I can't change my past - only my future.

Thanks for the post on my diary Steven, I have had a read of your diary and I hope this time around things are better for us both. We are both lucky to have found our way back here following a slip up. I was very close to causing myself and the people that care about me a whole load of problems had I not found a way back. For years I have worked for nothing, payday gave gambling tokens and then after a few hours they were gone. There's more to life, we need to ***** it.

Just touching base before I catch up with a friend later on, I will not be drinking and I will not gamble.

So I slipped up. Why? Through drink, I let my guard down. I didn't respect what I am up against, trying to reverse years of behaviour wasn't going to happen overnight.

More respect required in what I am battling against.

Hello Steven!! Yup....the evil drink coupled with the devil on your shoulder eh? Those two just love each other don't they? You know what you have to do. - don't beat yourself up over it - each fall back willake you stronger ..... keep going and NEVER GIVE UP GIVING UP!! Stay strong. Helen. X

Helen, thanks for your kind words. I'm at the point where I realise that beating myself up for stumbling is not only pointless but wastes valuable time. We aren't here for long - the sooner I can get myself into a good routine the sooner I can start to live my life to the full.

Kept myself busy today, achieved a couple of things I wanted to get done and have plans for tomorrow as well.

Steven

fella it takes great courage to admit our shortcomings,it takes a great deal more to learn from them

Fella I repeated the same thing over and over for twenty plus years expecting the outcome to change.

With honesty the last time I gambled I knew it was a futile waste of time,it was almost like a goodbye,the end of an affair that had beaten me for all those years,a way to say you can have my cash but you won't take my soul again.

I hope you find that place fella,it is there,only you can find it,never lose sight looking for it.

Yes don't be too hard upon yourself,addiction loves that,it uses it to goad you back in,to use that old kidology that things will be different next time.

Truth is there will be a long time coming until the fella comes here because he cannot stop winning!!!!

Keep filling your time with living

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Welcome back Steven

Its not easy yes more respect is something i try and work at daily

keep going tri

I am going to self exclude myself from all local bookmakers for 1 year. In the past I have put up resistance to this - I have thought that I am strong enough to do it myself without this, I am concerned about how confidential the staff will keep the information (regardless of any assurances given, it's human nature that these things sort of slip out of folks mouths). Events of the past week have shown me that I am not strong enough to do it, so this must be done if I am to be serious in stopping.

Thanks for the post on my diary Steven. I think you should self exclude for as long as possible, which I think is 5 years in most bookies. I have found the staff to be understanding when I did it myself and I doubt they will go telling anyone your personal information. And besides whats the harm in anyone knowing you have self excluded, I have told people and nobody has thought bad of me, its a positive step towards recovery. Get some photos done and go visit all the local bookies, make sure you cover all the main ones and you will feel so much better afterwards. Good luck

Hi Bornagain - the harm is personal harm, the shame of it really bothers me. Almost no-one that I socialise with knows my issue and I intend to keep it that way. I can appreciate however that it's different for different people.

2 chains down, 2 to go - I don't want to set foot in them again so i've got forms on the way out to the house.

2 years ago in times of desperation I foolishly signed with a company called Loans Direct who I didn't realise at the time were just a broker. They took 49.99 from my account. Recently I discovered that they had a facility on their website to cancel membership and your money back less a 5 admin fee. I tried to login but couldn't, so eventually sent them a copy of my bank statement via email. This morning I have 44.99 in my account - result! That's 40 heading to a mate this afternoon then who helped me earlier in the week.

Thanks ste-ven for taking the time to comment on my diary, appreciate it.

I kind of guessing your fairly young still, so you have a fantastic opportunity to turn your life around ! I hope you find the strength from within helped by this site too. I am doing my best to kick it, not easy but getting there.

Dark Place /

Got the forms through for the other 2 high street bookmakers today, they will be in the post tomorrow and then that will be that.

Need to stay focussed but most importantly not rush things. I will get there slowly but surely.

Back again, back gambling again. I'm absolutely sick of this empty feeling having once again ended up with pockets empty.

I have self-excluded from the bookmakers in my town but last night it was a local arcade, today bookmakers in a different town. I simply cannot move on with my life until I address this problem I have, a problem that has plagued me for over 12 years.

The only gambling I do online is the lottery, that account will be closed after this message. This time I want it to stop, I want to get back in control of my life. I want to remember what it's like not to be counting down the days to payday so I can pay back on payday loans. I want to be able to enjoy myself again. I want to live again.

I've had a bit of a rough time recently with immediate family falling ill and also a family member passing away. It's reminded me about the mortality of life. We are not here for long on the grand scale of things - and I want to enjoy the rest of my life from this day forth. To do that I have several issues I need to address and i'm starting with gambling.

I've started going to the gym, something I used to do years ago. Every time I leave I feel great, knowing that i've put a lot of effort in and that over time I will become fitter and healthier, both in body and in mind.

I still have the strength to make a choice, to choose not to gamble. Today is day zero. Tomorrow will be Day 1.

Thanks for dropping by 🙂

Good to see another soldier joining the ranks, there's safety in numbers!

You've been here before, you know how it works so I'm not going to give you any advice!

Great work starting training again, you should be proud! You're working on fixing your body, now to focus on fixing your mind too!

You can do this - ODAAT

Cheers One Day 🙂

Got through today well, busy with work and the garden. The weekend is a different kettle of fish, let's see how it goes.