Jer's recovery diary, 2nd attempt

Hope you are both doing fine brokensoul and D123!

I'm still staying free and guess it's been about 90 days now since my last bet. Not that I'm much into counting the days nowadays but being 3 months gamble-free is kinda nice. Still afraid to feel too good about it though. I have no urges and I know I can and will fight them if get them. It's just that fear what might happen if I allow myself to feel too great about my recovery... would I gradually stop visiting here and then try some "harmless" bet? Probably not but still. One day at a time and it is what it is.

Nothing much to say about this past week. Things have not been greatest ever but not too bad either so can't complain. Motivation for studies is not very high at the moment and couple of stressful days ahead again. Just have to do my best and fortunately should have some free time from Wednesday till Sunday. Hopefully I can find something relaxing to do then!

Well congrats on the 90 days. Sure hoping I can say that one day. Cant seem to get much past 30 and I blow it. Guess getting this phone was a sure fire way to avoid that gambling bug cause it pretty much did me in till pay day. At least im up on a few bills so this check coming up wont be quite the strain it usually is. Got the gallexy note 2 phone and sweet it is. Spent most of yesterday playing on the thing and can't seem to put it down. Guess its got more thrills than I'll ever use. Lol

Glad all is good with ya and them studies will pay off soon enough. Glad your getting this gambling bug squashed before ya start raking in the big cash. Hell ya got one bright future ahead of ya and gambling will only take it from ya so good on you for staying strong.

Thanks again for posting brokensoul. Hope you still enjoying your phone! Would like to buy Samsung Galaxy xcover 2 for myself but too expensive at the moment and I still kinda like my old basic phone. And guess once you buy one smarthpone there is no turning back 🙂

Pretty crappy day today. Even had some urges to gamble but fought them off like I promised. I just hate it every time when I get them and feel guilty how I can get urges after being 3 months clean. Even when I d**n well know I don't want any part of that gambling world ever again. But this is exactly why I have to take it one day at a time.

Thought yesterday would have been bad because had long day at uni but it went much easier than I expected. And felt pretty good when I got home because now I'm free from studies for the rest of the week. But yeah...today just been so d**n boring and depressing. Most of my friends have free time from studies too this week and seems like everyone is at the pub or somewhere and I'm just sitting home alone.

At least should meet with the girl I been seeing at Friday but that's not certain yet either. Bit nervous about that too since I haven't seen her in a while and feeling like mess right now. Hopefully I'm in better shape when I meet her. And I think and at least hope I will be since I rarely have more than 1-2 of these cr** self-pity days in row. Wish I had none but guess then again I can appreciate the good days more after these.

Let's stay strong everyone!

Yeah i get a lot of them bored and depressed days myself. But seems like when I used it for a excuse to gamble ild end up depressed and mad which is far worse. Lol yeah something about being broke just makes being bored not so bad. Lol

Hope ya have a nice time friday and just put that worrying aside. Seems we can put way to much into something that should just be fun and care free. All ya can be is just you and thats good enough.

Hey jer,

Congrats on your 90 plus days gamble free, thats awesome, I'am really looking forward to that mark. Just one of my short term goals. Have a great time friday with your ladyfriend, you deserve it.

Chicagoguy

I will see the girl tomorrow instead of today so not really much going on this Friday. Been very boring day but hopefully tomorrow will be best day of my week.

I'm really nervous though since afternoon I'm going to that girl's place for the first time... And I also heard our mutual friend is probably throwing a party tomorrow night and if that's so we will both be invited. So could be one hell of a day 🙂 Not that I'm complaining but been really off my game for the last 3 days so yeah...

And like I said I haven't seen that girl in a while and if that party is going to happen I have no idea how much people there will be so feeling bit uncomfortable about all that. But I guess couple (or more than couple) beers will help lol.

But yeah, trying my best not to worry too much and not expect too much and just be myself...it goes how it goes and hopefully it goes well.

And about gambling? Couldn't be farther away from my mind at the moment! Have a nice gamble-free weekend everyone!

Well hope that night out was a good one and your happy with the way things worked out. Good beer and company sounds like a winner to me. Lol

Hey Jer,

Sounds like a good nite out. Way to keep your mind off of gambling and focus on happiness. Stay strong.

Chicagoguy

Thanks for replies! Yesterday was pretty good, could have been better but could have been worse too.

Those bad days still affected my mood a bit and I felt tired all day so still wasn't on my best shape. But yeah had fun and lot of beers so can't complain too much 🙂 Now I have to deal with this hangover today doing nothing and lot of stuff to do tomorrow. Once again very stressful week ahead but after that things should get easier again with the studies.

But yeah now it's time to watch some movie and just rest. Have a nice Sunday everyone!

Hey Jer

Sounds like you got plenty to keep your mind on over the next week so hope all goes well, stay focused. I used to hate waking up on a Sunday and feeling sick at the thought of having lost a shed full of money from gambling on a Saturday, just waking up to a hangover these days is far better!

All the best

Thanks for posting cjdan! You are so right that hangovers are nothing compared to that feeling when you wake up day after heavy gambling and losing night... I experienced that too many times in the past and just the thought of it makes me sick.

Which is good because it just makes me more determined to continue staying free!

But yeah lot of stress until Friday and really have to go to sleep now.

Yeah nothing good about them hangovers but take one any day as long as it's not that gambling hangover. Lol hell at least ya can sleep the drinking one off but not so easy with the other. Lol

Hope the week goes easier than ya think.

Hope all is well with ya and the studing a breeze.

Thanks for asking brokensoul! Was hard week like I expected but it's done now and free from studies until Tuesday.

Not feeling very well at the moment though, nothing bad but just so many things on my mind... yeah, about the girl mostly and should deal couple of things with some of my friends too. So still lot of stress and I haven't slept very well this week. Really hope I can get solid 8-10 hours of sleep tonight and hopefully can get some things settled this weekend.

But yeah, still trying my best not to be too hard on myself. At least I have been over 100 days gamble-free now and if I can do that I can deal with this other stuff too!

Have a nice gamble-free weekend everyone!

Just seen you have hit the 100 days mark. Brilliantly well done as such hard work, congratulations and many more to come.

xxx