i have decided to start a diary on here. i started on live chat and ricky24 put me on to it so cheers for that, basically i am wanting so hard to give up this time so am doing everthing possible to assist me. so this is day 11 after relapse where before i did nearly 80 days like i say i really do want to give up this time and if im totally honest i prob wasnyt totally ready to give up before but this relapse i hit rock bottom where i even thought about ending it but that is what has made me stronger hitting rock bottom has made me so determined i will not fail this time. so today i have been gamble free and not even interested in gambling i used to buy a paper to check sports/ horse results not to read paper now i just dont buy paper and watch the news i have got back in to training for my running of half marathons and doing lots of this to fill my time at present.
Hi Cw,
It was nice 2 talk 2 u in chat 2nite 🙂
Well done on 11 days gamble free, u r doing brilliant 🙂
U will get lots of support here, stay strong and keep going 🙂
thanks charlotte it means a lot, and yeah i think i will get lots of support on here only been on here about a week properly and am quite overwhelmed by peoples kindness and support on here
well now back to work today and day 12 of gamble free and to be totally honest when i look back im not misssing it more i am pitying myself having put myself and family through the nightmare that was called betting for so long. i always think that the weekend especially saturdays is the hardest to cope with but this week the thought didnt even cross my mind. time to carry on with a LIFE and do stuff i should have been doing many years ago. today is another day in the new life of my existence
hi everyone today is day 13 and all is well today is a busy day for me which at these times i feel useful because i dont give myself time to think or act, i have now given up my bank card after reading someones diary and no longer carry cash to work with me, i know to beat this addiction for the long haul i have to make changes and sacrifices and that is what im going to do. today is another day in the new life of my existence
Hi cw,
You are oh so right....determination!
Sounds like you know what you have to do.
13 days is great...well done!
This site, along with your will power will get you through....good, bad and ugly!
Keep posting
Sue
Hi cw
Welcome to this amazing supportive site starting a diary will help u so much , relapsing is all part of the process in our recovery and there's not many who don't , learn from ur mistakes and put right what went wrong and that's where ur diary will help u
Read other diaries as u av already found out u can get valuable pieces of information that will help u in ur own recovery
Take it one day at a time and start to be proud again , 80 days was a fantastic achievement and have u a good platform to move forward , ur already on 13 days and that itself is something to be proud of
I wish u all the best in ur recovery
Castle2
Hey cw,
Glad I was able to help out and you will see people will write and support on your diary if you have a bad day like feeling urges come to your diary and write how you feeling. Sometimes it just takes your mind of gambling and push that urge away.
Well done on the 13 days though mate ye i enjoyed chatting to you on the weekend. Weird how we both did the Great North Run the same 2 years. But like you i hit rock bottom and was going to end it for me my relapse lasted 4 months of hitting the bookies hard and putting me and my wife in a lot of debt now I have to live with that guilt. But I think if I ended it when I hit rock bottom then Only my wife would have had to live with all the debt and be a widow for the rest of her life. That would have been the most selfish act i could ever have done so instead I came clean and told her and she helped me and now I am determined i think we have the same determination to stop. I am now day 85 gamble free.
I am sure you will follow suit mate and stay gamble free.
Will try and keep in touch and show support when you need it or any advice I will help going of my experience that i have learnt on this huge road to recovery.
Kind Regards
Ricky 85 days gamble free
Hi Cw, thank u 4 ur post on my diary 🙂
Well done on the 13 days gamble free, u r doing brilliant. Take it one day at a time. U can do this!
Stay strong and keep going 🙂
hi there well that was a pleasant surprise to log on today and have responses on my diary. welcome to my diary to the people i havent spoken too before, im sure as im in it for the long haul like yourselves i will come across you on chat and the forum at somepoint. well today is day 14 or two weeks whichever way you look at it!! at the moment joining this site and reading other peoples stories is enough to get me through and if i can assist even just one person along this journey then i will be happy as that is all it takes.i have to say the first two days i felt sorry for myself and as though the world was against me but after i decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and fight this i have hit a bit of honeymoon period in the fact that gambling is not bothering me and im just not interseted in it, in fact it disgusts me. that said i will be coming up to being paid soon so that is the first big hurdle which im sure i will beat.today is another day in the new chapter of my existence
Hi Cw, thank u sooo much 4 ur kind words and support on my diary. It means alot 🙂
Well done on the 14 days gamble free, ur positivity and determination shines thru. U can do this 🙂
Stay strong and keep going 🙂
Carl it was good to chat to you also keep going mate. Onwards and upwards
HI Carl,
Thanks for your post its not rambling, its good to let it out gambling locked so many things inside of me which ultimatly kept leading me back there. No more, I go with how im thinking or feeling as i know its keeping the demons away.
Keep doing what your doing, little steps forward to the bigger picture.
Blondie 🙂
Hi Cw,
It was nice 2 speak 2 u again in chat last nite, it seems like u have taken some really positive steps 🙂
Stay strong and keep going 🙂
welcome too today diary!!
well what are me feelings and whats been going on last 24 hours. well let me tell you firstly i watched the despatches programme and although i didnt have a problem with fobts funny i could see they were a con and a big money winner for the bookies yet couldnt see that online and sports gambling was. it makes me realise i was walking round with rose tinted glasses for quite some time. also whilst at work yesterday afternoon i jumped out the van and found a £1 and on way home being a wednesday i thought about stopping as it would be my lucky quid and doing the lottery getting the big jackpot out and then it came to me although it was only a quid and i never had a problem doing the lottery it is still a gamble and it could possibly send me on a new addiction if the desired effect was reached so i carried on home with my "lucky" pound which i am going to use as an incentive if i pass a bookies or shop i will then remember how i beat the urge wednesday and can carry that on with me. as far as actual gambling goes i not having any problems at the moment everythong going well i do find i dont watch so much telly now and never read the papers hardly anymore and apart from being on here i dont spend so much time on the internet. i am still working through the 12 step programme at home and weirdly noticed that im starting to have good feelings again at points which i have to say after being in a gambling stupor for so long seems surreal. well thats it for me today
day 15
today is another day in the new chapter of my existence
keep up the good work everybody
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