I am CJ. This is my story

Welcome CJ, I say that with mixed emotion as clearly would be preferable if you didnt feel the need to start a diary but equally well done for taking a small step.

I'm on and of the forums randomly and still in the fairly early stages of my own recovery, from a 20+ year addiction but I know all to well how hard the early days are. Hope you post more and feel free to tell us more or ask for any specific questions, there are some great people around only too willing to try and help - don't forget the professionals as well and if you can put in a call to Gamcare

once again best wishes

I was introduced to fruit machines to gamble on whilst I worked in the world of Banking (yes I said banking). I must have been around 26 or 27 when I started.

Since then I have won and lost, over the years. Like most I have lost more than I have won and I dread to think what I could have done with the money I have wasted.

I have gambled mainly in betting shops and more recently online as it easy with PayPal being the form of payment. I would make a payment via PayPal, lose and then add some more.

Whether it is real or just my mind playing tricks I’d then feel lucky (my right hand would itch heavily) and I’d scratch it. Stupid as it sounds I’d then win a feature that would then payout in the game I was playing. I’d carry on and up the stake eventually losing it all.

During the last 11 or so years I have managed to conquer the demons of gambling once, however this lasted around a year were I lost the urges to gamble.

Recently they came back when the lads at work decided to do a football bet each week and it was my turn to put them on. I signed up to an online betting site and it went downhill from there.

The more annoyed or frustrated with life I became I gambled. If work annoyed me I’d use it as my escapism and wait for those special 5 chimes for the feature.

A chase that rarely came in.

i have decided this evening that I am going to give up on gambling as I’ve lost more than my fair share of funds and I don’t want to lose the people in my life which it could end up doing if I carry on down this slope.

I spoke to someone on the live chat who offered me some guidance which I will begins tomorrow and see whether I can conquer this once and for all.

Compulsive Gambler wrote:

Welcome CJ, I say that with mixed emotion as clearly would be preferable if you didnt feel the need to start a diary but equally well done for taking a small step.

I'm on and of the forums randomly and still in the fairly early stages of my own recovery, from a 20+ year addiction but I know all to well how hard the early days are. Hope you post more and feel free to tell us more or ask for any specific questions, there are some great people around only too willing to try and help - don't forget the professionals as well and if you can put in a call to Gamcare

once again best wishes

Oh sorry.

I thought that’s would be a way to help me overcome my problem and maybe help others along the way with my journey. Whether i succeed is another question however I am going to try.

Thanks for your comments in relation what support can be given and I hope your recovery is going well.

I think you misunderstood the comment above- I believe it was meant to express that it is a shame you are in the situation you’re in causing you to write a diary and not that you shouldn’t write one at all.

Welcome to the forum and definitely write a diary- it keeps you focused each day. Take one day at a time and get all the support you can.

thanks down and out - CJ - that's exactly as I meant it - sorry for the confusion, please do keep posting....

best wishes

Thanks both. I guess this is the problem with text and how one reads it. Having re-read it this evening in a different mindset it read differently.

——-

Day 1

Having reflected on yesterday’s decision to give up gambling i did some more investigation on how to block myself from the urges of gambling.

Step 1 - I checked my bank account. Not to healthy however I could manage to last the month if I didn’t gamble. All bills this month are paid.

Step 2 - Remove cards from my wallet putting them in a safe place

Step 3 - Move all money out of my NatWest account. The reason for this is they have an emergency cash option that lets you withdraw cash out of the account even though you have no card

Step 4 - Enjoy the weekend with my family and little boy.

Having sat and pondered after reading most of the stories on here for most of last night and today, gambling has been at the front of my thoughts all day. It is nice to feel like I am not the only person who has been drawn into this crazy world of chasing rainbows. The main thought pattern today weirdly was not that I have wanted to gamble but more that I don’t want to gamble.

CJ.

Hello CJ.
Brilliant you set up a diary, keep adding to it daily as it will really help. Your on Day 2.. By day 28 the thought of gambling will be changed to feeling angry possibly as I did. I'm in day 112. It gets easier. Just keep checking in and ask questions and get the support you need.

There is a book that has helped me and many more that are in the 100th is a book by a author called Allen Carr (not the presenter with the squeaky voice) it's a book that's turned into my Bible called "The Easy way to stop gambling". Google it. There is a site called books2door its works out at £2.99 for the book then postage. Best advice Sean1 ever given was to read this book.

Keep up with this diary.
Chat tomorrow.
Good luck.
Bella xx

Hi CJ

Well done for admitting youre a CG and seeking help. I gambled for over 40 years, its now 183 days since my last bet. The most difficult thing for me was finally giving up the chase and accepting that i aint never ever gonna get back what ive lost, its gone and thats that.

There isnt a GA meeting near me but if theres one you can get to then do it. Self exclusion is a must and through Gamcare i had counselling which i feel i benefited from. I also visit the chatroom for support. In short my advice theres help & support available accept everything offered,refuse nothing.

Good Luck

AL

Thanks very much both. I will get there it will just be a process I need to concentrate hard on and focus.

——-

Day 2

I kept myself pretty active today with my little boy. I didn’t pick my phone very much which helped a lot. Usually I’d find if I had my phone in my hand of late then I’d have a quick spin.

Next came the challenge the drive to drop him off without anyone else with me on the way back. This meant navigating past the services would be tricky mentally. I had decided earlier in the day to only take £10 with me. This meant if I had a blip I wouldn’t be out of pocket by the usual large amounts. I opted to make a call at the time I would be nearing the services which meant my mind was preoccupied. I drove past and felt good that I had driven past.

Day 3

Today was a quite a positive day. I told my girlfriend about the gambling which was a little difficult, told the boys at work I could no longer do the weekly football bet and concentrated on work.

This evening when I came home I decided to go for a walk for a few hours so I put my head phones on and went into town, did a loop and back.

Normally I would carry my wallet with cards and money however this evening I decided to take just the phone.

I know I’m only on day 3 but I feel like this time I have much more to lose if I get it wrong so I’m determined to progress and push through it this time.

I’ve also started two things this evening.

1. Countdown to 30 days

This I thought was a reasonable time frame to set as a first goal. The app counts down from 30 days and gives me an indication of how I am getting on. It also is allowing me to set little goals so I can have something to look forward to like a trip in August.

2. Saving

After reading @ChasingRainbows process of saving money a day I decided to do something very similar. Each day I will move a small amount of money into a pocket in my account. Day 1 was 10p, day 2 was 20p and so on. By the time I’m at day 30, I should have £46.50. Then start again the following month and so on. The pocket has a photo of my little boy to remind me of the important things and why I’m fighting this addiction.

Well done on driving past the services - that small step can be a big, massive step and its great you recognise the potential dangers

congrats as well on reaching day 3 GF, without which you can't reach day 4 - keep it going

best wishes

Thank you @Compulsive Gambler. Driving past was exceedingly challenging as I’d lost money on Friday going the other way, not including valuable time with my son.

you 'won' this time though!

Very true. I feel I did ok.

CJ.