I can feel the earth begin to move I hear my needle hit the groove

Morning,

Sorry to hear of the gambling but a couple of probably unwelcome thoughts: If your pattern is to binge gamble, then counting days between binges won't help much. The danger time is when you've accrued a bit of gf time, the memories have faded and you want to binge again, to the extent that you change poisons from sport to cards. You could tighten the money side of the triangle and install blockers for the on line sites, on the basis that every measure helps. Does your OH and family know, that can be an inhibiting factor.

Ultimately, it's not about what form the betting takes, it's about you feeling the need to bet, what the act of betting does for you, why you have that need. Your son may add to the guilt but neither he nor your guilt will stop you once you're determined. Until or unless you dig at what betting gives you, why you need it and what's missing from your real relationships with real people, nothing will change. Hence the standard advice for counselling and GA.

Wish you well,

CW

Right I've had enough of being stuck in this funk! I'm back in the game and I'm coming back to life. I'm making something of this life and making a difference. Got my mojo back. Day 3 coming to a close...

Thanks for the post on my diary change. It's been a huge help for me to read your opening post on this thread. I have just been through a very similar experience and I was feeling so alone. I hope I can remain 3 days behind you and we can both embrace recovery and stick with it. Life really is so much better when we don't gamble. Keep the days adding up pal!

If this is your new diary bud get moved over to the diary section where it belongs.

KTF

Hi Change

So i havnt been about as much recently on this site you know how to get hold of me my friend.

I just read your first post. Ir really moved me got to me as i know that pain that empty feeling the dispair. Only a gambler will every understand that pain and lowness a wife of a gambler a friend family. no one can Ever undstand and really trully comment on the feeling and truly understand what you are expressing. You know the standard advice. Barrriers exclustions the triangle etc etc. I just want to give you my advice...... Keep Talking and writing. if you feel an urge talk on facebook give me a message im an IT geek im always around!! I found the biggest thing for me was telling my family and friends and concentrating on being open an honest. Another thing i would say to do take a look at your routes i work in the centre of cardiff...... There are bookies EVERYWHERE...... you said about the habbit on the train. i had exactly that and its about breaking these small habbits and thought processes the little steps leads us to the big one.... you thought about seeing a counciller? I love mine. Also GA is a good fit for a lot of people!

Hello old mate , Glad to see the mojo's flowing again ( thought you were going to nick my Austin Powers picture for a mo ) ,

Seriously Buddy you know you can nail this , all these long periods of abstinance and then a hiccup , just lose the hiccup and you'd have a serious amount of time under your belt , you know your danger signs and your danger areas and just need to keep it all watertight , come on here or facebook , haver a rant or a chat but please me old mate , no more going " Walkabout" eh? ,

Kudos to yer for getting back here and for getting your shi'te together .

Proud of you buddy x

I did 5 hours of gardening today to take my mind away... feel like Moses Kiptanui after a run. Absolutely knackered.

Onwards to Day 5. No urges yet for today. I just woke up in a bit of a slump. I keep flicking between being positive and being depressed and that's the aspect I'm really finding difficult. It's tricky to be happy and enjoy the day when I'm like this. I get to Day 10 on Friday and then I build from there. So I might reward myself then and that might cheer me up a bit.

You're doing great change, just take it a day at a time and make sure you're a couple of days ahead of me. As for that treat, well I think by going the day gamble free we give ourselves the best treat we can and loads more positive things are there for us in the future as long as we stay gamble free. Keep up the good work!

Hi change, I resonate so much with your first post as it mirrors what I have been doing. I ordered a new card which my friend scratched the holy grail of 3 numbers off the back.

I would like to join you for the end of year gamble free project if you feel strong enough to continue with ?

Pick yourself up as you are, dust your self down.. You can do this, learn from it and grow

Thanks for your posts. I appreciate it. A few people have said they can relate to my first post. It wasn't meant that way. I just wrote what I felt but I'm happy if it helps you to see the negatives. I'd love to continue the end of year challenge but I messed up so I failed it. If you start a new one id follow... I just feel a hypocrite leading it. I'm battling this addiction so hard. It's draining everything out of me. I need to do better. I apologies in advance for my brevity and my tone. I'm just exhausted by being a compulsive gambler. I've reached Step 1 and my life is unmanageable.

I totally understand where you are at. Would it make sense to you that I would be proud to see you re start it ?

I too feel exhausted. Here on my own I can barely muster strength to see a future as so much like you self has taken from my inner peace.

We fall, we lay ditrty, we reach out.

You had a fall, you are learning from that fall and in time you will be much wiser for that life experience

Keep your chin up

Ok I will save myse... you've talked me into it. I'll continue the current thread from tomorrow and I'll countdown to the end of the year but if you don't make it to the end of year I'll be well P***ed off haha! I'll need to work out the title of the thread with some maths... I'm quite good at maths as I'm forever calculating how much money I am down and what I need to place to get back even. I can do the Countdown numbers section quicker than Vorderman in her prime.

I'm laying very dirty right now.

I like the Lightning Seeds though so I'm going to listen to them then go to bed and then think about what I can write about tomorrow...

Stay classy and stay safe.

PS you're helping me so I like you

Music to my ears change !

I have the ability to seal a deal still haha. Okay I will be on your charter and looking for your carol vorderman countdown special !

You can do this. I know you can !

Sleep well and I will look in hope for the new start tomorrow. Perhaps we could name it why have a sparrow for christmas when you can have a handsome countdown

Stay safe.

This is a two-person journey so I want to see you posting as much as me. Get your bags packed because you're coming out of the dark... I can't do it alone.