It all happened so quick

Congratulations Rose80.

Great achievement!

100 days - someone's going to need to get a bigger ODAAT jar.

Through the many ups and the few downs, you have always learned along the way and come out the other side dry as a bone with another defiant reason not to gamble.

A credit to yourself and GamCare. If this is the first diary anyone new to the site reads I think it will be a hugely informative, insightful and inspirational read.

Look forward to following your continued progress and success.

Have a great day.

Well done!

Massive well done on the 100 days rose. ..
Fantastic ! : ) x

Glad to hear that you're staying safe and dry and well-styled. Keep up the good work.

BW,

CW

Congratulations on 100 days of winning.

Today I will not gamble because Rose is inspiring me not to.

Day 100 - gf!

Thank you everybody for your kind words and being with me throughout these 100 days - this diary has been my lifeline along with the people on this forum.

All I can say it that I am chuffed to bits that I got here, given my best efforts before was 21 days I am giving myself a huge pat on the back. I havent gambled for 100 days, over 3 months...over quarter of a year, it sounds wonderful and feels wonderful. Life can be scary and stressful at times but I am no longer hiding away from it behind a computer screen. It can also be exciting, free and full of amazing things - something that I am starting to experience because again I am not hiding myself away watching my money and self worth tumble away.

This time last year I had hit rock bottom, I went into my therapists office not recognising the person that was crying and stuttering on the couch, unable to put together a coherent sentence - gambling had broken me completely. Today I have made changes in my life, small steps...but steps going forward. I have downs, but more often that not I have ups. I dont dread getting paid, or having spare money, or getting a bonus because im not throwing it away. I have accepted I am a gambling addict and that I wont gamble...not cant, because I can if i chose, but wont...because I choose I wont. I have gained some control of my life and the more I work at it the more I am starting to get out of it - this is going to be a long journey of hard work, self discovery and picking away at what goes on in my head but I have signed up for it.

I sign off today with one feeling and thats hope - I have hope for my future that it will be full of happiness and fun, because I wont gamble. This site and the people on it was where i first found a hint of hope, you dragged me off the rocks that I had fallen on, propped me up and started me on the right path.

Today I will not gamble because I have hope!

A wonderfully inspiring post. I've always liked your sign offs of "today I will not gamble because....", and it's so good to see you doing so well. Congratulations on the 100 days, and keep taking those steps forward, however big or small they may be. LifeBegins x

Bit late to the party but a massive welcome to the century club Rose 🙂

Isn't it fantastic what recovery can gift us - ODAAT

Day 101 - gf!

Thanks ODAAT, its fashionable to be late these days:)

Glint - so glad to see you still around the forum, I miss your posts and hope you are keeping well and remembering to be kind to yourself!

Not much to report today, joined Change's 2016 challenge so counting up and down now - good target to see out the rest of 2016 being gamble free!

Today I will not gamble because I have signed up to a new challenge!

Day 105 gf!

Had a difficult weekend, stress and anxiety came into play but handled it well - no gambling. Stayed in the present, talked through in my mind what was going on and only held a very quick pity party, usually they last a few days! Back on track today, not getting too far ahead of myself and dealing with lfes curve balls. I dont need gambling and I wont gamble.

Short post, feeling good in myself and in my recovery.

Today I will not gamble because I am learning to dea with lifes curve balls!

Day 106 gf!

No urges at all to gamble, more just the usual thoughts that pop in now and again when something reminds me of gambling. Have opened up a lot about my gambling to those around me, feels good but has added some pressure that they are constantly worried something will knock me and push me into gambling. Would rather have all these barriers in place though than none and slip back so onwards and upwards. Have a counselling session end of this month so will be good to continue picking away at what goes on in my mind and an opportunity to say I have passed my 100 day milestone.

Today I will not gamble because the barriers are in place!

Day 107 gf!

Not much to report, feel like life is good - there have been some moments lately that in the past would knock me but have managed to keep on an even keel. I remember what my therapist said in our last session ' being anxious is looking ahead and thinking of negative scenarios' - really helps me thinking about this because this is how I work myself up. I imagine all sorts of scenarios and by the time the event plays out, none of them were a patch on how disastrous I had made them out to be. So a good thing to remember for my journey, whatever happens not to let my mind conjure up the terrible in the future as it leads to a anxious state - stay in the present and deal with things as they come, if they do at all.

Today I will not gamble because I am staying in the moment!

Keep dealing with those pesky curve balls in a productive manner.

Nice snippet from the therapist.

Pleased to see you reaping the rewards of all the hard work you have and continue to put in.

Wish you well with the counselling.

Day 0 - counter reset,

Thanks for the kind words Glint - unfortunately i threw my own curve ball and got hit bang in the chops!

Havent posted in a while and this is down to the fact I have been so busy living life - not thinking about gambling at all! Have been off work, sat and passed an important exam and had a lovely weekend away with friends. Tonight however I sat and made the ulitmate mistake of thinking I was strong enough to go to the bingo and just play that - and keep off the slots. Apologies to all those that warned me not to and to stay dry but having past the 100 mark my mind had worked itself to the point of I was strong enough to do this, and I wasnt! It was kind of like seeing a sign saying ' wet paint, dont touch' and dabbing my finger on it - I had to find out if I could do it. I wilted after about 10 minutes and onto the slots I went.

What do I take from this - well now I know I cant do it. Again apologies to those that have warned me on this but I had to find out for myself. It is kind of the final nail in my gambling coffin - it took me a long time to realise I was an addict and through this recovery it has taken until now to truly figure out that I will never be strong enough to resist them. Financially I did no damage, and emotionally I feel like it has only strengthened my resolve to not go back to the terrible times of constantly gambling.

Did i get any pleasure from it - no not really. I was more in a trance and the times I was in the present I knew I was doing wrong and that I had made a silly mistake. I am not going to punish myself though for one mistake, if I do that then it will detract from the fact that I have made so much good progress. I am going to learn from this, take it on the chin and accept that I cant do things like this because I cant keep off the slots - its a fact.

I have reset my counter and my only focus on the coming days is to keep the barriers as high as possible so that I cant gamble, even though I have no intention to. I have read a lot of diaries where a slip can turn into more and I am going to put everything into making sure that doesnt happen. In all honesty another reason I thought i was strong enough was because therapy was going so well and it was at a point where I was considering not going for a while - I guess I got complacent. Mr Gamble even let me win tonight as a way to try and entice me back in - well thank you mr gamble for the money but I think I will keep it on me and not go back down the road where I lose it all, and more to you.

I cant give my usual sign off given that I have gambled today so I will simpy finish with this - I will learn from this mistake!

Ouch!

I've noticed that the days after the big 100 can be particularly perilous for whatever reason.

Sad to read the counter reset bombshell, however that post became increasingly positive. I liked it.

Sad that you gambled. You did amazingly well writing about counselling, therapy, keeping busy, barriers and more. All very useful for others to read your success and how you did it. You have made an excellent and informative contribution to the forum.

Happy that you have identified what went wrong, why it went wrong, what you are going to change and what you are going to learn from this blip.

What more can you do?

Going out on a win is a problematic curve ball. That can be extremely difficult. Be careful, get back into good habits quickly.

Congratulations on passing your exam!

Keep learning.

Day 1 gf!

Thanks Glint for checking in - I think it was getting to the 100 mark and thinking I had this addiction licked that tripped me up! What I need to do differently is accept that no matter what I think or feel I have never got this beat - if I put myself in the situation where I can gamble, I will gamble. Sad times thinking that but its the truth - just like it was the truth that I am an addict and to which I battled so hard against because I didnt want to admit it!

I am very wary that stopping on a win is perilous, but i am determined to do it - I feel lucky that I didnt lose the shirt off my back more than anything! Last night was a fitful sleep and today I feel a bit cr*ppy but I also feel like I had a lucky escape - if I had gone online then this would have been a whole different post. So back to what I was doing - posting, reading, keeping the triangle in place and picking away at my real issues - I am not going to let this blip hold me back from my recovery.

Today I will not gamble because the barriers are back in place!