It all happened so quick

Day 19 - gf!

Thanks Sam for your words - you are very right...being gf does not mean we reward ourselves with some gambling!

Back home and looking forward to a relaxing weekend, and hopefully some sunshine - battling away with trying not to get anxious during a very stressful time at work but absolutely zero urges to gamble. It does pop in my head at times to go online but it is very quickly dismissed, in time im hoping it pops in there less and less. Have been sharing more of this battle with my closest friends - feels good to open up but I know they dont fully understand how powerful this additcion is. It must seem strange to people who arent CG's that you are addicted to little flashing lights and losing all your money...in a way im glad they dont understand becuase they ask more questions which in turn helps me open up more. Something I have neer been good at in the past.

Today I will not gamble because I am not interested!

Day 22 - gf!

Hanging on in there - super stressed and anxious with a lot of things going on and my outlet is usally gambling but fighting these triggers. The more I try to stop being stressed the worse it gets so I am just going to ride it out, try to keep busy and keep myself occupied. Making sure I keep the barriers up and just accept this is part of life times like these.

Today I will not gamble because I am trying to keep busy!

Day 0

Short post today but I need to go back to posting each day and get back in a good routine! Resorted to my outlet of gambling and although I escaped financially mr gamble has given my confidence and state of mind a good kicking! Actually I will correct that...I choose to gamble so I can't blame him, only I can make the choice to gamble and therefore I have to make the choice to stop! Back to what works, posting in my diary, breaking the triangle and get my £1 back in the jar each day! I let my guard down and thought I had this beaten when I got to day 100, very wrong!

Today I have gambled but I won't tomorrow!

Sorry to read that Rose80. Often wondered how you were getting on.

Pleased to see you have returned to commence battle. Think you bring a lot to the forum. Very difficult to stay stopped, requires commitment and hard work.

You know what works well for you, I have every confidence in you that once you're back into those good habits the days will soon be racking up and that jar overflowing.

How did bootcamp go? Are you still going to therapy? Did you go to counselling?

Interrogation over.

Guard up, keep busy.

Blessings

Glint

Missed those sign offs.

Day 1

Big hello glint, I was hoping you were still around because your posts always make me feel like I can beat this! How are things your end, have you started another diary? How did the job hunt go?

I did boot camp and it was brilliant, going to sign up for another! Still having therapy, it was suggested I have long term therapy in order to really figure out who I am and what make me happy! Tbh that scared me a lot and I'm still processing that last session! I have another session next week and given what's been happening recently with the gambling there will be a lot to talk about! We also touched on the fact I seem to want to self destruct, another interesting point that needs to be explored further as it does fit with everything thy goes on in my life!

That line is very true, it takes hard work and commitment because this is a tough addiction!

For today I am off work and have lots of fun activities planned, none include gambling as that is not fun!!

Today I will not gamble because I am committed not to!

A

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Day 2

Gamble free and checking in!

Today I will not gamble because I am going I beat this!

Hello Rose80.

I'm good thank you. Don't have a diary on here, might start one someday. No news on the job front. Stopped looking and trying for now. Current job is secure and easy with no hassle, stress or decent hourly rate to ever be worrying about.

You seem to do well with the therapy, should take them up on the suggestion. Good to do things that scare you sometimes - heightens the sense of achievement afterwards I find. Sounds like another opportunity to learn about yourself and help manage this addiction.

The therapist wouldn't make the suggestion unless they felt you were ready and would benefit from it.

Be brave.

There's a Swedish proverb: "He who fears every bush, comes late to the wood".

Keep learning, exploring and trying new things (like you have been throughout, well done Rose80) and you will find the happiness you deserve.

The sooner the better.

In response to the sign off...

YES YOU ARE!!!

Day 5

I am glad you are good - I hope you are taking care of yourself and eating properly! Thank you for all your words of encouragement, I like a good proverb!

I take on board what you say about the therapist, I guess I was more put out that they thought I needed lots more, in my mind I was thinking about having less! Will talk about it more in this weeks session and see if it is something to explore.

Back at work today after a couple of days off and it has certainly been a long day, hoping to have a nice relaxing night tonight and will ensure the laptop is locked away in my drawer! Time to get back in good routines and keeping the triangle broken, been to relaxed on it and hence got bit in the backside!

Today I will not gamble because I have broken the triangle!

Great to have you back posting you do brighten my day and even better to see you're not giving up on giving up.

KTF

Well done on the five days rose. ..keep plodding on hun
Hope you enjoy your relaxing evening tonight....I'm planning a longggggg bath...roast beef diner...and early night watching the box !

Day 6,

Thanks KTF and Loxxie for your kind posts, I am very glad to be back on the site and the straight and narrow! Unfortunately my night wasnt as exotic as yours Loxxie with a nice roast beef dinner, but there was some yummy ice cream in there!

Have already made some plans for shopping and tea tonight & have ensured I am busy the rest of the week and weekend, find this the best remedy when I am a bit up in the air on things. This recent gambling episode has put me off kilt slightly, i am feeling uncomfortable in my own skin having taken such a knock (having thought I had it beaten) so making sure I am busy and surrounded by good people! Hopefully by the end of this week I will start to see more than a splattering of light at the end of the tunnel!

Today I will not gamble because Im too busy walking towards the light at the end of the tunnel!

Day 7

Checking in before therapy, one of those days where i want to make progress but the thought of talking to someone and trying to explain how i feel seems like a very difficult task. Hoping i somehow find the words or else it will be a very long (and quiet) session).

Today I will not gamble because Wednesday is therapy day!

Hey Rose, just dropping by to see how you're doing. Haven't seen you post recently, and I was wondering if you're ok?

Hi lifebegins,

Thanks for the message and concern...I'm fine and gamble free!my mantra of keeping busy has led me to completely forgetting about posting however the little demons have come out from under the rocks so I'm back to ensure no little slips!

Have been a little all over the place worrying about money as I move into my new house next month but trying to just chill out and go with the flow! The fact that I have hung onto my savings given I reserved the house 7 months ago gives me great pride, half of me thought I'd get to this point and I'd have spent it all on slots!

It's nice to have a few days gamble free back under my belt, onwards and upwards!

Today I will not gamble because boot camp has tired me out!