i want to do this

Thanks Claire, yes you are so right, it makes such a difference when people get it; they understand the sheer madness that this addiction is. I looked long and hard at myself today and asked myself what is it that I want. It's gone long past a desire for financial gain. Most would say happiness but what makes me happy? The funny thing is I don't even enjoy gambling. Yes for the first half an hour I get a buzz but then it becomes almost robotic and I see it like a chore I'm obliged to fulfil. Like what even? Anyway another day over gamble free. I wish everyone strength xx

I can completely see where you are coming from, at times I gambled for money, other times it had nothing to do with it. I just could not function until I had been and had my fix. Of course a win would have been a bonus, but I still could not walk away with any gain and would carry on until it had all gone. For the past five years I have been stuck in limbo not knowing what I wanted out of life and stuck in a cycle of plodding along, telling myself I was stuck where I was and that was just my life now. But this year I have started my driving lessons, nearly finished at night classes at college and have a place at Uni in Sept. None of this would have been possible if it wasn’t for my partner and I think now the thought of messing it all up and hitting rock bottom has made me wake up and realise I can’t do this anymore. I finally have a chance to make something of my life and I will not let gambling ruin that for me. I am starting to enjoy the simple things in life now, and coming to terms with the fact that every penny lost has now gone. Things will be a struggle financially but it can only improve if I am not handing my money over to the slots. Well done on another day gamble free, here is to another for both of us xx

Morning diary and everyone. No thoughts of gambling, sometimes it hits me like a bolt from blue about what I spent over last weekend on those slots and I feel physically sick. I have to let it go. Been here before and I hate hate hate this feeling. Going to get another GA meeting. I went to same one all the time and I’ve been back and forward, stopping and starting and I feel so foolish going back there all the time. It doesn’t make sense as those people were the most welcoming, understanding people I have ever met. had to go yesterday and look for part time work for summer as student finance is shot and I’ve no income otherwise. I’m not sure how I got on. Phone call there now, was successful. At least that’s something. Anyway another day I’m going to spend in the garden tidying up. Keep it simple. Life goes on.

Haven’t posted here in almost 5 years and I’m ashamed to say things have not got any better. Completed CBT via gamcare which was very useful at the time. My issue seems to be committing to anything. Been gambling most of last 5 years which takes the total up to almost 15. I have had breaks maybe of 3 months but recently I’m lucky to stop for 2 weeks. I absolutely hate it with a passion. It makes my already difficult life ten fold more difficult. Insanity… do same thing over and expect different results. Is there anyone else out there who actually despises gambling, the act of gambling but feels compelled to do it? It makes no sense.