how did I end up like this?

You're not alone mate, lots of us have a very similar story. There are members on here who have found themselves in a similar predicament and have picked up their lives and found ways to sucessfully beat their problem. My take on things is that in order to stop you need to sit down and tell the people that are close to you. It may seem the hardest thing to do, but over time they will be supportive and crucial in your recovery. Let someone close to you manage your finances to take the pressure off you and prevent you slipping up, and look into self excluding yourself from any websites or arcades that you use. Theres loads on here who will help, you have made a good start by posting a diary, stick with it. Good luck, I hope to see this diary grow.

Thanks for your advice Bornagain (-:

Managed to go in a betting shop today to pick up me Mams £2.25p she won on the irish last night. I stood and watched people put money in the machines/slots and watched the despair and desperation in thier faces, I just walked out and felt nothing for the slots, pausing just for them few minutes just to look at other 'victims' in there made me feel so sad. As the late Great Winston Churchill used to KBO! (keep bug9er!ng on!) which is the motto i have in me head at the moment.

Update time. Its been a weekend where I did have the urge BUT managed to get threw the weekend without sticking any of my real hard earned money into those brain washing stupid machines. I did have to go into the Bookies to put mine and Mams Irish lotto on (£3 each) I saw the same z0mbie faces pumping money into the machines. I really hope to get to New Years Eve 'slot free' and I intend to get very drunk on New Years Eve to put this year to bed as its been one of the worst years of my life. I believe in God (I no some people don't and I respect that) however even if you do or do not believe, I will pray for EVERY one on this forum for you all to find the strength and will to get all your lifes back on track (-:

2015 is here. I made it to New Years Eve with a slot machine fix .........BUT I was tested, I still do me Irish lotto each week, i stopped doing the UK one as i found it expensive and hardly one a sausage since 1994, I spend £8 a week on the Irish, on Saturday 27th december I won £755 on the Irish, This was the biggest test I'd had since my slot machine addiction, I picked up me winnings, turned to leave the shop and the voice came in me head, I started with I could take £155 out the £755 and stick it on me favorite slot game, I got as far as taking the £155 out the winnings then I thought about this site, peoples storys and misfortunes and Im pleased to say I walked out the shop. The old me would of blew some of so I'm so pleased that I managed. Im very hungover today and had a walk and looked threw the bookies window and saw blokes on the slots looking miserable. i just hope that maybe them people I see can stop to. Happy New Year fellow fighters!! May anyone reading this get there lifes on track and beat this addiction.

Well done panda on staying clean and walking out of the bookies when you did. Shows you ve got will power, don't think I could do that.

Thanks Markb117 for your comment

What a rollercoaster of a christmas holidays, today has been a tough day after i found I had time on my hands, i was meant to be out most of the day with my girlfriend but she had to dash off home early, STRAIGHT AWAY I thought i could have a harmless spin on the slots (montys millons is my main game, sometimes rainbow riches) I was in the betting shop at 4pm and asked for a coffee, I sat for 25mins, had a coffee and after a battle with my mind I drank up the coffee, pretended my phone and rang and got out the shop, I still feel amazed by how I didn't end up like a zombie going over to put money in the evil stupid slot machine, I was shaking and clammy! WHY on earth can a machine have such power?? The outcome was I parted with no money and since 14th December 2014, i've put nothing in these stupid machines, I actually cheered and shouted with relief in my car!! I've been off 2 weeks so going back to work in the morning (as much as work is a pain in the a**e, and I can't stand some people i work with) Its best I get back and keep occupied. I hope I can keep this will power up, I'm more determent than ever not to myself down, my late Dad down and people reading these posts down.

Fight the urge people, If I can YOU can.

You have fought the urge not to go on the slots so far when in the bookies. What happens the day your willpower fails you as it so often in the past has. There is a saying in GA. If you spend your time hanging about in the barbers your eventually going to get a haircut!

So true!! I will keep that saying in my mind, thanks day@atime.

sad panda, I echo the above...Don't put temptation in your way like this! The only reason a compulsive gambler should be walking into the Bookies is to self exclude! I understand that you & your Mum play the lotto but is there any way else you can put this on for her?

My Mum is a CG who goes if for 'free' coffee...I assumed when she 1st started doing it it was @ least a fancy latte machine! No, it's a jar & a teaspoon the same as pretty much every household in the land.

I get the shouting with relief, I really do but I do it when the urges come & celebrate not giving into them. I don't test myself, there's no point!

To win is to stop - ODAAT

Thankyou ODAAT op1

I've thought about the problem with going into the bookies to put the irish lotto on, so far so good, the only way i could put it on for her is doing it online, thankfully the recent few times i've put it on, my Mams been with me so no slots! I feel this forum is a way to give me a goal to not let people down or myself down, i no people have recomended Gammbling anon etc but I'm thinking if theres away of making me stop or think twice, its other peoples storys on this site that puts me off. 30 days tomorrow i'm slot free, this year is flying already. Please i hope that i can turn 30 days into 60.

Right, I've decided, that's a month...Great work 🙂

Recovety is bespoke...You just need to do what's right for you! I have done it without professional help but I had to hand my finances over to OH who has been very supportive in his own way! As long as you only have the money for the Lotto when you go, there will be no chance to gamble so make sure you leave everything else @ home if your Mum isn't with you!

Keep up the hard work, it will get easier & easier - ODAAT

aww sounds all too filimer sad panda! everytime i win something i put it all back again!, but i need help as im 19 years old. i dunno where too start but i need advice too over come this gambling addiction. i think my 2 main problems are

1) gread... sometimes winning a bit is not enough and before i know it is all back in the bandit!

2) chasing.. say i put £20 in the bandit, i would chase that £20 until i got back too square 1 well thats never the case because it gets the the bit i put hundreds of pounds everyweek in gaming bandits and onling games. (w**********l - battleships ) i have put close too £7500 on the game alone in 6 months!! i cannot cope with this addiction.

please guys any advise on how too turn off and just for get about gambling

50 days clean of them stupid soul sucking slot machines tommorow, its been a struggle, weekends are the worst - not sure if everyone else finds weekends worse? i've managed to resist the temptation. I have been very close to having a spin but I have this forum in my mind that makes me think twice, 100 days will be fantastic if I can manage it. Good luck everyone and a message to new members reading my post, fight it and bankrupt the bookies!!

2 days of being 100 days free of slot machines, my will power caved in. Ive had a bad few weeks at work, car problems and medical problems. My bank balance was getting lower (and is worse now) I gave into Montys Millons (i hate that game so much) on the slot machine today and £300 went in a hour and a half of playing. I did the stupid walk of shame out the shop, whistling, walked back to the car locked the doors are screamed in anger from the pit of my stomach. I can blame all kinds but its me at fault, its my stupid fault sticking £20 notes in the stupid slot and its my fault for having no will power. PLEASE ANYONE who has recently started playing these soul sucking machines - STOP, don't end up like me. I've booked a holiday and thankfully its paid for, going on 15-8-15, if I can make it to this date without going near a slot machine I'll be suprised. Going to sleep now as the sooner I sleep, the sooner this day will be over and tommorow i can start again from scratch.

Thanks in advance to anyone who replys/comments to this post, logining off now for a while why i get my head together.