I am stronger than I thought!

Morning Charlotte,

I just want to echo what everybody else has been saying. Be kind to yourself. Okay you had a blip but ask yourself this: before you started your recovery would you have stopped after a loss or continued chasing those loses? You have been honest enough to come on here and front up to what you have done and so you have my complete respect.

Take time to reflect upon how far you have come over the past few months and how you have changed as a person.

Take care and keep posting.

Dave X

Thanks everyone, I have no energy 2 post back 2 all of u, i'm sorry!

I'm really, really struggling atm!

So this wk's been tough, during the nite we all got the news we were dreading, but expected.(if that makes ne sense).My cousin passed away he was 24.. life is soooo cruel sometimes, at least he's free from pain now that's one blessing x

We r in the middle of moving house this wk that is stressful boxes everywhere!

When we were visiting my cousin in hospital the other day, I noticed how many elderly patients had no visitors and I saw a scheme where u can sign up and volunteer 2 visit these patients. I am gonna go 2 the hospital and sign up 4 that..... I would h8 2 be alone in that situation and I will be proud 2 help with this.

Tbh I am in self destruct mode and I feel like I will gamble 2day. I feel like I just need 2 get it all out of my system.

I wish I knew what 2 do next, that would give me some hope. I'm tired of fighting to stay strong it's hard work. It really, really is.

Neway sorry 4 the depressing post.

Hope everyone as a gr8 day x

Morning Charl,

I have not read all of your replies so I will prob end up saying the same as someone else but I think it takes just as much courage and determination to come back here after a slip and be honest as it does to admit you have a problem in the first place!

What you have to remember this is a slip, it's not the Charl from 11 weeks ago who would have played the machine today, lost money, and then gone back day after day steadily declining! This is the new Charlotte and she recognized very quickly that she didn't want to be gambling, she stopped, she didn't chase, she posted on her diary and got back on track!

If I get to the age of 40 and can say I have been gamble free for 12 years I would be over the moon but if I get there and say in the last 12 years I've slipped twice and both times I have come back to my diary and admitted it I would think I'd done pretty well too!

Well done for coming back Charl, mayb take a look at a couple of things you could try to help whilst in the pub!

Flagg

Hi Charlotte,

I just wanted to say that I am really sorry to hear about your cousin.

I hope that you have a good day and that you find the strength to fight any temptations that might come your way today.

Take care and stay strong.

Dave X

Hope is an image of goals

planted firmly in your mind.

When looking at life before you,

hope lines the paths you find.

Hope is a well of courage

nestled deep within your heart.

When faltering in fear and doubt,

hope pushes you to start.

Hope is an urge to keep going,

for limbs too tired and weak.

When apathy stills all desire,

hope sparks the fuel you seek.

Hope is a promise of patience,

as you wait for distress to wane.

When all you can do is nothing,

hope pulls you through the pain.

Hope is a spirit that lifts you.

should heaviness pull at your soul.

When torn apart by losses,

hope mends you to keep you whole.

The road may be long

In myself I must believe

Because my heart is strong

The mountain may be steep

In myself I must believe

Therefore I will not weep

In the face of adversity

In myself I must believe

I’m the master of my destiny

When facing an angry wave

In myself I must believe

Because I’ll always be brave

In spite of life’s complexity

In myself I must believe

Because I will trust serenity

I’ll always do my best to strive

For in myself I’ll always believe

Firstly Lmm, if u ever read this it was nice 2 c u post 2day. Made me smile that u r still doing brilliant 🙂 stay strong xx

Ok I can wallow in my own self pity all day and gamble again and lose and feel like cr**. But there is no point. So I am bouncing back, I started this journey 4 Maddison and she deserves more than me giving up now. Being a mum is hard work but it is sooooo rewarding, the amount of times she makes me smile during the day is unbelievable ,she is soooo oblivious 2 how much strength she gives me 2 carry on.

I remember speaking to an advisor in chat one nite and she gave some really good advice so I'm taking it.

I am going 2 do this differently, I always like 2 be different lol....

This is not my day 1 and I am not starting all over again, the 10 wks and 4 days that I was gamble free still count. I did not take part in ne form of gambling during that time so this just means that my 11 wks gamble free will be on fri instead of thurs. All those gamble free days still count and took soooo much hard work 2 achieve so i'm not going to just disregard them. I gambled 4 one day no reason 2 4get the gamble free days.

So I'm gonna stay positive and keep in mind the reason I have stayed on this emotional rollercoaster. I will not let u down this time Maddie xxxxxx

Hi charlotte

Hope ur ok , so sorry bout ur cousin , can see u av a lot on and that in itself can take its toll in life and then add fighting a gambling addiction on top of that so ur so right not to be hard on urself

The hard work and effort u av put into ur recovery and also on here and not just diaries , ur on chat and intro forum , ur work rate is second to none , so yes it is so hard as u know I just lost the plot for bout 3 weeks and didn't av much enthusiasm for the 3 b4 that I honestly didn't expect to find that time and energy but it just came back I just knew

U know urself better than anyone so all I will say is look after no 1

Take care

Castle2

Hi Char,

Must say for your age....you are so mature.

What a VERY lucky girl you have to have a mum like you!

You brought a few little tears from me reading about your week...and that lovely poem.

You are fighting the fight...and may I add doing brilliantly.

So so proud of ya.

Thank you for always being there!

Sue xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yo,

Go girl, 11 weeks Friday .

Good for you , I agree with the one day out adds one day on. Cause you have worked tirelessly on this site , home , he who should not be named ( the ex ), your family and of course Maddison.

So lovely put it to the back of your mind .

How is it going with finding out bout the Pharmedic training , any news on that front ?

Take care , and be kind to yourself

Shiny xxxxxxxxxx

Right young lady, lol, just want to say a couple of things. Firstly I am sorry to hear of your loss with your cousin. Dealing with some one dying is a very difficult thing. Remember they will live on in your heart.

As if you don`t make me proud enough? I think it is wonderful that you are going to apply to become a patient visitor. I know that you will be rewarded in abundant ways for doing some kindness for others. I think, that in a way, it will become a very real and good step on your journey.

You are doing really well. A slip is a slip, it never detracts from where you have already got.

Try to learn from it.

Maybe think about this. A guy has a head ache every day for years. Suddenly they go. After a while hit returns. Just lasts for the day. Another number of weeks go past. It returns, just for the day. Now does that guy say I am back to square one. Of course not.

Pain free for months yet just has to put up with it for 2 days in that period.

Hope you can see what I mean.

Uncle Grizzly Graham x

Not many words needed....But thank you Char from the bottom of my heart!

Sue xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

charl thanks for all the tips and giving me faith i did it day 1. Your daughter is very lucky to have an amazing mother like you. You are a little fighter Charl.Never ever change who you are.

hiya hun

Thinking of you and sorry to hear your sad news...xx

Am so glad you are still posting and still wanting to keep on the path of recovery...keep posting anything you like that gets you through just for today...

You have a lot of friends on here all looking out for you and willing you on...thanks for posting to me and as I always say....its unconditional xxx

Rach and Doo xx

Hi Charl

Sorry to read about your brief period of madness, but respect the way you have recovered, I expected nothing else from someone as mature and sensible as you.

I know you can and will come out on top in the end, just keep the journey going for yourself most importantly and your family,

Regards and best wishes

John

Morning Charlotte,

I'm really pleased to see that you seem to be in a much better place now. I hope that you have a good day.

Keep smiling and stay strong.

Dave X