I need help desperately

Byron.

Welcome to the forum. You are in the right place to get help. It is not fun being where you are now. But you are here so you know that already. When you are used to living your life like you are you don't know anything else right? And you think next win is going to make it fine and rent will be paid etc well it's not the rent you are waiting to win it is your next fix.  That 28k will grow till there is nothing left to borrow. Then it is going to hang around your shoulders like a big weight. The only option here is to stop and that needs to come from will power. Now many men and especially in your age have the win or die attitude to life and us gamblers have it a lot it defines us and it plagues us and whips us forward because we think we will do great things if we just hang on at it a bit longer. Or we think b****r life and we don't.  Inevitably it will be decision time for you on how you want to move ahead with your life and you will need to take responsibility for your actions and own them. That ladder back up is ABSOLUTELY doable and much easier than P*****g your money away on bookies fobdies or roulette. But the whole of that change starts with your decision to go down that road of recovery.  A word on HARM. If you feel so low that you can not handle it you need to contact people who can help you and I have enclosed a link to the NHS. Remember there are good counsellors here. Talk to them. All of this can be done by you if you want to. 

NHS Link

Best of luck in your recovery!

Hello Byron1993,

Well done on starting a recovery diary.

You mentioned you have 28K debt. 

Some free debt advice services:

National Debtline 0808 808 4000 https://www.nationaldebtline.org/

StepChange 0800 138 1111 https://www.stepchange.org/

PayPlan 0800 280 2816 https://www.payplan.com/

Please consider calling us on our freephone 0808 8020 133 so that we can give you more support.  GamCare offers free treatment appointments that could help you with your morale, motivation and focus. https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/our-treatment-offer/

Take care,

Forum admin.

Crikey that is a lot , but you are at the right place here , and you are not a home owner , so you could get the slate wiped clean , I'm absolutely no expert , but call those numbers . you have time on your side , but you must quit now , put it down to [ bad ]  experience . and rebuild 

Hi Byon, I relapsed earlier this year after more than 7 and a half years without gambling and regularly attending Gamblers Anonymous. Here I am, back on GamCare today drowning my sorrows, looking for 'something' and to try once again. What a mental rollercoaster.

I empathise with your situation and can relate. I have had large gambling debts over the years to contend with and once again I have caused financial problems to myself. I am clearly drawn to self-destructive behaviour and want to sabotage every good thing in my life. As yet, and at aged 50, I still don't know why although there are many reasons that are ultimately all part of that package.

At this very precise moment as I write my reply I am fighting so hard. My body could give up so easily both physically and mentally as my life to date has just followed the same pattern of jumping on and off the hamster wheel. Someone can only take that for so long, surely?

Its difficult to know what to offer to others when I can't seem to offer myself anything - at least at this moment. However, for what its worth, please know that you are not alone. They may be some comfort in that. Further, we know that any more gambling only makes a bad situation worse, financially and more importantly emotionally. All I am in touch with at this moment is to do whatever it takes to get through this day without a bet, so that I can go at least 1 day without gambling and build from there. We need a starting point and our trip to this website and desperate cry for help is it.

Keep posting is what I am going to do. Thinking of you (truly) and so many others as together, we try to live through this day without further ruin to ourselves and to others.