Let's see if this helps...

Thank you samorgo. Well I'm back from shopping and I did manage to find some trousers for Egypt - phew. I can't say that I particularly like them, or me in them but at least I now have them so that's one thing sorted for the holiday.

I rang my mum on the way home (I'm going away with them) for a chat and ended up crying so had to admit my problem to her. It wasn't easy but she listened better than I thought she would have and didn't shout at me. It doesn't change my debt or stupidity but it feels good to have told her the truth.

Good luck to all. 😀

Well, I'm back posting again because I've been stupid again...for a while, and today has proven that I obviously can't control it or stop or ever really win BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP!!!!!

After coming back from a lovely holiday I thought well, let's have a little go and see if I can win back some money to put towards paying off my debts. I'm sure a few of you will realise how quickly that spiralled into, "oh well I must be due a win soon" and so was having a little go on a more regular basis again. These past couple of days have made me realise that I do need to keep posting on here to deal with my problem.

Since Thursday I lost about £900 playing slots online - I'd started again that time as I received £20 free to try a new online machine. I won about £200 and did the clever thing, I banked it. Great I was up (overall I was still thousands in debt but in my stupid head that was a little win for me as I'd won from free money). The withdrawals take longer to process over a long weekend so I ended up thinking my luck was in, cancelling the withdrawal and trying again. I lost, I deposited more each time trying to win it back. I know this is a stupid and familiar story. This morning I thought I'd have one last go and I won a biggish chunk so I banked it but then greed/insanity took over again and I cancelled some of the withdrawals.

I'm still in quite a lot of debt but at least I managed to stop again today before chucking back everything that I'd won and increasing the debt even more. My little spreadsheet that I've created seems to show that I should be debt free in about 5 - 6 years...but that's IF I stick to my plans and don't have any more blips. Things are going to be tight but I WANT to do this, I NEED to do this if I'm ever going to hope to build savings, buy a car, maybe one day a house and meet someone to share my life with.

I guess today is my new first day of trying to stay away from online slot machines! I do want to try but I know it won't be easy as I can't switch off that part of my brain that says "one big win and all the money worries are over". Logically I know that doesn't make sense as it's all the little goes trying to get that one big win that got me in this mess.

Ramble over...well, until tomorrow (or earlier if I feel I need to let off steam).

Hi Veebee

You say that you do want to stop playing on online slots - Would you not consider putting a block on your computer? I had a big gambling problem with online virtual sports that spiralled out of control, leaving me with a huge amount of debt. The best thing I did was to self exclude for the maximum period - 5 years for most and put a block on my computer. I am now heading towards 72 days gamble free because of this and also will power.

I find that when I do get urges (not many) but a good few weeks ago, I experienced a really strong one right out of the blue. I think only for the blocks in place, I may have gambled. The blocks just give you enough time when you do get that urge to think about what you are doing and more importantly, the damage you will end up doing and increasing your debt. Plus with the blocks, there is no way you can bet (if you do it all correctly that is).

I wish you well and do what you need to do if you really do want to quit this terrible addiction for good.

Take care and become stronger each day.

Feb.

Thanks for the post Feb2013 - it's great that you're now on day 72!

I'm trying to develop will power and will try to channel my urges into tidying my flat (it would be a good place to start as I'm currently living like a messy student rather than an adult woman and I hate it!), exercise and dancing.

I've read through a few diaries on here these past few months and the thing that sticks in my mind is that I can't change the past, I can't get back the money I've wasted but I can change the future - one day at a time. It did depress me when I thought about the fact that I'll never be able to save for a deposit on a house as I'm paying off debt. I even calculated what my repayments over the next 5-6 years are (and that would actually make quite a tidy deposit). However that's gone, I can't change it. What I can do though is not waste any more money, keep paying to clear the debt and then in about 5 years time start saving for the future. Yes, I'll be 40, single and without the savings and possessions (house, car) that a 40 year old should have but it could be a lot worse if I don't stop this destructive habit.

Right, I'm off now to try and change my mindset into spending a day blitzing my flat from top to bottom rather than staring at a screen hitting "spin". Oh and if anyone else comments on here feel free to tell me to go and "clean something" or to go and "tidy a room" or "sort a box of clutter" haha.

Right, well I got through today without wasting any of my money gambling. My flat is still a mess but I did do some exercise and some washing so that's one thing ticked off my list for today. I may go and blitz the bathroom before bed and then that'll be another small step on the way of getting my life back on track. Rather a dull post this isn't it, sorry, however I felt it was important to come on here and read a few diaries and post on my own to remind myself why I want to stay away from wasting my money online.

Good luck everyone who is struggling with this nasty addiction!

Right off to bed now but just thought I'd check in and read a couple of diaries and post in my own. Another fairly boring but relaxing day, no gambling and did my exercise dvd again! I'm quite glad to have had a lazy weekend as next weekend I'm at a dance event which will be full on - great fun but no sleep! It'll be good to be surrounded by friends and music though and it'll help me stay away from online slots - the weekends are usually my downfall.

Good luck to everyone.

My first time back here for a while - I was having a pretty low day, I'm still struggling to fight the "woe is me, I'm alone, I'm lonely, I'm in debt for the rest of my life" feelings but it definitely helped to visit the chatroom tonight. The people in there made me feel a little less alone in this situation and it was nice (in a weird way) to offload and at least not cry on my own. Thanks

Morning Veebee,

just to reiterate what i said last night, yes your debts will be a worry for your and it would be worrisome if you didn't face up to it, but please do not let it bring you down (again I know this is difficult). Gambling is certainly not the answer, and with a bit of focus you can start to turn things around. Get some advice on your debt, you won't necessarily have to do a DMP, but you can get something in place. Start to think about doing some nice things for yourself, you probably get the idea.

There is so much support available on the chat and forum, use it and I am sure you will begin to feel a little better. I do hope today you are feeling a little better, and hope to catch up soon.

take care

Phil

Having a couple of better days, I've still got quite a few worries and thoughts on my mind but I'm trying to keep positive and some perspective. The chat room has really helped the last couple of days so I'm going to try to be a regular visitor to that in the evenings.

Just checking in - I didn't use the chatroom tonight as I was watching The Apprentice final. I've really enjoyed this series of it 🙂

Anyway today's been a good day; the sun's been shining again, I didn't gamble, I told my friend/colleague at work that I couldn't make her leaving do due as I couldn't afford it and she was really sweet about it (I'd been really stressing about that) and I'm looking forward to a visit from my parents at the weekend.

Keep strong everyone!

Hi Veebee,

glad the work social is sorted. Sometimes our mind has a habit of thinking the worst, when we are anxious about doing things but in reality these things tend to be not half as bad as our fears, the same may be said for other anxieties you may have.

keep up the great work

Phil

Thanks Phil. I hope so, all I can do is try and deal with whatever comes up as best I can and not let things drag me down before they happen. Trying to keep a smile on my face and to think positively rather than dwelling on the negatives. Hope you're doing ok?

Veebee

Hi Veebee

Its great to read that you're coping admirably and taking stuff in your stride.

It was good to catch up last weekend on chat and I'm pleased to see you're using your diary- I find it so helpful to offload.

Have a great weekend with your parents.

Take care

Irene

x

So I'm back on this forum. I'd love to say that I'd been gamblefree since I was here a few years ago but that's not the case. I just stopped using the forum. I'd not been gambling all the time since leaving the forum but have had good periods and bad periods.

The last year or two has seen quite a lot of bad periods. I got myself into massive debt again through online slots, and my local bingo hall's slots lounge. I hit what I thought was rock bottom and rang my parents and they helped me, again. But stupidly I thought I could fix my money problems quickly by withdrawing "just £250" on my credit card. if i won with that i'd put it in the bank and that would make life easier. Obviously you know the story, it wasn't "just £250", if i lost i'd try again as I had to try to win it back. If I won, I couldn't walk away as "what if I'm on a roll? This could solve all my problems if i hit the big one!"

I reached rock bottom again on Wednesday and had to ring my parents again. I thought that would be it for them with me, but they are amazing and are supporting me again. Obviously they are disappointed and worried about me but they are BRILLIANT!!!!

I am now back here, I used the chat room this evening, and someone from GamCare is going to contact me about counselling on Tuesday. I need to stop, I need to sort this. I want to start waking up each day feeling positive and excited about the future rather than thinking "meh, another day to get through".

It's time to get my s**t together!

Day 3 of no gambling for me. I've watched a few documentaries on youtube about the slot machines and so much rings true. Particularly the "no win would ever be enough to walk away" and "it you play once you MAY win but if you play every day you WILL lose". Hopefully not gambling will stick for me this time.