Journey to a redefined life

Since I am learning to enjoy the regular things... here are the list of things I want to accomplish for today.

1. To send a love song to a girl that I like (It's been so long being single since my last girlfriend. Time to start chasing girls again! lol And I hope it doesn't backfire.)

2. To try to enjoy at work... creating conversations with customers and coworkers.

3. At the end of the day... to hang out with a friend. (It's been very very long I haven't hanged out with friends. My friends are so worried about me as well.)

4. Come back home and enjoy some movies or tv series.

5. To train thinking the losses are for some expense for travel or something

Hope and pray my day goes well for today. I wish me luck!

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Hey GRIP, I take your points of view seriously and thank you so much. I also believe in appreciating the little things. As a recovering gambler, I think it is the most important thing as well. After days and nights of thinking and doing the gambling, our sense of appreaciation in the other parts of our life fades away. Also it is a good reminder that life is still enjoyable after our mistakes.

Day 2 of GF

I woke up and was texting to that girl. And I am starting to believe that dating again will play a role in my recovery journey. I am needing a love life again anyway. Before this, I had been depressed to date.. but now I feel like I am reborn and am more determined towards a happy life. Before.. I was just bored and lonely with all my saving and all of the sudden the urge to gamble sneaked in and wiped my saving. I was sad, depressed and in denial. However, after I changed my attitude to get better, everything seems to get better by a little bit and a little bit is good enough to move on. I can see all the good things I have now. I am still debt free. I am paying the bills regularly. I am recovering the losses in a year. I have friends to hang out with. When being strong is the option that is left, I became strong and it broke the little layer of my depression... with that is being said, it lets me see what it looks like when I am not depressed. So for today, I will be strong and will stay motivated.

Words of the day for me (that is said by me): I definely don't like the part of losing my money and being failed but I like the process of getting back up and being stronger than ever. I only live and learn in my life. I am not going to let that failure of my life to go wasted. So I learned from it and used it for bettering my life.

Day 6

I don't think I have any strong urges to gamble or to chase losses these days even though I am still stressed out about the amount of money I lost on recent two relapses. However, I have been struggling with gambling hangover and depression. I think I lost some weight due to the stress from gambling and depression. People around me noticed that as well and were asking me about weight loss. (Also needless to say I always have low energy and am weak... and I can get sick easily. BTW, I have been sick for few days.) Basically, people around me are worried about me.. becuase I isolate myself a lot lately and have been losing wieght.

Regardless of those negative things, I have been working a lot on my thinking. I am replacing all the stressful thoughts with less stressful thoughts. For example, when I started thinking I have lost a lot.. I will replace it with in one year I will have those money back if I don't gamble.

To be truthful, I am a lot stronger than I have told myself inside. Even though I lost a lot from recent relapses... I am not in debt and still manage not to gamble away some money left in the saving. And another paycheck is coming in three days. I will be okay on finance if I don't gamble.

Tonight I am hanging out with a friend. I am slowly trying to enjoy my life again while trying not to gamble when boredome and depression strike. The past is the past. The loss is the loss. And there are no reasons I can't enjoy my life again.

Merlin, You are seeing the glass as half full instead of empty, half empty. Counting blessings. Making plans for things other than the gambling. Being hopeful but not only hopeful, actually engaging in life. Good for you. Thx. for sharing. tara2

Thank you, tara, for coming up with those kind words.

Day 8

It has been easy not to place a bet. But I am still battling with the other things like depression and forgetting the losses. I actually symphathize with myself and people who have destroyed their lives by gambling. It is just hard to accept that evil thing that takes away all you have worked for your life. I am fighting my battles everyday and am practicing self-compassion.

Day 9

I remember my last relapse was after day 9 of gf. But this time is not likely to happen. I have no desire to gamble. But I am bored and I have no luck on my love life, which makes me depressed. I will meditate and will try to sleep well when I get home. May I be happy and well these few days.

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Day 9 already Merlins!

Those days are beginning to stack up and count for something.

The gambling hangover will pass soon mate, as you put more and more distance between your last bet. Each day without gambling you will feel better.

Take care, Dan

Positiveaction and Dan, Thank you so much for your support. My gambling hangover is still on going.

Day 10

It has been very easy not to gamble. But I still struggle with boredom, loneliness and gambling hangover. I need long hours of sleep and coffee to function okay. I have two broken friendships recently. I am willing to fix them if I can. But also my motto is ‘just do it, it will either work out or it won’t. Nothing to be afraid of.’

On the positive light, I am still (gambling related)debt free, I am still paying my monthly bills with no burden, I still have two weeks worth of paid vacation from work and I still have a few good friends. I think I will work on a good start from there.

Well done merlins, day by day it'll get easier I'm sure. I'm the same, I need coffee everyday to help me function correctly. I'd suggest going for a walk each day even if it's for 20 minutes as this stimulates the brain and helps relaxation.

​All the best.

Thank you, Jayden. I usually get a lot of exercise. It helps with my sleep at night.

Day 11

It is getting clear that my depression dominates my life again than gambling does. I guessed my last two relapses were hugely related to my depression and loneliness. No matter how hard I try... I always come back to depression and loneliness.

On the bright side, I am trying to take actions for bettering my life. Fix my thinking, try to hang out more and get exercise regularly. When my life has more balance, I should be better off then.

Day 12

I am happy that I decided to call my friend to hang out and to exercise. A couple of other friends showed up too. I loved it. I loved hanging out with friends and exercising as well. One moment at a time. I love my friends. I hate gambling. And I hate depression. I hate loneliness.

PS:

I still think about the money I lost sometimes but most of the time I can think of it as a past expense.