Life begins again

Hi S,

Are ya having lazy Sunday? Where is your daily check in? 😉

Keep winning my friend, keep enjoying your life away from destruction!

High five, proud of ya!

Sandra

Hi Suzanne,

It's lovely to see you continue to be so positive about recovery. The year goal is in sight now for you. You have learned so much about gambling addiction and you are so generous with your time on this forum. Be good to yourself too!!!

Take care,

Suzy

i Good afternoon diary.

349 days since I self destructed through the stupid ridiculous, hideous illusion of that gambling addiction, that will always be there now, dormant

P

oor niggling, or probing, but every day I abstain and maintain there is only one winner and that is me HD indeed.

I have and still am learning every day on my recovery journey, simply by reading other diarists posts.and of course by learning from my own journey.

It's been strange on the forum the last 10 days or so, with some very unusual posts, Stephen 2015 was totally out of what can I say, except normal behaviour, it was directed at me too, and yet I still sent him a message giving him my support because he needs professional help, he still needs our help, he was crying out for it, and he stabbed us in the back for wanting it, frustration. and anger led him to say stuff he did not really mean.

I took it , and I had the help from Sandra and Duncs reassuring me of his words.

But then he said something to Sandra, while she was trying to help him, (bearing in mind that our S is quite fragile) and that was out of order, we don't knock the ones who are down already, I am not sure how I will follow my support through with Stephen now, will just wait and see if he updates, but an opology would be nice for our Sandra. We are not here to judge anybody and as CGs we don't, because we understand each other, but we certainly have drawn the line when we knock other CGs when they are trying to help.

Next thought, NT, He has rightly so been frustrated this week with a question about helping deaf people, he should at least be getting a response by now, I know it is not having an effect on his recovery because he is so strong now, but as CGs any negative can be a trigger.

Next thought.

Some idiot was allowed to post about HAVING a gamble, jeez encouraging it, what was that about, I am somewhat hardened to the slips that come through here from stupid negative posts, but the newbies and the very vulnerable are not.

Next thought.

I am frustrated because some diarist posted a very strong message yesterday that will only help us all, but I can't find it to reply, and having been on here every day I do know how to get around lol, and I can't find it to reply.

That person mentioned , to carry on gambling only gives us this,

Debt,

Prison,

Death

Very strong words but that is what continuing to gamble will lead us to, I am already at stage one, heavy debt, and I have no intention of getting to stage 2, never mind stage 3.

Thank you for pointing out these very poignent thoughts am just sorry I can't find your post to personally reply.

I would love today to send a message to everyone on here giving them my support, and all those that have come and gone, I wish you all the very best with your fight to overcome this horrendous addiction,

It's not easy to permantly abstain and maintain, but by sticking together, whether it be GA meetings, this forum, other forums, outside contact we do unite and help each other.

The 2015 challenge is important to me because I know It is a team mission, and Phil is doing an amazing job, can I just state, please check in on time, it only takes a minute, I know he worries, ( and he won't like me saying this )

I have learnt something important to me and my recovery on here from 2 dear friends on here.

Duncs has always said take what you want from here to keep your recovery positive and disregard the negative posts if it does not help your recovery, Duncs knows I do that .

Steve (delboygolf) if things gets tough just concentrate on him in the forum, and not get stressed or negative, and he has proved that soo right too. He has given me unconditional support every day on and off here if needed.

So after all that rambling, am I disappointed, upset, annoyed even with this forum, HELL NO, it has been my life saviour, it has been my rock to be able to stay in recovery, I will always be eternally grateful to finding this place, and the amazing people I have had the honour to be walking along side ( and those that have left) I will never forget.

We are all in this together whether day 1 or 1000 every single day/ minute / sometimes second/ we abstain we should be very proud, because we can never forget that we can never underestimate the power of this addiction and what is does to us.

Another thought diary,

Dans last post very very true and I love the words about the ullusion and comfort that we feel in recovery. Your words are sometimes strong Dan, but soo very true and necessary for us CGs that want to committ to 100 % recovery.

Thank you everyone because every post I read strengthens my recovery and for some silly lady that got 100% hooked to slots for 8 years and lost my way/ life at that time, because online slots is the cream of the gambling you can lose 1000s every 5 minutes and I did, and lost my life for 8 years. It went real money in my gambling head when all I had to do was click on repeat on my banking, repeat, repeat, repeat, etc, ohh whoops I have deposited 1000 in one hour, (even though I had won double back) ooohh.

Never mind I will get another 1000 PD loan out to get my losses back, ohh whoops again, another PD loan and did not win at all, and that one was a PD loan on my OHs without him knowing.

Thank you so much for this amazing forum and all of you lovely people on here because my life is not like that at this time, and if I stay with my recovery it never will be again. With the strength I get from myself and the strength I get from here.

Wishing everyone a safe, and lovely gambling free Sunday.

Suzanne xxx

Looks like I may have been edited ohh, whoops, still love this forum, because it has been a life line for me.

XXXXXXXX

Suzanne what a brilliant post. It had the hairs in my arms standing up.You are such a special person giving up your time helping other people. Keep up the good fight

Tut tut Suzzzzane 😉 joining naughty rank of edited authors? Must b doing something right to get "helped" straight away lol, beady eyes watching ya..be scareddd lol

Hey girl..me not fragile...i'm telling ya, i am getting stronger by the day! I am made of steel 😉

You gotta keep concentrating on yourself gal. Don't let others affect you. You can take as much as ya want from positive posts, but don't let it dig too deep on negative ones.asking for help is not easy....accepting one is even harder.

I'm a little autta breath now, but shall catch up with ya later.

Be proud, you are amazing soul and really needed on this site. Your commitment and determination is admirable

Keep on keeping on!

S x

Naughty Blondie...I fear an email coming your way 😉 Shame the moderators weren't so quick to remove the vile threatening post you spoke about! I note that Dan has asked a question about this & they have suggested an email with concerns...It makes no sense that these would get picked up any faster than a flag (although my fat fingers have on occasion flagged the odd one in error & there is no changing your mind once you hit it) but I guess it's worth a shot! I want this to be the safe place to everyone that we know it to be & hate the thought of newbies coming on & seeing gambling glorified!

A bad few posts will not affect our recoveries & never forget, (she won't mind me saying this, I am sure) Sandra is made of steel so she will survive 😉

Hope it's warmed up a bit up there now? The sun's been battling the wind here all afternoon & I joined throngs of people heading out to the garden centre this afternoon where there were practically fights breaking out over car park spaces! Finally laid my hands on half a whiskey barrel only to discover the palm that I have been trying to kill for the last 6 months doesn't fit in that either 🙁

HD - It sure turned out nice again 🙂

Great post Suzanne, without you this site would not have half the influence needed for cg's like me, you are truly a saviour.

Morning Suzanne.
350 days is a fantastic round number.
You are an inspiration to this site.
Have a great day.
Steve xxx

Thanks all for your very kind and supportive messages.

Good morning diary,

350 is a lovely round number Steve lol, it makes me 50 whole weeks today of being gamble free, WOW, hard to believe sometimes, as it was my life 24/7, I haven't totally broken the evil spell, but I am in control of making the right choice and that simply is no gambling today.

Feeling good today because my life is as normal as it can be at this time, simply because I have no wish or desire to place even one silly little bet. it really seems like another life now,

Wishing everyone a strong, positive and happy gambling free day.

Suzanne xx

Big congrats on 50 weeks, you should be so proud. Thank you for the support and continue to enjoy your new life and the celebration of going a whole year bet free, your so close to one heck of a mileston, awesome stuff!

Well done on an amazing 50 weeks/250 days gamble free what an amazing achievement you have come a long way and so close to that elusive year now.

Looks like you have an exciting time coming up with the hols and move the future looks very bright for you and I wish you all the best. Thanks also for your continued support on my own diary really does make a difference.

Hey up Blondie, not sure why but those half centuries do look good written down 🙂

Keep winning ODAAT - Juuuuune

Thanks for the post on my diary, really means alot when other people take the time to comment, a big well done on 50 weeks ,what an achievment keep up the good work 🙂

Hi Suzanne,

Just dropped in to say congrats on 350 days!!! Sounds even better than 50 weeks. It wasn't easy on the way but you are doing fantastic. Very proud to be walking alongside you. Take care, Suzy