Joanne Isla's diary!

Well done on your 60 days it feels good to get to the 50's 60's its like every 10 feels closer to 100. Keep going. Well Done.

Another week survived! 67 days gamble free.

Thanks Smashed for the encouraging words. All the very best to you on your continuing gamble-free journey.

Another 'zero' notched up........ 70 days gf Keeps getting better and better!

Always get my strongest urges to gamble on a Sunday (boredom) and Monday (banish the start of the working week blues). Just posting this to remind myself to stay strong. Got to stay strong. Can't let that 'old devil' back in, f*****g up my head and my bank balance !

Day 73 .............

Well done Joanna isla - great work!

Really struggling . That sly old son of a gun, 'gambling' has been doing his best to lure me back into his clutches, .... doing his best to convince me that I'm due some luck, reminding me of my favourite games, that feeling of anticipation when you hit a bonus etc. He's got me to the point where I've re-opened an old account, I can play again on Thursday, after a cooling-off period.

After 74 days of being gamble-free, there is no rhyme nor reason as to why my mindset has flipped . 74 days ago I stumbled across the video 'Kerching' on this forum and it convinced me that playing on-line slots was a losing game. I've eased through the last 70 days but for no apparent reason I can feel myself being tempted back.

I have to stay strong. I've been trying to free myself from this addiction for over a year, 74 days has been my best effort, there's too much at stake. After 4 years of being caught in the gambling bubble , losing all my savings and 4 years of earnings, it dawned on me around this time last year that I was a gambling addict. I was a stone's throw from getting into debt because of gambling. On my first attempt at being gamble free I managed 53 days but crumbled on Boxing day 2016. I lost £1,500 (overdraft) playing on-line slots. On the 25th January. I bought 1000 pounds worth of lotto tickets , there was only me in the syndicate! lol I won a 'free lucky dip' ticket! On the 26 th February lost another 2 grand (wages and overdraft alowance) to on-line slots. I managed to be gf through March but on the 26th April lost £3425 playing on-line slots. I started playing around 7.30 in the morning when my wages hit my bank account, checked out on a zero balance at around 10.40 in the evening. My brain felt so weird the next day that my main concern wasn't the financial loss but my health. I decided enough was enough. I managed around 50 days gf but crumbled again mid June losing around 2 grand. Gambled on and off through July/August until the 25th August when I lost 600 pounds. It was then I stumbled across the video . Since Boxing day 2016 I've lost in the region of 12,000 pounds mainly to on-line slots although I also have a problem with lotto/scratchcards. I'm trying to remind myself of this by writing it down here. If I return to gambling I know I will lose the little savings I have built up over these past 2 months. I know the score so why in the hell am I even contemplating it.

Hiya,

Fellow CG here. Thank you so much for sharing this. Some insight of the destruction we create upon ourselves.

Gambling is progressive. I didn't fully believe I am such addicted until few months ago. It has gone from tens, to hundreds and now thousands. Just like that. The more i started to lose, the more I wanted to win back..merry go round. What I have to show for my "desire of escape", "greed" now?..debt, struggling to make ends meet, anxiety, bigger depression, worthness.

Gambling brings us big fat f***l.why? Because we can't stop. No win is enough and never will be. Accepting this is most important tging.

Like great poster on Duncs said few times..(or something along the lines).."how to make a gambler a millionaire? Start him/her as billionaire". ..

We can't win...we can't stop.

Look for extra support! You're doing great and there is no reason why you can't make yourself proud ☺..give yourself that chance, be free!

S xx

I got to your nearest highest total and relapsed it's a horrible the other day I was walking along a cliff and I thought to myself jump off might be way out then I thought to myself I love my family too much keep going you

Is kerchin film

Thanks What's Wrong, S B and Christer 1 for posting on my diary. I'm new to the forum so it's great to get some feedback. Like you say S.B. those 10 pound deposits soon become hundreds, in over our heads before we know it. I thought I was having the time of my life, playing those slots into the small hours of the morning, money lost all value, I poured it down those machines like it was going out of fashion. Then the cold, hard truth, an empty savings bank account , no financial security and the realisation that I was a gambling addict. Back to reality with a bang and an on-going struggle to try and get control back of my life and my money.

Really sorry to read Christer 1, that this addiction took you to such a low point , I truly hope you are feeling a lot better within yourself. Remember to take real good care of yourself. Do't be too hard on yourself, this addiction crept up on us, we didn't ask for it, we just got caught in the trap.

The video I mentioned is 'Kerching'. I stumbled across it on this website and if you are a slot/pokie/roulette addict I would highly recommend that you watch it. You will find a link to it in the 'New members intros forum' (page 1) under the heading 'View this if you are a slot addict'. It's a bit dull to begin with but well worth persevering with. Hopefully it will help you with your recovery.

I shall look out for your posts, wishing you all, all the very best. Take care..

Reading stuff on here makes you realise your not in a minority with this addiction. Thankyou for your advise i seem to better nowadays and good luck to ur self

I've been tortured with thoughts of playing the slots this past week. I spent 3 hours (what a waste of b****y time or should I say sleep) playing pretend slots into the small hours of Tuesday morning. The reason behind this was because I knew my 6 month self-exclusion was due to be lifted on my favourite on-line casino. I knew I was weakening, isking to play my favourite games again. However fate intervened. My account re-opened , I was about to crumble yet again! I tried to deposit, but couldn't and then my account was disabled. I contacted the on-line casino through live-chat, I was annoyed that I couldn't play. However, they informed me that they had noticed that I had permanently self-excluded because of gambling issues from one of their sister sites so they (the management) decided to shut down my account. This has brought me back to my senses. thank goodness, so I have told them to never allow me to re-open my account again. I feel I have dodged a bullet. When I managed 53 days gf, I did spend endless evenings opening on-line accounts just to immediately self exclude myself from them on a lifelong basis.

I'm just writing this down to remind myself how good it feels this morning to have made the right decision to close that account down. I can't leave myself open, I need to put in place every possible barrier in my bid to free myself from this addiction.

77 days gf and feeling relieved !

All the very best to everyone ............

Just going to write down some thoughts to keep me on track. I've managed 79 days now outside the gambling bubble and feel greatly relieved . I spent the day in the city yesterday, browsing the shops looking for ideas for Christmas presents. I didn't buy a single scratch card, changed days for me. Before I discovered on-line scratchcards/slots I had a big problem with buying scratchcards. I would go into the city and spend a whole afternoon searching for outlets that sold them so I could buy hundreds of them. Instead of looking for nice clothes etc to spend my wages on I prefered to spend my money on scratchcards. It was not unusual for me on payday to buy 4-500 pounds worth of them. I'd buy them in different outlets and carry them around in a plastic carrier bag. I would be really excited at the prospect of going home and scratching them. I was hooked on that rush , that feeling of anticipation that you get when you are about to scratch one, excited , not knowing if they are going to be winners or not. I don't think I was bothered about the outcome, it was all about the 'anticipation'. How sad does that make me sound. I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the memory of it. Then I discovered on-line scratchcards which in turn led me to the slots and financial ruin. Anyway, what's done is done, all I know now is that if I don't stop gambling I will risk losing absolutely everything.

Keeping busy working today , doing some overtime to earn some extra money.

Harsh as life may seem at the moment, stay strong, don't let those gambling demons lure you back into the 'gambling bubble', things can only get better if we abstain.

Wishing everyone all the very best.

80 days gf.

I shall check in once a week on a Sunday to keep me focused.

Wishing everyone continued success on being gamble-free.