Agggh was writing a massive post, battery died...all lost let's try again!!
Day 1 was actually yesterday!!
I knew I had a problem at the start of the year. Tried starting diarys but would only get to about day 3. Knew there was something I needed to do first to really fight this online slot addiction & that was to tell my partner.
I had told him earlier on in the year that I had spent all my wages one month on slots & he told me not to do it again...but I wAs doing it every month. After spending my last £30 on sat and worrying about xmas coming I wanted to stop.
He was shocked & disappointed and couldn't under how a person of my nature could get addicted to something like this. What hurt the most was that he said what else have I lied about...I expl I knew he would think that & that's why it took me long to tell him. Bless him he went and bought what I should have bought for the house to get through the week and said we need to look into him taking control of my finances..I'm fine with that.
He said things make sense now...mood swings, never having much money...he had just put it down to me working part time therefore not having much money. We ended up having a lovely family day, like it should always be. I love him so much.
Day 2 is today...not a single urge. I feel like the biggest weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I excluded for 5 years on those sites and closed the ones I couldn't do that on.
Now to sort out finances x
Day 2 continued....
£45 phone bill (provider said I can pay on payday)
£490 to my friend (she said for me to pay as and when I can)
£470 loan (paying £20 P/w)
£360 payday loan (will ring them and see if they will split payment over 3months)
£15k DMP ( £13k prior to being with my partner, £2k gambling) pay £150 a month.
Without gambling I will get the smaller amounts gone in the next 4months then plan to pay more to DMP, wish me luck. Posting on here and seeing the amounts come down will help me I think, thanks for taking time to read x
Good luck. You can definitely do this. I started much the same way as you did. Struggling to get past2 or 3 days. There will be times when you will get the urge but they get less as time goes on. I've found that if I come on here and write how I'm feeling when urges happen it helps. I'll keep an eye out for your posts.
Hi,
My husband is a CG.
If you're doing it differently this time then you should get a different result ie recovery. Knowing that you have a problem and telling your partner are the biggies, they're vital. At the same time, show him what you are doing to overcome the problem. He will be easier in his mind if he knows that you have handed over full financial control, that he's seen your credit reports, that you have no cards with which to deposit, that your devices are fully blocked, that you are getting help from GA and or counselling. It can be difficult to effectively block a smartphone but if you downgrade to a non internet mobile the temptation won't be there.
From the other side of the fence, it's what you do and keep doing that counts. Resolutions and promises don't.
Wish you well.
CW
Day 3
Thank you for your support!!
I've just got off the phone to my payday loan & they have said they will accept £5 a month for 6 months then speak to me again. I wanted to pay more really. What I've decided to do is to pay my friend and other loan off quicker in this time.
As for the urges, there is none...for now. The atmosphere in my home is so different, clearly it was my gambling and worrying about money that brought the mood down.
My friend is coming to visit shortly so have got something to distract me from any sort of gambling thoughts. I currently have £4 I'm my account so couldn't if I wanted to lol.
Payday on sat, I am excited ...goal for this/next month is to have money left by the time I next get paid.
I will check in tomorrow xx
Forgot day 4
Yesterday was a good day. Family time with my mum. Feeling much better. Can't wait to get paid so can see benefit of not gambling. Got a few bits to pay out but will still have funds left over...looking to buy 1st xmas pressie next week xx
Day 5 (yesterday)
Very good day!! No urges at all...was at work and then home to my family. Really feel this is the start of the beginning to an end. Xx
Day 6......
At work all day...busy busy busy. Then home...still no urges however do think about it but not enough to make me want to deposit xx
Day 7
It was payday yesterday!! Instead of slotting it out I went to work and got 2 xmas pressies!! I did feel the urge but fought past it. Paid that £45 phone bill that was still owing and £20 off my loan. Getting there very slowly x
You sure are getting there H, and with one week of actually winning, you are already getting the rewards that we find in recovery.
Well done, slowly but surely is a very big positive way to move OAUs
Keep strong.
Suzanne xxx
Lady h wrote:
Day 7
It was payday yesterday!! Instead of slotting it out I went to work and got 2 xmas pressies!! I did feel the urge but fought past it. Paid that £45 phone bill that was still owing and £20 off my loan. Getting there very slowly x
Well done Lady h
Day 7 is a great start. Keep it going!
Day 8
Yesterday was the first fay I realised how time consuming gambling can be. My partner was out for the day and the urge came..but I didn't gamble. I know it would have been a quick £10er doing 15p/40p until I wld have got to £20 then the bigger spins would have come in, me wishing a big win...then another 10er...going on and on. BUT instead I did all the washing ironing, housework, walked to town and did a mini food shop, made cakes with my daughter & a nice dinner for the family & stayed in a really happy mood.
I can see the benefit already money wise...not panicking working out down to the pound how to get through this month. Please let me get to my goal of having money left over by the time I next get paid...even if it's just a 5er lol. Thanx for the support x
Day 9
It was a struggle yesterday as arrangements to meet a friend was cancelled...crappy weather stopped me from going park with my daughter. So we went to the shop n bought a load of magazines and puzzle book & didn't gamble though!! My partner came home and knew straight away my reason for me buying those, he smiled I think he's recognising the effort I'm making x
Day 10
Xmas pressies I bought arrived. £80 that wld have been spun away!! That's gave me the boost not to gamble yesterday. Found out get paid early in Dec...next goal is to make sure I got funds left til jan payday....am I expecting too much of myself? X
Hi Lady H,
Well done for starting a diary and for telling your partner. Those are two huge steps along the road of recovery. Each payday you are giving yourself a 100% pay rise when you dont gamble.
Make sure all the online sites are blocked, don't allow yourself any way to gamble.
You are not asking too much of yourself, it is tough but you can do it! Keep reading and posting, there are many wise souls on here who will help.
Stay safe and strong
Paulds
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