she transfers it. Its a basic level of accountability and so far its worked just fine.

Am off to work in a bit. I rather think that management will try to persuade me not to come off my current contract and go to zero hours. They will give lots of sensible reasons about guaranteed hours etc etc, but the reality is that am a good worker, reliable and well liked, so why would they want me just to be doing the odd the shift to keep my hand in??

Iv'e got to stay strong. I think to myself... I don't have children to feed and clothe. I don't have a partner to support. I don't have debt. Why would I want the focus of my life to be based around my next shift. Why would I want to commit myself to being in my home town 3 weekends out of four to satisfy the on-going commitment to the rota. Why do I have to continue to plan things atleast a month in advance, to satisfy the needs of the rota and my job?? Why do I have to plan my life around my job. This is probably the only time in my life so far where i don't have to do that.

There is a struggle going on in my headspace. Work is not the be all and end all is it?? I think thirty years at the coal face of support others is enough isn't it?? I have made my contribution to society. Can't I try to be a selfish sod for a bit??

Thanks for listening

@s-687 yes enjoy the money. But unless it’s a hell of a lot. I’d not want to drop down to a zero hours contract mate 

Hi SA,

I think It's wonderful  news and as you see, we are all rooting for you and your choices going  forward.  It's good that you're drip fed the money as I believe  it's the safest option for everyone and I'm just glad that your family  is so understanding  in the regard.

Joined gym? That's marvellous and will aid you a lot going  forward  fulfilling your fitness targets as well as mental wellbeing. 

Regarding  work. ...as we all know, we have to enjoy  what we do. And I don't  say that you don't, but you're clearly exhausted  from all the good deeds you dis over the years so I think a little  break with zero contract  hours is a good tactic. The thing is, with your skills and caring nature, you can grab any pattern and shifts you like and return to full time at any time...so, - do not overthink this, take rest you so deserve  and build your work alongside  your life, not other way round. Besides,  having  your breath and rest back, May bring you more opportunities  elsewhere,  you never know what your mind may come up with when it's rested and clear ?

Life is for living  and to be fair, rather late than never!

Enjoy  everything  wonderful  what comes your way...and, for starters - treat yourself with hot and fulfilling hot meal ? 

S&B xx

Ah, this is brilliant news!

It sounds like your sis has enough insight into your previous patterns to know when you're asking for "too much" money, in a short space of time. I think sometimes we fool ourselves that we're subtle and great at hiding it but once people know, it's easy to spot the frenzied behaviour and erratic demands.

Zero hours sounds absolutely perfect! Stay strong and give them the choice of "it's either zero hours or I leave completely" I know which option they will accept 😉

Well thank you friends. Things are ok here, but far from Ok with the great suffering in Ukraine. I am now officially on a zero hours contract and not picking up work for now. So I now of course have lots of time to watch the news and feel angry at what's going on. I hope that those that surround Vlad the dictator come to their senses and remove this psychopath from power and then turn their soldiers around and send them home. Is it just me, cos I genuinely thought that we'd finally consigned these major invasions of countries to history... sadly its not the case.

My problems, worries and issues seem inconsequential compared to the suffering of others. The bottom line is that I have a roof over my head, food in the cupboards, freedom to do as I please and a few quid in the bank. Life is good and i try to remind myself of that.

Regards to all who read this.

Thanks for listening