last day gambling 3rd july 2015

Hi star..i like playing everybodys jackpot on w**********l and wild west slot on jackpot joy..i had put a block on my computer but my brother had a computer he didnt want and he gave it to me it didnt even enter my head to gamble until i was stressed one night and i saw it sitting there in a box and thought hey the blocks not on that one. I am like you i go into a trance until every penny of my money is gone.i keep telling myself over and over that maybe this time ill be lucky.i get happy with little wins and cant wait for a bigger one..its tuesday today and last night i blew all my money and now have nothing in the bank today.i am calling gamcare about the therapy counsilling today i cant go on like this..i was up all night till like 5 am and had to get up at 7 with my daughter for school.i feel like i used to after a hangover but much worse when it comes back to me how much money ive blown away on nothing..you forget who you are hurting especially yourself..us addicts seem to have that in common with each other we have a self destruct button and seem to enjoy hurting ourselves and that in itself becomes an addiction...i feel like c**P today i hope your okay x

Hi heuly. Sorry I have only just seen this! Gosh we sound so alike. I hope you are ok today? I always use to say to my friend that I wished there was a free machine we could play in the casino just to pass the time... Then all of a sudden there was. It was exactly like the ones I play, same games etc. I sat on it no longer than 2 minutes as I found it boring! So that means that I enjoy spending my money? I'm glutton for punishment ? I am sick of this! There has been Monday's where I didn't even leave myself money to get what my kids needed for school that week. How selfish is that?! Don't get me wrong, my kids have everything they want and need but they could have a whole lot more as could I! I can't remember the last time I bought myself anything. I would rather save the money and gamble it away like the idiot that I am. It makes me so angry. Only I can change. Only you can change. We must do this!! Xxx

Sometimes I just want to disappear. The shame I feel.... The promises I make that I will stop, never blow my whole salary again. It doesn't last longer than when I get my next lot of money! I'm P****d off most of the time and moody. Really no joy to be around! All for 3 bloody little pink balls or 3 white shells xxx

i know exactly how you feel star the only way to stop this is to get blocks on your computer if its at home you gamble. and only have a phone that doesnt have access to the internet.if you cant access it and its not in front of you it will start to make you stronger.But getting to the route of the problem and getting some therapy will help you make better choices and realise why you feel you need to do it. I have just put a block on my pc its killing me that i dont have access to gambling but i do know if i had kept going like that i wouldnt have been able to go on..we are better than gambling.if you go to casinos or arcades then getting the therapy is the best option as soon as you can..im trying to get therapy ive asked gamcare to put my name down for it but they still havent replied. i know once that block is off i will go back to it again and i just dont want to take anymore chances..gambling thrills me but it will also kill me, Remember how it feels the morning after..maybe staying up all night long and waking up with those tummy cramps knowing youve blown your money. how long can you cope with that and is it worth it as you will never win.you get big wins then you want bigger ones and blow the money again..im saying all this and yet i know im only a step away from gambling again thats why ive put the block on and wont have anything in the house that i can gamble on.thats the only way..you will get withdrawels just like any addiction but they will pass...Think about it try and be strong xx

Ah! I am having strong urges. I really feel like I want to go ☹

last gambled 4th of november. The urges to gamble are stronger than ever..I am awaiting an email from gam care for online counsilling , I have blocked gambling sites on my pc these are mainly my main temptation if its in front of me i cant say no. I know i need to get to the root of why i do this. I know i don't need to do this and deep down i really dont want to but when its staring at me in the face and im stressed and unmotivated its the first thing i want to do and crave..11th of november today it feels like a long path ahead and even though im not gambling i still have those tummy cramps thinking about it. everything reminds me of it on the telly.Music or a picture i will start to hear the slot music running around in my head and i get aggitated as ive blocked it off. So folks 11 of november and i havent gambled ..i hope the next time i write here i can say the same and that all of you find the strength in you to strop destroying yourselves

Star 27 wrote:

keep telling yourself you dont need this it needs you it needs your money. make those important steps to stop as it will only destroy you in the end, like every addiction it starts off as harmless but then it gets to your inner core and slowely starts to pull you down ...good luck x

I thought id mention how awful i felt last night when my partner told me they didn't want to help me financially anymore because they couldn't trust that i wouldn't gamble it away. I obviously spent money on gambling i couldnt afford and now i owe on a loan i got to gamble and a phone bill normally i would have been able to pay. To hear my wife say she had called gamble anonymous for advice made me feel ashamed and embarressed but at the same time annoyed with her for going behind my back for doing that. She of course is helpless as she doesnt understand it and she doesnt want to keep seeing me destroying myself. This reduces her to tears and i get angry with her and cold towards her because shes making me feel so bad but yet im not thinking of how bad shes feeling. she told me she wasnt a never ending supply of money to depend on and that i dont think shes stupid helping me get back on my feet again. And of course shes right even though i dont want to admit she is i should be finding my own way out of my own mess and not ask her to help me at all.its my problem but she loves me so she takes it on as her problem to. Im telling you this because when she said these things to me last night i felt like swearing at her walking out and telling her to stuff her help and her comments towards me and if she didnt like who i was with then find someone else. my first thoughts right then if it was available to me which thankfully it wasnt was to gamble ..listening to the truth is never easy accepting it is even harder..i still havent accepted it but im one day closer to understanding it .i thought id share that with you all .

Hope things are better for you x

april the 7th last time ive gambled.i feel awful.hundreds of pounds down the drain for a thrill for a win..who am i trying to kid ill never win.this is self abuse ..you won on that score..so you achieved your win.feel better now? No i feel like an alcoholic would after his last drink and the damage its done..No one knows this time i was very good at hiding it i achieved that to.I won..but alas whos the loser now...................me