I am stronger than I thought!

charl glad your well you done well today thanks for the tips and help in chat again i dont know where i would be without people like you .

You are very helpful and supportive , you will never know how much it means. I will do this charl. Take good care.

Hey Char,

Sorry not been on for a while.

Glad you have managed to keep on top of those urges, one day at a time mate.

Thanks for taking the time to write on my wall I do appreciate it.

Still gamble free gone past 5 months now which is good but still got a long way to go..reason I have not posted (dont laugh)..took little one swimming and had my phone in my pocket only noticed after 10 mins grrr, needles to say it doesn't work lol

Hope your all good mate.

Shaun x

Morning Lotte, hope today is a good one for you, in fact I'm sure it will be. Urges come, they go, feelings pass, thoughts are replaced. As long as the barriers are in place and you have the strength to ignore them then you'll be fine. You are strong, you did well the other day. Reflect upon that, be happy with yourself. The weaker Charlotte would have given in but not this one. All good, take care, enjoy the miserable weather, Steve.

Thanks all 4 ur support 🙂

Not much 2 say 2day. I'm feeling a little strange i'm not really feeling nething , i'm feeling quite numb tbh. Maybe this is all part of this journey. I have quite a few things going on atm and lots of thoughts going round and round in my mind about whether I am making the rite choices!

But I have 2 stay strong!

I'm off 2 meet a friend in a bit looking 4ward 2 that.

One day at a time!

Hope everyone else is ok x

Hi Charlotte,

Have read through a lot of your diary today, seems as though you have had some tough times but have stayed strong! Very very well done on your gamble free 50 days plus!

If you ever get the urge try to think back to how bad you felt after the last time you gambled and lost!

Keep battling through, you are doing great!

Hi Charlotte...I haven't had the chance to read through your whole diary but just wanted to say thanks for dropping in on mine 🙂

You are doing amazingly well and I hope that I can get back up to the 50+ day mark!

This illness is awful and I didn't realise how much it is an emotional disorder as much as anything until this past week. We need to keep strong and regardless of the money that we would no doubt lose, we need to keep our sanity and not let this get the better of us! I have learnt over the past week or so that the money side of this problem is the least of our worries. The health issues, both physically and mentally are much much worse and do we really want our families to see us suffer in this way!?

Keep strong.

Lots of Love

Shorty

charlotte. I will say this. Of all those decisions you question whether you are right, there is one for sure you get right and have been for more than 50days now and that is just for today no bet. Charlotte keep making that choice and through your recovery and the emmense effort you have put toward it and in turn the help you give many others i do hope in all other aspects of your life you are rewarded because with total honesty you deserve it. Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks 4 all ur kind words.

Ok...... so I said that I was going 2 travel this journey with honesty so here it goes!!

I've messed up again at almost 12 wks gamble free.... wot is wrong with me, I left Maddison (which normally I don't do) with my mum and spent all afternoon in the pub with my friend and I played the fruit machines and I lost obviously .....and now I wanna chase my money and atm I just wanna go back 2 that stupid Machine... I have picked Maddison up now so I will have 2 wait til my bf gets home from work b4 I do nething... so that gives me some thinking time. I can't believe how stupid I have been again after sooooo much hard work and determination. I wanted a better life 4 my daughter and I am a total failure. I can't keep it up. I put everything in2 it 2, I fought sooo hard 2 stay strong. Ah well maybe that's telling me something hey. I almost deleted this post b4 I pressed send but I have 2 be honest. Thanks 2 all of u that have supported me on this journey and 4 all ur kind words.

Hey Char,

Firstly was great to chat last night,I kinda of ended up on by mistake...felt a bit freeked lol

But will def try again!

You are an inspiration on here hun and you have done so well...You support so many.

Dust yourself off...Dont beat yourself up hun!

How many kick it first time around?

You havn't failed...It's just a wee blip!

Sue xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

charl its ok that you gambled today so did i reading through your diary you were born to fight you need to just keep fighting what do you think you have helped me loads.

hey Charlotte...

chin up love..don't beat yourself up...

So you had a flutter....put it behind you and get back the road..post like mad and remember that you did the right thing getting it out.

You have a place now where you don't have to hide those negative feelings you have about yourself ..just get them out on here and dont let them fester.

You did'nt have to tell us but you did and you were honest and you will provide that great life for you and Maddison I know you will.

Use the chat service ...post here..post your poems and things that make you feel good and don't forget that you have helped so many on here and got through some really testing times.

big hugs to you...don't give it another thought..can't afford to let any more of those betting thoughts or what ifs to rent any space in your head love...kick em out!

night night ..Rach and Doo xxx

AAAh Lotte, you slipped up but you didn't totally self destruct and run away from here and your future. Any of us can slip it's how you respond to it what counts. Pick yourself up, DON'T BE HARD ON YOURSELF, and carry on again. If someone had offered (say, 12 months ago) you the proposition that you'd only have one bet in 12 weeks, you'd have taken that. It's just a slip, don't dream of chasing that money, it's gone. forget about the money concentrate on your future. Only a fool or a weak person allows themselves to become demotivated, be neither. Tomorrow, you start again, don't be angry with yourself, be determined. We're all human. Take care, Steven

Hi Charlotte,

When i read about people slipping it sends shivers down my spine not because its bad but because it could happen to any of us if we dont remember what we have learnt in our gamble free time.

If your felling frustrated its natural, if your beating yourself up then dont.!!!!

Unfortunatly you are not the first person who has slipped and you wont be the last, use all them negative feelings and turn them around and try and take some positives out of it....

Your wiser now, what would you do different next time ? Not questions for now but when things settle down then maybe ?? I used to have some distraction tactics in place for when the urges came.

Pick yourself up, be kind to yourself, the journey has just been delayed slightly it doesnt mean its over.

Be strong.

Blondie xx

Thought i'd post again b4 I try and get some sleep!

I'd be lying if I said I was not really angry at myself and gutted. Almost 11 wks and I slipped again, in a way I wish I would slip at the start. Not after all the hard work I put in arhhhhhh.

But neway 2nite instead of chasing my loses I read back thru my whole diary. And this is what I got from reading it back, the first attempt at stopping gambling I went 16 wks and 4 days no gambling b4 I slipped and this time almost 11 wks. So if I look at it overall. I use 2 gamble nearly every nite and in almost 7 months I have only gambled twice. So in a way all my hard work as been worth it!

4 both attempts at stopping gambling, I have just used my determination and strength and sometimes stubborness. I gamble at the pub so I have no blocks in place. I wish there were blocks for the pub! So that is another thing that I am proud about. I have tried my best and thats all that matters.

Reading back thru my diary, made me realise wot a journey I have been on and how far I have come.

I started this journey 4 the most important thing in my life Maddison. At the start of this journey, I never even imagined the emotional rollercoaster I would be on. But I have hung on thru the ups and the downs and sometimes clung on.

Again I always said I would take this journey with honesty and being honest atm I really don't know wot I am going 2 do next.

I am trying 2 think positive, but at the moment I feel really down and gutted.

I just needed to write this down.

Nite all x

charl it doesnt matter that you had a blip. Look at what you have achieved wow. I wish I could say the same. Like you said we can only do our best sometimes it just aint good enuf. You can fight back you have done it before you can do it again. I hope youre well charl.