Life begins again

Hi Suzanne

FYI, something I wrote on my diary today :-

"Just to add Suzanne's comments, I once went out with £200, plus £400 at the ATM, but three hours later ended up walking home in the rain because I didn't have £1.20 for the bus fare..............."

Paul

Hi Suzanne,

I have been pretty shut down, closed. Thank you for seeing "me" past my pain. I know it ain't easy. You're a gem Suzanne. Keep on shining. -joanxxx

Hi S,
Thanks for dropping by always good to see you
As said you know where I am and keep looking forward, never back or you may have an accident!!! :0)
Take good care
big ((((hugs))))
Cheryl xxxxx

Thanks Suzanne,

You're a peach :-). You've done so well, and always manage to say the right thing. Patience isn't my forte, and it was lack of patience that saw me off Gamcare before. Do you ever imagine a life away from this? I always wonder that of you and Duncs, you are both so giving, but don't you want to just forget all about gambling and get on with your life? I truly hope that one day I won't give gambling a second thought, and hate the idea that if I'm committed to quitting, that means being mindful of it every day for the rest of my life :-(.

Anyway, thanks for dropping by Suzanne.

x

Good morning diary,

683 days today and not even one single penny spent on any form of gambling.

My recovery rollercoaster ride continues forwards even if some days I just want to get off the ride, but jeez my life has completely changed this I started this journey, so on my low days I just step back and recharge(if that makes sense)

I know today that I must never take money for granted again, never take my OH for granted again, and never take my life for granted again, I know that changes don't happen with a fairy godmother waving a magic wand to make everything ok again,

Changes happen when we choose to change, whether it be our life styles, behaviour, attitude etc, it's only us that can change these things.

As with addictions, we will only change / stop, if we really want to from deep inside, because even if/when we hit our own individual rock bottoms, unless we really want to stop, we won't.

What I am finding is its not having money again to buy everyday stuff and pay bills, my recovery journey has given me the strength to deal/cope with life's ups and downs in a calmer and more to nderstanding way (if that makes sense) I am getting on with my life and am appreciating it, silly thing to say I appreciate my life, but I really do, there is so much to look forward to as long as I abstain and keep maintaining my life, I have everything on my door step, why on earth did I want more, (but it wasn't me it was this horrendous addiction) I wasn't being greedy but as the losses grew, I chased and chased to get the money back, not for me for my family. But that again was the addiction.

It still tries to worm it's way back in, at times, but my future 100% outweighs any stupid whimp from my addiction. and it hates that.

Even when all my energy is drained, and negative thoughts come through, I am stronger than this addiction and that is because I value my own recovery more than any thing else, it may feel fragile at times, but fragile things should be handles with care, and I am not that stupid to let addictive stones and then bricks be thrown onto my recovery lol.

Have been in a fragile place these last couple of weeks, being impatient is definitely work in progress, but because of the lovely folk from here who have been in touch outside of here, I have been able to kick start again lol,

Feeling sorry for ourselves is one of the biggest negatives going, and a selfish one lol, but I have once again moved on from those thoughts,

I want to give my sincerest thanks to this forum and all the lovely folk on here, we are all on the same boat, even though we are all quite unique in our own journeys, it would be quite silly to rock the boat that we are on ourselves.

Thank you all for sharing your journeys, I have learnt soo very much from this place, have made some lovely friends on here,whom I want to meet in 3D (when I move) lol, big sighhh) and do you know what dear diary, I am still learning more and more from here every day:))) and that is sooo positive for me.

Wishing everyone a strong, positive and calm gambling free day.

Suzanne xx

Hi,

Thanks for popping over and posting on my diary.

This recovery journey makes us all feel fragile from time to time. This forum can be enlightening but on some days can be very draining.

It always easier for an outsider to say but things will happen when its meant to be.

Have a fab friday.

Best wishes x

A great, positive post Suzanne. Congratulations on your recovery so far. 683 days! Wow! Impressive. Long may it continue.

I wished wrote:

Good morning diary,

683 days today and not even one single penny spent on any form of gambling.

My recovery rollercoaster ride continues forwards even if some days I just want to get off the ride, but jeez my life has completely changed this I started this journey, so on my low days I just step back and recharge(if that makes sense)

I know today that I must never take money for granted again, never take my OH for granted again, and never take my life for granted again, I know that changes don't happen with a fairy godmother waving a magic wand to make everything ok again,

Changes happen when we choose to change, whether it be our life styles, behaviour, attitude etc, it's only us that can change these things.

As with addictions, we will only change / stop, if we really want to from deep inside, because even if/when we hit our own individual rock bottoms, unless we really want to stop, we won't.

What I am finding is its not having money again to buy everyday stuff and pay bills, my recovery journey has given me the strength to deal/cope with life's ups and downs in a calmer and more to nderstanding way (if that makes sense) I am getting on with my life and am appreciating it, silly thing to say I appreciate my life, but I really do, there is so much to look forward to as long as I abstain and keep maintaining my life, I have everything on my door step, why on earth did I want more, (but it wasn't me it was this horrendous addiction) I wasn't being greedy but as the losses grew, I chased and chased to get the money back, not for me for my family. But that again was the addiction.

It still tries to worm it's way back in, at times, but my future 100% outweighs any stupid whimp from my addiction. and it hates that.

Even when all my energy is drained, and negative thoughts come through, I am stronger than this addiction and that is because I value my own recovery more than any thing else, it may feel fragile at times, but fragile things should be handles with care, and I am not that stupid to let addictive stones and then bricks be thrown onto my recovery lol.

Have been in a fragile place these last couple of weeks, being impatient is definitely work in progress, but because of the lovely folk from here who have been in touch outside of here, I have been able to kick start again lol,

Feeling sorry for ourselves is one of the biggest negatives going, and a selfish one lol, but I have once again moved on from those thoughts,

I want to give my sincerest thanks to this forum and all the lovely folk on here, we are all on the same boat, even though we are all quite unique in our own journeys, it would be quite silly to rock the boat that we are on ourselves.

Thank you all for sharing your journeys, I have learnt soo very much from this place, have made some lovely friends on here,whom I want to meet in 3D (when I move) lol, big sighhh) and do you know what dear diary, I am still learning more and more from here every day:))) and that is sooo positive for me.

Wishing everyone a strong, positive and calm gambling free day.

Suzanne xx

Many positives in there thanks Suzanne

Thanks for the share on my diary. Appreciated from your no.1 stalker. 🙂

Morning Suzanne! Yes we have known each other for 2 years. Doesn't time fly when your having fun lol.
685 days is a magnificent achievement!
Staying 39 days firmly behind me.
Love Steve xxx

686 and not a penny spent on gambling, a truly remarkable achievement!

Great stuff Suzanne.

Paul

Wow suzzane...what a great number to see...massive respect for you girl....xxx

Fantastic post Suzanne. Keep racking up those days and never ever stop being you. joanxxx

Your diary is amazing its took 2 days for me to read all of it . Reading your diary has gave me a future to know that I can get rid of this disease that's eating away at mybrain.thank you for your inspiration.

Hi Suzanne, thanks for the post Thursday, yes I was away from it all for a few days, its beginned to hit home, that saying you can never win. I have stopped for good now, I have a level of funds which I said in my mind i would never go below ( a rock bottom level), I keep reading parts of your diary - makes so much sense to a cg. So I am going to be on this site for a long time now, no quitting now. How are you ? Any luck with the house yet? - Paul

Hi Suzanne, you O.K ?., when I didn't post you used to check on me, so I guess I am returning the check ! From your recent posts I can see you are having a tough time (but not from gambling), so I am sending you a big cyberspace hug, here's hoping the house goes shortly - Paul