It all happened so quick

I post in 'New members intros'. I'm on 6 days but doing okay. When I came here I noticed that most of the support was in the 'recovery diaries'. Thought I'd be a revolutionary, try to share the support around more, bring unity across the forum and help save the ocean.

HA!

I had no idea how.

Hasn't really worked out, I haven't made any difference. But that doesn't matter - what matters is I tried something to make a positive difference. I'm not failing if I'm trying.

The amount of advertising gambling companies get away with is unbelievable.

Back when bookies were legalized, their shop windows were blacked-out because gambling was considered dangerous.

Since then alcohol advertisement has been heavily restricted, adverts for smoking have been virtually outlawed and junk food is facing a possible ban before the 9pm watershed.

Gambling has gone completely the other way. I don't get it. Crazy.

If you don't like the adverts, make sure you don't go back to funding them.

Great strength shown. I'm starting to expect nothing less from you.

You had a urge (it will happen), dealt with it, learned what might have brought it on - use it to be even better prepared for the next one.

The book of '101 Reasons Not to Gamble' will be in the shops by Christmas the way you're going.

Get well soon!

30 days - gf!

Thanks Balvaird for the kind post and sharing your experience - I think your right in that i shouldnt beat myself up for having an urge. If im honest i got such a shock that it crept up on me after not having any for a while that it sent me into a spin ....need to accept that I will have them and as long as I dont give in then I am still winning. Your little note about shopping makes me think you should apply for supermarket sweep if it ever comes back on 🙂

Thanks Glint - 6 days is a great achievement and I wish you well on this journey, if you follow the advice in your posts then you will be just fine! Personally I think you are making a massive difference to people when you post on their diaries. Your posts are thoughtful, full of advice and always encouraging and that to me is making a big difference in my journey....not sure it has saved the ocean yet but I like the way you think outside the box so im sure it will happen 🙂

I couldnt have said it better re the gambling - we dont advertise so many things now beacuase they are bad for you yet after a certain time at night nearly every other advert is gambling. I actually got into online slots because i saw one of the sites advertised with free money - Im not blaming them beacuase it was my choice to gamble but I am saying there advertising does work to lure people in. But your right, its an advert and it cant force me to deposit - and I wont! They have had so much money out of me already that it makes me sick to my stomach so I am not giviing them anymore!

Lol i do like to sign off on a positive, it makes me that little bit stronger for the rest of the day - I think by Xmas I may have ran out of reasons but I will give it a good go!

Today I will not gamble because I got some great advice from Glint & Balvaird and I am going to follow it to reach tomorrows milestone of 1....whole....month....GAMBLE FREE!

Dear diary - 31 days gf...whoop whoop!

Well i have reached my 1 month mark and I can honestly say I am loving it. Its a small milestone and a small victory in the grand scheme of things but I am going ot enjoy it and walk around today with a big grin on my face! I have been keeping the laptop locked away and have plans for the weekend so looking forward to a few more days gf!

Over this past month I have enjoyed nights out, lots of yummy food and have booked and paid for two weekends away later in the year - all of these things I would have either not done or dreaded doing because I couldnt imagine paying for them after blowing my money on gambling. Or I would have said 'Im not paying that for a weekend away' whilst shoving 10x that amount into a gambling site. Its amazing the things I can do with my money, things that make me feel happy & get me out in the world.

Next milestone is 50 days...getting there one day at a time!

Today I will not gamble because Im chuffed to bits I have hit 1 month!

I'm chuffed to bits for you!

Well done Rose80.

Hi rose well done on your month if you keep with the attitude you have now you will fly to 50 days.

Never forget how distorting it can be good luck

Tom

Day 32 - gf!

Thanks Glint & Franner, means a lot to get your support and comments.

Not much to add today really, keeping up reading peoples diaries and focusing on my triggers. I actually bought a lottery ticket for Wednesdays draw and although its not my addiction I think Ill refrain from buying anymore. It led me to thinking about big wins, making money etc which is a little trigger of mine....so until Im further down this journey no more lottery tickets. Anyway, I have more chance of being sent into space than winning that so Im not losing out on much.

Weekend planned with nights out and looking forward to catching some of the Masters golf. Life is good!

Hope everyone has a happy gf day!

Today I will not gamble because Im keeping my eye on the ball.....golf ball that is 🙂

Day 33 - gf!

Short post today as a busy bee, no gambling in sight and enjoying spending my money on fun nights out...even though my head is pounding 🙂 one day at a time I continue on my journey

Today I will not gamble...simples!

Hi Rose. I just want to let you know how inspirational your diary is to me. Although I can only do this ODAAT I am setting myself small goals - for now it is reaching Monday when I will be back at work then it will be one week. I know I can do this as there are so many others on here (like yourself) who prove that it is possible. Well done and keep going.

Making time to focus some of your day on not gambling even when you're busy.

More good work Rose80.

You will inspire a lot of people.

Always enjoy reading your spirited posts.

By the way, thank you for your kind words.

Day 34 - gf!

Hi Duckling and welcome to the site - having this diary is such a big help on my journey and if others can use it then all the better...I found strength just knowing there were others like me battling this addiction and reading peoples stories.

Thanks Glint, the one thing I have picked up from this site is that it is not just stopping gambling, it is finding out why we did it and changing things! Its exhausting at times focusing on not gambling and the reasons why but it will be worth it in the end if i crack this!

So Im in the position now where i have bought a house - totally excited at this but now comes the time to get a mortgage! I have admiited to my broker that my bank statements will show some crazy spending....this was so hard to do, admit that there were thousands going out to gambilng sites. He says I should be fine because I havent gone into my overdraft or had pay day loans, I have just spent my monthly wage unwisely shall we say. So i am hoping it doesnt cause me problems but at the end of the day I am not going to fret over it...I cant change the past, i can only be pleased that for the last 30+ days there have been no deposits to these sites. If it does mean my mortgage application is impacted then so be it, I wont let it get me down or cause me to gamble, I will just take it one day at a time to make sure that my bank statements never look like that again!

Even with the above i am riding a wave at the moment, feeling really positive and strong - had a lot of upheaval (getting the house) and a new role at work but none of it has caused me to retreat into the gambling world....its been hard at times, i have been anxious, but I havent compounded this by gambling and ulitmately feeling even worse. I know this is going to be a rollercoaster journey but whilst Im feeling this way i am going to enjoy it!

Next week I hopefully have a therapy session and am looking forward to exploring more about myself and finally telling my therapist that I have signed up to being gf, no more lip service..Im in!

Still a few days to my next milestone so my only focus is on ensuring that every day i leave work, that laptop does not accompany me. It is not my friend, it enables my addiction and for that I do not want it anywhere near me!

Today I will not gamble because the sun is shining and Rose is starting to bloom!

Sorry site - it wasnt a naughty word it was cr*ck!

The moderation of cr*ck does make me laugh.

I've been following your diary since you began and it's a great read. Lots of positives your starting to look it to the why you gamble as you did which is great. Your counselling may help delve a bit more into that. Is it with Famcare as they use counsellors who know a bit more about gambling addiction.

Keep going the way you are and things can only keep improving.

KTF

Day 35 - gf!

Hi KTF - it also made me chuckle, I couldnt quite work out what i had said to make it come up like that. And thanks for your kind words!

Interesting question you pose there about the counsellor and something I have mulled over. So my therapist is not a specialist in gambling, I found them through looking at reviews and also they were close to where I live. I did ask Gamcare for counselling and got a phone call from the people they referred me to in the local area but that was around 4 weeks ago and I have heard nothing since. So my plan is to attend my session with the therapist I go to and discuss what has been happening - quite a bit to discuss given how much has changed since i saw them last (around 6 weeks due to holidays etc). Will see what they say really, if they think i am better off with an addiction specialist then I will probably chase up the counselling through Gamcare. As it stands though I suspect I will stay with them as I feel comfortable in what I am doing as it is working - may leave a specialist in my backpocket along with GA incase I find myself struggling in the future. I leave it open though and will post after my session!

Feeling good today, focus is on losing some weight as I have been comfort eating.....it was allowed given I had made quite a life change but now is time to reign it in a bit! Looking forward to a night of reading my mindfulness book and an early night after watching the golf and staying up late. Will also leave some time for reading some diaries!

Today I will not gamble because I have already planned out my day and there is no space for it.

Hi rosie

I've been on quite a journey of self-discovery since I stopped gambling. With a focus on why the xxxx did i gamble. It's been a really rewarding and important experience.

I realised my cause as being a disconnectedness from life. Gambling provided an escape- there was a gap between what I (deep down) wanted to be, and what I was.

This was linked to a lack of social confidence. Unfortunately the more I escaped, the less confident I got.

I'm surprised mindfulness is not more widely advocated on here. It seems such an obviously well suited tool to tackling addiction.

I've been following acceptance and commitment therapy through a book. It incorporates mindfulness with a view to taking committed action to lead a more fulfilling life. I'd recommend it.

Anyway sounds like you're doimg really well.

Best

Louis

Day 36 - gf!

Thanks for your post Louis - I am also surprised that it is not more widely used. It was one of the first things my therapist recommended when I started seeing them and although it didnt fit why at the start, I am understanding a bit more as I go on. Which book have you been reading?

So yesterday as I left work I got hit with an urge to go to the bingo! I was a weekly regular until last year and since then I have only been a couple of times so it is not often i get the urge - I say bingo, what i mean is to play the slots at the bingo! Was not going to act on it at all however i did wonder why this urge suddenly popped in my head...I was driving home, no connection to gambling, bingo or slots at all. The only thing that made sense was that I was feeling good - gambling for me can be a reward. So leaving work, feeling good and my brain went to reward mode and the first thing that popped in was bingo - I had left my laptop at work so that was my only channel to gamble. Strange the way the mind works and how I have made connections to gambling ; reward = gamble, anxious = gamble, down = gamble, bored = gamble. The only way i can break these is by staying gf no matter what my mood. In a way im glad i had that little urge, the last time i freaked out but this time I kept more grounded.

Tonight im out shopping and tomorrow therapy is booked in so keeping busy which is a good thing in light of my little urge. No urge today though so thats all good - one day at a time!

Today I will not gamble because I am happy and will reward myself with a little shopping trip!