how did I end up like this?

It is a sad fact of addiction my friend that willpower alone is not going to cut it for any of us longterm. Sure we can go periods of time sometimes weeks months even years on willpower but if we do not change the factors that originally took us to gambling then it is inevitable it will catch up with us again one day. Recovery is not gained by stopping using it is found by creating a life where we no longer need addiction to soothe us

a**e!!!! Thats the final straw today, no ifs, buts, cants, try or hopefully and maybes, this stops TODAY

The lies the wasted money and the smell and faces of despair in the bookies for me are over. Im a grown man and a machine is not gonna ruin my life. I'm stopping today. No more slot machines.

a**e!!!! Thats the final straw today, no ifs, buts, cants, try or hopefully and maybes, this stops TODAY

The lies the wasted money and the smell and faces of despair in the bookies for me are over. Im a grown man and a machine is not gonna ruin my life. I'm stopping today. No more slot machines.

Hi sad panda

The main thing to remember is that you came back here. Why? Because you still want to give upgambling and hold on to that thought. There are many cgs who will have slips during the journey, if they/we didn't we wouldn't be cgs in the frist place right! If it was just a case of stopping once we'd decided none of us would be on here. We have to learn to acknowledge the positives and i know its the worst feeling ever after having a binge and losing but you havet given up. Look at what allowed youto have the slip, what factors contributed to it and use this to put some measures for future as self control for most of us just isn't eniugh. I know you don't want to tell your loved ones but have you thought about speaking to your bank to reduce the limit you can withdraw? This doesn't stop it altogether but does limit the damage if it happens. What about getting your mum to buy the lotto tickrts so you don't have to go in the bookies?

I have handed over all my finances and told my family which has helped alot to limit how i could get acess to money and that theycheck up on you. This may be something worth considering as it is easier with support then going it alone.

Hope you are ok.

Bex x

What is it about March with me? 3 years running March has been the time I've lost my self control and relapsed on the stupid slots?

Anyway, 5 days into April and I'm trying again, Off to York tommorow to get my head together again. Here's to another go of been slot free, hoping one day I'll get past 6 months, longest i've gone is 5 months. Good luck everyone.

Here I go again, I think the best way to help me is to read other peoples experiences to remind myself what a soul sucking and horrible disease gambling is. Next month is 6 months into the year and yet again i've failed on stopping all my demons. I lost nothing today, infact did well on the slots (montys millons is my main game) BUT its the fact i caved in for a spin. PLEASE i hope that one day a tablet will be found to cure gambling addiction. For now its will power against me and a stupid machine.

Sad panda.

We all live by the same mantra

I cannot win because I cannot stop.

Whilst active any win will never satisfy addictions greed,it will leave you with an incredible desire to continue gambling because I believe it is true that compulsive gambler's are not driven by winning it is Ironically the nearly wins that compel us to relentlessly gamble, the old 'what it could have been'

There is no cure, medicine for us and I understand the desire to find a quick fix, compulsive gambling breeds us to look for the quickest way to get from A to B.

The truth is recovery is a life choice, something that requires the same amount of dedication if not more to see results.

AArresting the next punt doesn't fix anything except it prevents further losses, not just money but the emotional ruin and the vast amount of time to boot.

Arresting your gambling will gift your brain the opportunity to make change, to better your outlook on life and offer the opportunity for success.

Most compulsive gambler's may start gambling for enjoyment and the potential to make financial gain but that is progressively overshadowed by the person gambling leads you to become.

In the ga room it is said that you should give recovery 90 days and if you don't see the benefits of abstinence, by all means go back at it.

Give recovery the effort it deserves, it will come with no financial costs, in fact some state through abstinence you actually win

Gifting yourself a 100 % pay rise.

Take all the help out there, get some blocks in place to enable you to see the benefits of making a commitment to recovery.

Life can be changed, you have to want to make it.

Lastly as for will power, addiction chewed that up long ago.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Got my fingers burnt again today, back to the "0 amount of days since i gambled" fed up of been like this, only plus side of the last 6 weeks is i've cut my drinking down.

Hi Sad Panda. sounds like exclusion from the bookies or arcades is the only solution left. Take away the temptation and that is half the battle. Sounds like you think you can beat this Montys Millions but its Monty and the owners who are making the millions! the cost of a passport photo and a little humble pie going in is better than not being able to enjoy your holiday in August and also the future you talked about in your earlier posts. It took me a few weeks to press those exclude buttons online and also exclude myself from the High Street Arcade but so glad I did. It isnt easy but its a good feeling knowing we have protection in place for our weak moments as we all have them so you are not alone. take care Mary

Thank you Mary for your advice. Its been another day down the pan for me, sitting amongst zombies pumping 10s and 20 pound notes in machines. Ive had a very erratic 24 hours and i'm mentaliy tired. The feeling of loosing almost all my pay today (which i only got yesterday) is the feeling that i must remember when been tempted to put money in a machine, its becoming like the film Terminator for me - the rise of the machines and trying to fight them. I have some fight left, otherwise i'd not be hear with other tormented lost souls , spilling our hearts out and looking for help. I did that stupid walk of shame today, walked past the 2 ladys who had offered me a drink or a sandwich (I was just waiting for the offer of a nappy so i'd loose no more time putting money in the machine whilst popping to the loo) As i walked out I whistled as if i hadnt a care in the world, as if loosing £500 was no big deal, when you and i no that the lump in your throat just about chokes you to tears and the feeling of stupidy and the thoughts of topping up your bank loan go threw your mind. I headed back home on my mountain bike in the sun, shaking my head and just wondering if this illness will ever be cracked or if i'll ever stop it.

On my way home ive decided that i do NOT want to let anyone down reading this post, The next time i'm here I want people here to read that I've stayed clean - along with my other addiction. SO here is goes, 31-5-15 is just about mid way threw the year so foor the sake of my mind, bank balance and dignity , FELLOW GAMECARE visitors , today this stops..................... watch this space and thankyou in advance for any messeages left for me x

13 days and counting, still finding it hard to resist temptation, drunk again tonight but still managed to cut that down to, let's hope the will power remains.

13th September, 13th! says it all, unlucky for some or very unlucky for me. After avoiding stupid slot machines for 105 days I caved in today and lost 180 pounds and now I have taken £200 out on my credit card as my bank balance is £3 and its not pay day until 30th September. I feel like i work for nothing and my future is bleak. Im not far off 39, still at home, have no savings and no pension. I want to marry my girlfriend and get our own pad. Today i see no light at the end of the tunnel, me and my family have had constant bad luck for over 20 years. I dont want to be rich, i dont want millons, All i want is to be able to get the likes of the brakes done on my car without it finacially wiping me out, last month i was overdrawn because i needed to replace my glasses. Im so miserable and feel like hibernating!! It angers me that i cant control my addictions. Today I have no reason why i ended up infront of a slot machine, i thought if i won a extra £50 or sumit id just scrape by this month and not be overdrawn this but it didnt happen, so now I owe £1550 on a credit card and still have a loan of nearly £9000 that needs paying . Im angry with myself, tired, depressed and sick of slot machines. Another year of failing and another year of been skint. No doubt 2016 will be the same old s**t.

Added another £350 to my debts after thinking I could replace Sundays lost money. Sick of the slots, that's it with them now. I'm in the biggest hole I've ever been in. Tomorrow is time to start again to get my life back. I'll post here maybe new years eve hopefully to tell my fellow gambling addict fighters that I've stayed clean from todays date (18.9.15)

Here we are again, being quick as im at work typing this out.

Saturday (10-10-15) was a all round fail day, I ended up in 3/4 slot machine places wasting money, I'm now facing almost ruin in my money matters, various banks now can't lend me money and i've resorted now to not spending money on anything until payday in a fortnights time, ive got christmas coming (i dred christmas, ive never had a good christmas for many years due to family disasters and been permanently skint) need new glasses, car insurance, owe Mam money, and my girlfriend has £150 each month to save for holiday/mortgage kitty.(my girlfriend knows nothing about my gambling) other than a miricle or devine intervention.....I'm dredding the next few weeks. Will power is not a try for me, will power is now a compusary MUST have.

Hi Positive Panda,

I was in the position you are in now 2 years ago and it was horrible so I know how you are feeling. I am by no means cured myself, but the last 2 years have been much better and I once again focused on total abstinence.

I think from my experience, that things are so desperate for you know and that there feels like no way out, that you will just keep gambling anything you can get your hands on to try and get out of this. Of course that will never work, because even if you do win, you will need to gamble so much to 'put this right' that you will just lose anything you win almost straight away.

I think you need to get some help from someone immediately and make sure that it is rock bottom you are at now, and wont sink any deeper. (I went so far beyond that which I thought was my rock bottom).

If you take some drastic positive action, you can make this the day things slowly get better. This is perhaps hippocritical advice from me, because my wife doesnt know about this, but I think you need to tell at least 1 person very close to you. You need to surrender financial control to them so that someone can help you get out of this money crisis. As long as you have this money crisis eating at you, you will not be able to resist the urge to gamble.

I wish I could have surrendered my finances to someone, but I made the decision that I would hurt my wife too much if she found out because she has/had her own issues. If there is someone strong enough to help you, use them please.

Dont sink any further mate. Get some help now, you can help yourself later when things are improving, but right now I dont think you can do it alone.

Please let me know if there is anything I can help with in terms of talking things through

James