Not posted for a few days but today I'm on day 15.
My girlfriend still hasn't forgiven me and she has found out I tried to gamble on Friday, I don't know how and I don't know why I tried, maybe just testes myself but the fact of the matter is that I didn't and I was kind kf proud of myself for it. She doesn't see it that way but hey ho, I don't blame her.
She knew about a loan I had taken out but I'd said I'd paid it off just to ease the pressure and try to deal with it myself, I'm paying a small amount weekly which is manageable, I thought "right, time to get back on track" but somehow she know it isn't paid so I've had to come clean...
I should have done this 2 weeks ago! Why am I such an idiot?! She doesn't believe a word that comes out of my mouth now and I'm in bits like that day 2 weeks ago when I decided enough was enough.
We have 3 children so we want to make Xmas great this year but I know once it's all done and dusted that it could possibly be the end of us. I've ruined everything.
Still not gambling or going too but if I could, I would. Urges are strong, want to go back to that world where nothing else matters and I'm getting a cheap little buzz off a win.
Paul, keep strong; you have been teetering on the cliff edge for too long now. Do you want to choose life or fall off and dance with the devil? Come on man, give yourself a reality check - and fast! Man to Man: time to get serious - Right Now.
You have been brutally honest about your situation and that is commended.
You are welcome to join our group on here, We Can And We Will.
We don't do tea, sympathy or self pity - but we do give each other 100% unconditional support.
You should consider counselling and promise the counsellor that you will not gamble during the program (13 weeks). You can do it free from this excellent site, look around the forums for info or phone Gamcare up.
Do not gamble today, or tomorrow. At moments of weakness, visit this site and read and post. We are here.
I'm not going to cave in, just feeling sorry for myself.
How do I join the group?
I applied for counselling through this site, only to be told I am now on a waiting list which is fine because I understand that there's so many people who need help. I'm in the process of other type of counselling through my GP, they're calling me on Wednesday for a telephone assessment so the ball is rolling, just struggling a little at the moment.
Thanks for your reply anyway, it means alot honestly.
Hi Paul, don't cave. You, your kids, your partner are all more important than anything you can win, any buzz you can get from gambling. Your partner needs your honesty. If you feel tempted come on here, or talk to the helpline. .'the group' is a few people who are relatively new to this, and we are keeping track of one another on a particular thread, rather than having to read individual diaries all the time...strength in numbers they say...just about mutual support.
Hi Paul,
Following on from Rhoda's great comments, our group is found under the Diaries section of the forum. The thread is called 'We can and we will'.
Thanks Rhoda, I'll join the thread. Makes sense to have like a shared diary and it would be helpful to read other people's stories and opinions on my own.
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