is there any more to lose?

28black. ..well done for coming back and admitting defeat. ..it takes courage for that. ..now then that's where the good wishes stop ...in several months since you left the diaries you say you've lost 6k. ..what happened ??? Wheres your barriers ??? Get back here POSTING regular and get barriers in place. ..the diaries have changed a lot in 6 or so months but you'll still get great support myself included 😉 come on mate use the we can't win cause we can't stop phrase ,your kidding yourself on if you think you'll ever see the 6k again but every little day bet free will make life a little more comfortable !!! You can do it mate 🙂

Like wp said, definitely look into getting your blocks back into place. Spend the next few days keeping yourself busy doing this and please don't ever, EVER think that you will win that money back.

Because you WON'T!

And you WILL beat this crazy addiction. Stay very strong and get a new plan in place.

Getting There

thanks guys. nice to see so many familiar names doing well and continuing to fight. i guess i was just slowly bleeding money rather than just shoving it all in 1 go. outcome is the same though. the other day i went and watched this guy play roulette. £120 turned into £4k in a lunch break. I drew out 300 and lost every spin in 2 minutes. So I went to work and joined a new site. i deposited 400 and built it up to 7000. i withdrew 500 and carried on playing. now i only have my 500 which is still pending. i got incredibly greedy. i would try to win 50 or 100 every hour. but i kept doubling, tripling, quadrupling my bet. i was making 400 quid spins. i lost 4 on the trot and that was it. i snapped and bet all the remaining balance. it went straight to 22. i didn't have a penny on it and all that cash was gone. numb again. and to top it off my car has been clamped. not sure how to get out of that pickle either. with my winnings i could have bought a car! a much nicer one at that. was browsing ******* for a merc. now i am struggling to get my fiat unclamped and taxed.

so i did get my money back...momentarily. but what good is it if i cannot hold onto it. initially i had only wanted to win 200 to help with this month's expenditures. i got to a grand which was great. but to get to 7k in a few days and then lose it all in 30mins...heartbreaking, soul-destroying, loathsome, disgusting...those are some of the feelings which spring to mind. i saw this girl near work. she was homeless. i said that at xmas i would give her a fiver. a fiver can mean so much. how can i devalue money like this? to throw away 7k...to gamble with my own 700? now i am 200 short for the month AND i can't get my car unclamped. i have a date tomorrow too. i will have to cancel and say that i am sick. which isn't lying really.

28,

I read your last two posts. It sounds so familiar. The self loathing, the pain, the delusion, the desparation.

I'm afraid you are going to have to accept the fact that you are a compulsive gambler and seek help to move on from that. A name change would be an idea... get all things roulette banished from your head.

you know what to do. just get your finger out of your ar se and do it today !!!

most of all welcome to the recovery diaries again.

Brian

5 years on....I cannot believe it. 5 YEARS. I am posting this so I think you can probably guess how I have progressed. Not very much at all. I have never stopped gambling in all those years but it was at least managed better....for a while at least. I am now in the same spot as I was before. All my avenues of credit have been exhausted. After paying the INTEREST on all of my loans and after paying bills and living costs, I will have £28(!) for food and anything else I may need. This is for at least 6 months. This is the first time I have stopped and really looked hard at my financial situation. Before I was simply burying my head in the sand and robbing Peter to pay Paul. Now I have seen how dire it has all become. I have no idea what to do. My sister;s birthday in a week and a half. I can only afford a card for her. shameful.

Day 1.0. It is a mix of emotions. The first thought I had when I woke up was the amount I had in my bank account. I am constantly thinking about how I am going to survive. I have ten pounds in loose change in my car, I have about twenty pounds available credit on my card before it is maxed, I have a pair of designer shoes I could sell for a few quid etc. Obviously this is all very stressful but on the other hand, it will be an upward curve I shall be on if I start and continue on my new journey. Each passing day will hopefully be a step towards making my life better. Will the first days be the easiest due to the new galvanizing effect a big change can have, or will the realisation of the task ahead prove daunting and overwhelming? I am not sure to be honest, but I will find out. Come what may, I need to do this. Failure is not an option.

You don't mention your gf what happened to her?

triangle wrote:

You don't mention your gf what happened to her?

After we split up I decided to become more focused and went back to college part-time. I was enjoying it and was pretty focused. I gambled and kept losing but I wasn't leaving myself penniless for the entire month at least. I got over the split from my gf and joined an internet dating site. I met a lot of women and it was fun. Going out, having dates and needing to travel around meant I needed to display some sort of control over my gambling so that I could afford to do these things. But the habit never left me. I then decided to leave the dating website and deleted all the numbers I had. I felt that I was ready to move on and look for a more serious committed relationship. I have been with someone for almost a year. It has been difficult and stressful at times. It is through these periods where I find my gambling is most active and intense.

Hi 28, there seems a lot of similarities between our stories. The thing I've realised is all my previous attempts have been half hearted and in secret. I'm finally doing it properly in self excluding, going to gamcare funded counselling and coming clean to my gf who is now in control of my money. I now accept you can't abstain without 100% commission

​

d**n predictive text. 100% commitment not commission!!

​

Day 2.0

Keeping busy is the only way I can keep my head above water. Am going to have to Ebay some bits and pieces to make it through to payday. No idea how I will survive next month at all. What do people do in such circumstances? How do you all afford to eat when you are penniless? I try not to think about it too much but I am aware of the problem facing me. Just don't have any solution.

Day 3.0

Habitually almost logged into my usual betting forum thread, merely for a browse. Then decided against it and logged on here instead. That seemed like a positive move. I think it helped to feel some empowerment and showed I had self-control. Also, I do not need those places anymore. I am feeling relaxed at the moment. I have discovered that this is quite normal for me to feel this way. It is normally after the big loss when there is nothing left in the pot to gamble with. Now and again I panic about day to day survival and the long stretch ahead filled with a long struggle financially. But on balance, I feel quite calm and positive. Quiet before the storm perhaps?

Perhaps 28. Stopping gambling is different for everyone so finding what you need to do to avoid it can be a difficult task but not to difficult for your sake

On the food, i've survived on 7 cans on beans and a loaf of bread for a week before. Times that by more weeks than i wish to remember and you can surmise why beans are not my favourite food stuff but they do the job.

triangle wrote:

Perhaps 28. Stopping gambling is different for everyone so finding what you need to do to avoid it can be a difficult task but not to difficult for your sake

On the food, i've survived on 7 cans on beans and a loaf of bread for a week before. Times that by more weeks than i wish to remember and you can surmise why beans are not my favourite food stuff but they do the job.

Day 4.0

Thanks for reply triangle. I can't imagine living on just beans and bread. I was going to hit the gym again as I feel it will benefit me. But a good diet is important to a good gym regime. But beggars can't be choosers I guess. Will be a long hard rocky road ahead. I feel that a few much darker days are just around the corner. Keep up the recovery guys.