how did I end up like this?

Marypoppins wrote:

Good luck, I’m in the same boat

Thanks Marypoppins, 5 years I've been on this site on and off, longest I've managed to stay off the slots was 8 months, I've done it again today and got even more deeper in a hole, I'm so depressed with myself, which I hide as my family, long term girlfriend knows nothing about my gambling.
I'm back to work tomorrow so I'll be happy to be occupied working my a*s off for rubbish money away from slot machines. My life has been a disastrous rollercoaster for 20 years, I'm sick of it, I just muddle on from one crisis to the next, telling lies to loved ones, because i don't want them to know what a f##k up I am.
I often wonder what happiness is like, I don't think I've ever had any, me and my girlfriend have been together 8 years, we are both in our 40s, still live with parents and I would love to get a house, pay off depts and get married but I can't see it ever happening. Friends our age are all doing well, have houses and kids, but our friends seem to of had rich parents and been in the right place at the right and have lots of luck, I can't talk to anyone, I have no time, even free time is spent with my girlfriend. Think all I can do is hope that I've finally learned my lesson today, and FOBTS will not make me rich. I'll bow out for now, lick my wounds and hopefully when I next pop on this site my live will be better??

Like you, I am in my 40s and getting the dream house remains to be a dream.

Dreams are there for us to reach, it's all about what we need to do now to make sure that they happen. You have a girlfriend, I don't. Make the most of this! Support each other during these tough times, make some decisions to stop you from making the wrong choices again and those dreams will eventually become a reality.

Have a look at my latest post in my thread. Perhaps a different bank card will help? It certainly is helping me.

All the best.

NT

All of the tools to stop are free.

Gamblers Anonymous

Self exclusion (on & offline)

Admitting your problem to family.

Counselling

Handing you finances over to a loved one.

Maybe not everyone has to do all of the above, but you sure as hell won’t stop by ignoring all of those tools.

Count up how much you spend per week on gambling multiply by 52 and see how much you can save in a year

Hello panda,

It sounds like its time to try something different. You need help and its out there you are just embarressed to ask for it, i've been there. Im not talking about money here, we need emotional support to deal with this addiction. Keeping it secret didn't work for me and for a long time it hasn't worked for you either. If you are at rock bottom what have you got to lose? Its not weak to say to someone you are struggling. Family sticks together, you need to get the weight of the world off your shoulders, you can't carry this around healthily. You need to get serious if you want to beat this, you can if you want.

You know the blocks you can place (and there are extra ones open to you once you let this secret out). Start by closing them doors you are leaving open, you know what would stop you gambling if you put X, Y and/or Z in place. Then its recovery. Its more than going cold turkey and not gambling. You've gotta work out why you are and what you need to do to fill that personal hole that draws you back to it.

You can do this but you have to choose for yourself what you REALLY want to do.

All the best.