Its started again!!!

Hi 4 months is great and massively positive. However you took away your block to gambling and tried to rely on going " cold turkey " and for the vast majority of compulsive gamblers this won't work. I know it wouldn't have worked for me and to be brutally honest I still don't feel confident 665 days into recovery that I could rely on willpower alone. What I have done                        1 Blocking my access to online gambling.  2 Giving control of my finances to my husband 3 Having counselling attending GA to really look into my issues and engage support and friendship of other compulsive gamblers. I have no intention of removing my blocks why test myself that much, there's no need. It's not broken now I don't need to fix it, and I couldn't risk everything I've gained. Have a good look at how you go forward, just food for thought . Was it always your intention to try and gamble in a controlled way ? Be honest with yourself, I know it's not easy I did a lot of soul searching and it's painful to admit that you have done these things...behaved in this way. This month your back to deceit, covering up, make it the last month 

Hi

For me going " cold turkey " or white knuckling was about me just abstaining not working on myself.

For me it was essential to exchange every unhealthy habit in to healthy habit.

Walking in to recovery where do you start

For me going to having counselling was very scary.

Yet now understand that counselling would work if my fears were reduced so my trust grew.

My recovery is very much about getting my a*s in to gear.

My recovery is based on internal growth

The wording test myself only indicated I was not confident in myself.

Only when I was honest to myself could  be honest with other people.

As we get ready we are able to face and heal the painful events in my life.

We find that healing from the past is was not that painful once it becomes resolved in healthy ways.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

Posted by: @hibbylad95

Hi guys im back and struggling, 4 months of not gambling had a really bad week no excuse however went running back to my comfort blanket eg gambling. Started taking control of my own money 4 weeks ago and my wage went into my own bank yesterday and guess what I did spent it all by 2pm this afternoon. So back on loans for this month so I can hide it from my mrs. Adding to more debt and more stress. 

I just feel like im never going to get away from it. Any ideas etc will help because im totally lost now and I know this devil inside of me won't move or go away. HELP

Hi Hibbylad

I'm sorry to read that you are feeling a little lost and despondent about things. I'd like to help you reframe things a little though. The first thing I read is that you managed to stay abstinent for four months, that is a significant amount of time and I think you should look at that and feel satisfied that you did a great job in that time. You may say 'well I couldn't get at any cash'. Let's though remember that YOU had the presence of mind and the determination and commitment to agree to your money being managed for that period, therefore, you can take credit for that.

You didn't mention who it was that was safeguarding your money but I'll assume for the purposes of the conversation it was your partner. Sometimes a good idea is to 'step down' in a stage or two from having your money fully controlled. One such way to do this is to allow the trusted person access to your online account with the permission to check statements are balances at any random or arranged times. In this way, you become aware that any gambling activity will have to be accounted for and mayhelp you control that urge to gamble.

The best thing that can happen here is for you to get straight back on track and not allow this lapse or slip-up to evolve into a more damaging relapse which is out of control and problematic. Try to reframe what's happened as an opportunity to learn from it - something that can make you stronger. Ask yourself what you could have done differently and there will lie part of the answer You are certainly not a failure, it's true to state that for some people slipping up here or there is a genuine part of the recovery process so try not to be too hard on yourself, rather, just get back to what you were doing well before.

Best wishes

GGTTH

@hibbylad95 My advice would be to come clean to your wife. Give back the money and access to it. 

In it's simplest form, stopping gambling is about change. Most people don't change anything and rely on willpower, but if you follow the GA thinking that will power alone isn't enough, you are going to fail.

But it sounds like you did change something, you gave over access to your money. That seemed to work for a few months. Complacency kicks in and you get control back, get paid, boom, back at it. And another loan, and lying to stop her finding out, and carrying that secret around in your head, sleepness nights, and more. Gambling for some people, like me and you it seems, isn't just losing money, but it has so many more reprecussions. Plus what happens next payday? You'll think if you win you can get out of the situation that you are in. But we can't win, it's never enough, and so on and so on, and instead of it being a small problem, it becomes a huge problem, that if only it was sorted out at the beginning would save a lot of heartache.

It's like taking off a plaster or a waxing strip(I guess), do it quickly and get the pain out of the way is better than doing it slowly which is more painful overall. There will be a point when you have to do it so just  do it.

There's so many of these analogies but the fact is you need to come clean.

So change needs to happen again. The only way is to be honest. That means talking to your Mrs and being honest.

Can you do that?

Chris.

@charlieboy 

That's pretty much what I did yesterday. Such an awful sinking feeling of hopelessness.

I've put every block I can think of in place.  I simply do not trust myself at all at the moment. 

Now I cant gamble and my head is freer to start and get a handle on the mess I've made.

Put blocks on now Charlie. Start taking action, it helped me feel better. 

Good luck (is that just a rubbish thing to say to a gambler)

You know what I mean anyway

Constance

Hi

For me each time I broke out or escaped to gambling was a lesson if I was willing to learn from it.

To understand each of my emotional triggers.

For me my recovery has nothing to do about luck it was my dedication to wanting to heal more and for me become healthier and no longer escape in my fears.

The rate of my recovery was based up on my time my effort and my dedication in taking my recovery seriously.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

Hi

In time I would understand that my addictions or obsessions were very unhealthy for me.

That taking one day at a time was the easiest way to finding healthy living.

There were times going back to Gambling I was so angry at myself.

My being angry was the pain I was causing myself.

For me living in emotional trauma and pain was very unhealthy.

Changing my thinking that gambling was not fun and was very painful I would decide to no longer hurt myself.

That going back to gambling only made things worse.

I do hope you understand your last emotional triggers.

Also understand that if I can find a healthy life with out gambling any one can.

Please stay committed to your recovery you are worth it.

It is very nice to live my life today having healed my pains and live with out fears today.

You can do this.

Dave L