I can't change my past - only my future.

22 days and no gambling.

Yesterday I had thoughts about it, new football season and all that, but soon these thoughts changed. I've been down that road too many times, caused me and my family so much hurt... there is only one cure, and that is total abstinence.

I am in control.

Ste ven.

I have read through your diary fella and may I congratulate you on the huge effort you give to not only your recovery but that of many others in arresting the destructive addiction that is compulsive gambling. I can feel the strength you have inside and hope your willpower continues to enable you to just for today make a choice which will ultimately make tomorrow start brighter.

I look forward to reading your progress in your ongoing quest .well done again fella, be proud.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Nice meeting you in chat earlier Steven. Keep up the great work mate.

Hi Steven,

Thank u 4 ur post on my diary. It means alot 🙂

I hope u r ok and staying strong 🙂

Have a gr8 nite 🙂

Negotiated with 7 of 9 short term lenders to freeze (or drastically reduce) interest on payments due this month, means the next 4-6 months will be extremely tight, but i'll be doing what I can to save where I can. Payday approaches, traditionally the trouble time - not this time around though, too focussed, planning out the budget too well...

25 days - I am in control.

HI Steven,

You gave out some gems of advice tonight ste, hold on to them little pearls of wisdom and use them.

Your right you are in control and how good does that feel eh ?

You have took the debts by the short and curlies and faced them head on.. Pat yourself on the back mate that takes courage. No more ostrich syndrome..

Well done on what you have and are achieving.

Blondie

Hi Steven,

Just popping in 2 say I hope u r ok and staying strong 🙂

Have a gr8 wknd 🙂

28 days - I lost control...

...and so it starts again. Day 3 done.

Do I know why I lost control? Yes.

Could I have prevented it? Yes.

Did I feel terrible for 3 days after it? Yes.

Is there anything I can physically do about the last week? No. I can only look forwards and start again.

Once again I will have to pull a few rabbits out of hats to survive the month, but it feels slightly better knowing that i've paid £470 back this month of debts.

So I spoke again to a Netline person tonight, and i've decided to go along to a local GA meeting tomorrow evening. I've no shame in talking about it with like minded individuals, as I said, what's done is done.

Going to try and get myself back to the gym, next month, and get back out walking in the evening. I know I am on the right track, I just require some fine tuning.

Stay strong and free of gambling folks.

well sorry to hear about the slip. guess i had one too saturday and all we can do is give it another go. guess we do make progress despite falling down and just takes a few more bumps and bruise sometimes.

ste ven

I am sad to read you have been back at the punting fella and my hope for you is that GA can bring you as much support as it did me to help in the battle to live gamble free.

Can't think of a place better to "fine tune"

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Steven

All is not lost...dust yourself off and re focus on fighting this battle. I admire you for being so honest and coming back on here and also seeking support from GA, Netline etc.

You can do this Steven...you really can.

Keep strong

Forwards not back

Jewels

So it's been a while then, but I need the support of others. I've tried the solo approach, not working, tonight I reset the counter to 0 of days without a bet.

Since my last post i've moved job, get paid a bit better, but still have nothing to show come the end of the week after i'm paid. As I stated in the title, I can't change my past, only my future.

A friend recently suggested I draw up a plan for the next couple of years - financial, job, goals etc... I think i'm going to spend some time on that. Of course the plan can and probably will change, but it can be a good starting point for me in my struggle against gambling.

Ste ven

Fella the doors to recovery revolve,it does not matter how many times you walk through them it is what lesson's you learn when you do.

planning helped me a great deal to find a focus,set some fella,one's that are reachable,ones that will gift your resolve.

Well done for finding the courage to walk back in

You have come a distance since the first visit,use the knowledge you have.

Look forward to reading your ongoing progress.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Duncs you are correct, the lesson has to be learned. Too often have I put myself under pressure and almost forced myself into gambling to try and dig myself out of a hole. Occasionally I was lucky, and this helped fuel the myth. Eventually however the money I won was lost, along with my own...

It's where I am today that's important, not where I was a few years ago, and not where other people are. I'm setting myself up for a life of regret and at 31 i'm young enough and smart enough to really do something about that. I've grown accustomed to psychologically beating myself up, convincing myself that I am a bad person, that everyone has a negative view of me - there again I care more about people's impression of me than I do of myself!!

Ultimately it's about choice. I can choose to continue on the path I was yesterday afternoon, or I can choose to continue on the new path that I started last night by logging back onto here. It will not be easy, there will be pain along the way, but I am ready for that challenge. I have plenty to smile about, my health, the health of my parents, my friends, the fact that I work full time... things that are too often taken for granted. I have survived life to date with almost nothing to show for it, now I am determined to enjoy life when I do.

Had a chat with Robert on the Netline - a great help to have someone to listen and to be able to pick up on some things.

Didn't realise the gamcare number is free from mobiles... need to shout this one from the rooftops folks!

Day 1 done and dusted. I don't plan on counting them all, just to get myself started on the correct road again.