Day 11 & 12,
Sorry 4got to post as been super busy!! Work & socialising with friends! No gambling & got another xmas pressie!! I know the wknd is going to b a challenge tho ...wish me luck!!
Thank u Paulds...I'm kind of waiting for one of those dark days to raise it head...hasn't happened yet but truly believe it's becos my partner knows x
Here I go again!!
Just read through my diary!! Failure yet again!! Got through to xmas then bam...it started again. Thought my luck was in...it was for about a week!! Now I'm 3 pay day loans heavier n pulling my hair out! As per use the feeling of guilt and 'they would be better off without me' feeling is in. How many diaries do I need to start? Has anyone else done this..start stop, start stop, then sit quietly in the background reading others stories? Do I go to the doctor? Am I'm depressed? I dunno. Please let me have the courage to stop...I know the financial strain will ease as time goes on but this habit has gotta go. My partner doesn't know about this stint...Im gonna sort it, some how some way. Wish me luck x
So it's actually day1 again.
Been looking at ways to get my debt down. What I've realised is that the next 6 months are going to be a squeeze financially but If I can get through this I will be £350 better off a month, why let me take payday loans when I'm in a DMP, but then again why did I apply? Phone contract up end of this year...time to go sim only. please give me the strength not to gamble. I keep thinking about it 2day ..not as a urge as such but more angry that I let myself get taken over by this demon.
Going to start taking £10 a week out of my account and putting away in the house..so simple but that's £520 a year...my emergency fund. I know I'm rambling but my head is working overtime on ways to try and sort this mess out. Most of all I owe to my family to sort this.
Stay strong, I've done the same as you time and time again. My last stint lasting over a year hiding it from my loved ones running up more debt. This time i've spoken to gamcare and I've been referred for coucelling (thought scares the hell out of me), but I need to change, I cant live my life feeling like this and I dont want to destroy my childrens and husbands lives. I've come to realise i cant do it on my own, even with the support of family, maybe you could try counselling too? Gamcare also offer online counselling x
Will you be doing things differently this time ie taking steps to keep the triangle broken, handing over financial control?
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
CW
Morning , you said you thought your luck was in ? Doesn't really come in to it , sometimes you win but more often than not you lose , and that's just about odds and percentages which are always on the side of the gambling companies and the more you play the less chance there is of winning and a Compulsive Gambler like you and I meet the perfect criteria as " We cannot win because we cannot stop " . Time to let go , get those blocks in place and move on to a place less damaging ! Welcome back and I wish you well !
Day 2
Had a very busy day at work n 2day, so my mind was far from gambling. It's so obvious that now I work part time, i fill the spare time spending the little funds I have so yes CW I need to find something to change the routine ive gotten myself into. I would like to hand my finances over to someone, but feel to ashamed to do that right now, but if that what it takes I will have to.
please let me know how your counselling goes Lau, how does the online form work?
yes Alan I totally agree with you.
I know the beast will raise it's head on Monday...as I have work between now and then and visiting family Sunday.
My DMP rang me earlier but thank god it was during work...think it's review time...I can't face that now...I really can't ...x
I will keep you updated lady. Thought it's got to be the next step. I'm not 100% how the online works as I opted for face-to face, thought it might be more effective for me but unfortunately I'm unable to get to them so they are doing telephone counselling with me starting Tuesday. I found out about it all via netline so if you chat with them they will give you all the info xx it's my day 1 today and I feel so weak but I'm going to bed in a minute and then at least I have one day behind me in the morning 🙂 got to start somewhere! All the best and let me know how you go on xx
Day 3
No online slots 2day!! No time...and that's the key, gotta keep busy!! However I cannot stop thinking about my debt...nothing to show for my 37 years of existence, how sad!! Vicious circle isn't it....getting into debt to try and pay off debt?? Not all my debt is from gambling but I managed to add to it in these last couple years ...angry at myself once again...can see this feeling sticking around a while
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