Life With Sports Bets Only

Hi @slowlearner

Thanks for for post - couldn't find your diary (if you have one!) so replying here - hope Santa brought you the Merson book and you are surviving ok today with Boxing Day a big gambling day.

Seasons Greetings

Captain 

Hi Captain,

The Church service sounds like a great night. It’s good to hear the happiness in your words. 

We’ve had a lovely couple of days. Two Christmas dinners - one of our family traditions. But just really watched festive rubbish on the tv and chatted and laughed.

It’s funny (not literally) you mention about your Mother ageing. My Brother said to me just this evening how it makes him feel sad to see our Parents getting older. Like you, it was only a few years ago they would be entertaining us, cooking Christmas dinner for six, and a buffet in the evening. Obviously this last year has had a massive impact on our Dad, but God willing, he will next year make some improvement. I guess it’s our turn now to care for them the way they have cared for us. Makes me a bit emotional… It goes without saying I hope things improve for your Mother too Captain ❤️ 

Please please do watch Love Actually at the next opportunity. I can’t tell you how much I love it. I realise you may not, we all have different things we like. But, it’s got so much in it. Comedy, drama, sadness. It’s just a truly wonderful film. If you tell me you don’t like it I will be seriously disappointed!

Yes, Boxing Day is a big gambling day. I saw there was racing on this afternoon. And obviously football. Arsenal still doing well, albeit they were away to (poor old) Norwich. My Dad was happy Brighton beat Brentford.

No doubt many newcomers will find themselves at Gamcare seeking help in the New Year. ☹️what with having plenty of time on their hands over this period.

Things will be pretty quiet here tomorrow. Mum and Dad are still here. Not sure when they will go home. I’ll leave it for them to decide. 

No more Christmas music for me… ☹️

Night night Captain,

Tizzy xxx

Evening Captain,

Liked your quote very much. So true! 

Parents are still here, hopefully they’ll be here until after the New Year. OH had to take Dad to hospital today to have his dressings changed. All looked healthy, which is good. My OH didn’t mind, he is pretty good like that. 

We watched the last episode of A Very British Scandal tonight. It wasn’t bad. Different to most of the stuff we watch. 

I think you will be of help to some of the newbies that find themselves at Gamcare in the coming weeks. One of the problems with being addicted to gambling is not realising you are actually addicted. I can’t make comparisons to other addictions as I’ve not experienced them, maybe it’s the same, denial. But, it took many years for me to even realise I was addicted. I thought the *love* I felt whilst playing was just an oddity within me. I have no doubt that many, many people out there are in the same predicament. 

I’ve been trying to decide what we’re going to eat NYE.  OH and I will have a few drinks. Mum will have some wine. Dad probably won’t drink anything. Since his op he cannot stand the taste of lager, he used to love it! I don’t want to cook a dinner. I don’t want buffet (we had that Christmas and Boxing night) I’m thinking a pizza and Caesar Salad later on. Crisps and dips etc with the Prosecco ?

I’ve got 9 for lunch NYD. I froze a turkey crown prior to Christmas when my daughter went down with covid. So I’ll get that out, otherwise it’ll just sit in the freezer taking up room! My daughter went out today, first time since being positive. She tested negative yesterday and today. 

How will you see The New Year in? Will you have a drink? Some nibbles? To be honest, I think the past few years I’ve been in bed by 10! I’m a bit of a party pooper really. I usually get woken up by the fireworks at midnight. And our dog going ballistic as she hates them!

I hope you’re feeling ok and are enjoying your time off work. 

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain, Tizzy, and several other posters I've read in this diary (sorry I haven't managed to start one myself yet).

I really wanted to say that this diary has been the most amazing post for discussing some of the most crucial aspects of our particular issues (as Gamcare users/CGs).

I actually started to 'read' your posts here many years ago, when you first started it Captain. At the time, I was still embroiled heavily in some terrible gambling. I even searched for your username on here in that period when you stopped posting, as I wanted to find it again. Since this diary restarted I have also found the issues you and others post about here, so true to me.

I have posted briefly about my problems with both regret and the remaining need for the missing activity here, though some posts on here hit the nail on the head better than I could have said it so far. The paradox of wanting to still have something, which at the same time feels like it took part of our lives from us (sections of the past). I have that paradox in my mind constantly, since I (mostly) stopped all gambling over a year ago.

I suffer from deep feelings of regret, and I noticed that you too Captain spoke of feeling 'robbed' of a past life - I certainly have those feelings. Someone posted back to me that you cannot dwell though, it is impossible to change, so I agree and try to think forwards now.

I also resonate on the 'void' feelings very much though - and it has caused me some (variable) lapsing into gambling still in my life. One of my problems is that some of my gambling past was enjoyable and social in nature - I miss that part, even though some people I used to enjoy it with are exactly those who would want to stop me now (for example my wife, who shared some gambling aspects with me in the past).

It's a complicated mess really isn't it - or at least I am in my thinking about it all!?

Sorry if this was a ramble taking up your great diary, but just wanted to contact you after a long time reading and following your posts.

John.

Hey Captain, 

I hope you’re well. Great poem, you have a talent. If I’m honest I tried to think of one to send back to you. Alas, I have nor the patience or words to be able to do so! 

Hi to John too, I just read your post on this thread. I agree with what you’ve said about my BFF The Captain. I relate to much he has said. I think knowing other people out there share the same feelings and views certainly helps us. I wish you well. 

No real news here Captain. Although my Father seems to be improving slightly, which is a positive. They’re going home on Sunday. Christmas decs remain in place until Monday ???

Feel a little fed up. I always do at this time of year. I always think back to a week ago - Christmas Eve tomorrow. Just makes me sad, gone for another year ?

Have you started to watch A Very British Scandal yet? We’ve been at a loss with what to watch. I think viewing has been pretty lousy this Christmas ?

If I don’t manage to get on tomorrow, I’d like to wish you a healthy New Year Captain. I hope it has improvements for you, and that we can aim to get you to a 7/10…..and maybe an occasional 8! We can but hope. 

Your BFF Tizzy xx

Hi Both again,

I just wanted to add another point here (seemed most pertinent on this specific post/discussion, and thank you for your earlier reply on my other post Captain).

I know that sometime back on this post, you were using what you called 'random free' gambling activity Captain. I sometimes use a similar term which would be 'limited gambling', and I have been doing that on and off, at times since I (nearly) stopped all my gambling entirely over a year ago. I can also see similar mentioned by Tizzy in some of her posts in this diary.

I just wondered, what exactly do you think it was that made this approach fail for you Captain? As I can see you no longer advise that and advocate abstinence instead. But, you also said earlier it worked for a considerable time for you, before it then didn't? What happened to change, do you think?

Cheers for any thoughts,

John.

Hi John

I'll let Tizzy reply separately without commenting on her position and focus on my own. ( But we have become something of a partnership over 2021 🙂 )

OK not sure how much of my diary you have read so I'll do a summary based on your point - had I only ever gambled on advanced sports bets where I studied and gambled with knowledge  (Football, Golf, Tennis, Snooker, Racing), I wouldnt be a compulsive gambler and would never have had a problem. Not saying I would have won loads but wouldnt have lost much either, would just have been a nice hobby.

But I couldn't just stick to my advance bets. Sure I have had successful periods sticking to the above, of up to a year, but I couldn't sustain it long term. Why?

Well firstly, because like most CGs, I cannot ACCEPT LOSS. So sometimes when my original selections were unsuccessful, I chased losses and began gambling on other things, namely other horses, dogs and the worst of all, Virtual racing. This is what I termed 'random gambling', a quick look at the form, or picking a 'lucky' number, name, colour etc. - far removed from gambling calmly on things I had knowledge of. And also during periods when my sports of choice didnt offer me anything I wanted to bet on, I just craved gambling, and random was always there, firstly in shops and then online.

Secondly, although I used a combination of willpower, counselling, much help on here and filling my time up with other things to get me through the periods of abstinence from 'random', it was d**n hard - I wasnt celebrating happy in the knowledge I was abstaining, I was still operating missing something.

So what was I missing - well basically, a form of escape and dealing with stress and the buzz. My 'normal' gambling was calm and thought through and not a problem. But as well as doing 'random' gambling to chase losses, I also used it to escape from the aspects of my life which I couldn't cope with, to deal with stress, and for the buzz to give me a 'lift' which made me feel better about myself, helped me cope, got me through the day, enabled me to work better. ( Of course this is all based on the times random was successful, but when it wasnt it just made things worse, financial and otherwise)

On the subject of the buzz we get from gambling, took me many years to realise that is all most are craving - we dont really believe we will make money, when we win we dont do anything with the winnings, its just ammunition for next time. When CGs lose, its not so much about the regret and pain of loss (although not belittling how hard that is), but our thoughts immediately turn to ' How much have I got left?' or ' Where and when can I get more money?' - so its all about getting that ammunition to get back into the action.

Summary - I have spent 12 years on here and for most I was determined to gamble in limited fashion and dug my heels in firmly when others said I couldn't do it and supported others who wanted to gamble in control. I will never tell anyone who thinks that they can limit their gambling that its impossible  - as above I've managed it myself for some long periods - but for most it won't work permanently and therefore my advice to all newcomers now is to find other hobbies and pastimes and not end up spending years chasing rainbows and having negative effects on their finances and lives in general -  dont end up like me at 55 who was forced to stop to keep living in my house.

If you think you can limit to affordable amounts and events and limited time then I'm not going to say dont do it John, only you know the full detail and issues caused to yourself and others in the past and I know you won't want to take actions which add to your existing regret.

It aint going away.

Captain 

Thanks so much for that very detailed reply Captain, appreciate it.

I think we are very similar in some respects, probably why I was so drawn to your posts over this diary. Like you, I had specific areas of very carefully planned gambling activity. I also had the more 'random' and crazy forms of gambling that lurked around me and sometimes just simply took over in every way. Those were the activities that ruined me financially essentially.

As for my much more carefully planned activity, I know for certain it was and did make me quite a bit of money. Like you, if I'd only ever stayed with that, I wouldn't be typing this now, and would likely still be quite happy and afluent. Without going into great detail I had a certain area of speciality, which also relied on some very good contacts and communications, all of which was consistently effective. This area was betting on TV programmes (e.g. Xfactor, Big brother, etc). I knew things many others didn't, and that worked in my favour consistently.

But, exactly like yourself, I couldn't stick to just doing that - I wanted horses, football, snooker, rugby, poker etc etc etc. And you can guess how all of those things went for me - rapidly into a big hole.

The crazy thing was I even got limited by several of my bookmakers for making too much on the TV markets. Yet at the same time I was actually losing overall due to the other sports betting and Poker. Madness, that I was so successful at one thing, and yet so terrible overall.

The rather ironic part of all this is that my current situation means I do much less TV betting (have basically stopped it), and the only real small betting I have done in any recent times is some very small bets on sports - the exact area I was terrible at. My wife knew I won consistently on TV show betting, but now refuses to watch any of those, as she knows my gambling overall was terrible.

What a mess we put ourselves in sometimes, despite our ability to avoid the pitfalls, ay? 🙂 

John.

Hi Captain, 

Theres so been so many things you’ve said over the past 9 months that I agree with, that I relate to. Your response to John is no different. It’s weird, but as I read your words, I got excited. I’m not exactly sure why, but I believe it’s because it makes me feel happy that I’m not the only one. I feel happy that someone else sees things almost EXACTLY as I do. Yes, maybe our reasons for gambling were different, our poison is completely different. Our actions aren’t. That’s why we’re CG’s. And it sounds like John isn’t dissimilar (Hello John) I’ve mentioned before, I didn’t realise I was a CG for a long, long time. Because, like you both, I had what I referred to as a “mechanism”….. I made money. And all the while I was winning I had no problem. The problem only happened because as Captain said, we CANNOT ACCEPT LOSS. 

I’m a very peed off Gooner tonight Captain. I know you won’t have watched our game today against City, but we absolutely deserved something out of that game. Disappointed with a capital *D*. Also, it would have made the race for the title (for Liverpool & Chelsea) a little more open. Tomorrow’s another day eh? 

Need my sleep tonight, didn’t get to sleep until 2am last night! Not because I was up partying. I was in bed by 10:30, but of course the fireworks went on until 1am and it took forever for our dog to calm down! 

Speak soon,

Tizzy xxx

Posted by: captain46

 

 

But I couldn't just stick to my advance bets. Sure I have had successful periods sticking to the above, of up to a year, but I couldn't sustain it long term. Why?

Well firstly, because like most CGs, I cannot ACCEPT LOSS. So sometimes when my original selections were unsuccessful, I chased losses and began gambling on other things, namely other horses, dogs and the worst of all, Virtual racing. This is what I termed 'random gambling', a quick look at the form, or picking a 'lucky' number, name, colour etc. - far removed from gambling calmly on things I had knowledge of. And also during periods when my sports of choice didnt offer me anything I wanted to bet on, I just craved gambling, and random was always there, firstly in shops and then online.

Secondly, although I used a combination of willpower, counselling, much help on here and filling my time up with other things to get me through the periods of abstinence from 'random', it was d**n hard - I wasnt celebrating happy in the knowledge I was abstaining, I was still operating missing something.

So what was I missing - well basically, a form of escape and dealing with stress and the buzz. My 'normal' gambling was calm and thought through and not a problem. But as well as doing 'random' gambling to chase losses, I also used it to escape from the aspects of my life which I couldn't cope with, to deal with stress, and for the buzz to give me a 'lift' which made me feel better about myself, helped me cope, got me through the day, enabled me to work better. ( Of course this is all based on the times random was successful, but when it wasnt it just made things worse, financial and otherwise)

Hi Captain,

I've just been re-reading this section of your post, and wondered about one question. I can totally understand all your points about the difficulty in staying 'random free' for all those reasons you stated - loss chasing, need for buzz etc. I too have experienced both those issues, as I'm sure many have.

But, I also presume those reasons were also potentially present even in the periods where you were successful at remaining 'random free' also? You did say it was hard, but also that you managed it for those periods. Was there a difference somehow, when you did manage to resist the temptations and difficulties, to the time when you couldn't?

All the best,

John.

Hi John 

Good question, and 2 answers:

For the first year I did ‘random free’, I was really focused and determined to prove I could do it, both for myself and to others on here at the time who I was regularly corresponding with, who were a combination of those supporting me and some in direct opposition and who wanted me kicked off the Forum for not practising complete abstinence. Within a month of my first full year I had relapsed, I had achieved what I set out to do but it was only a matter of time, I had to breathe out and intake the release of random which I had been missing.

During other successful periods of abstinence from random, they coincided with other elements of my life being more settled e.g. less stress at work, being in a relationship, having a clear vision of how to keep paying off my debts, confidence gained from being able to buy a new car. 

Trouble is none of these things were long lasting or permanent. But there’s a message in there somewhere- if other parts of your life are settled and enable you to be happy and content, then the gambling part can either exist in moderation or not exist at all.

It ain’t going away

Captain 

Evening Captain,

We took my parents home this afternoon. They were going to go yesterday, but we took Dad to have his booster jab, so they stopped another night. Yes, it’s quieter. I love having them here, I really do, but I’m some ways it’s nice to get the place to yourselves again. 

We all started watching The Tourist last night. It’s a difficult one to call. It was a bit slow. Very mysterious. The verdict’s still out. We’ve watched 2, I think there are 6, all of which are available on iplayer. 

Going back to Arsenal, I was very disappointed, am glad you agree we were unlucky. But yes, totally different team to that of a few months ago. Arteta’s future looks a bit brighter ?

We took our decorations down today. We’re having our Grandson tomorrow. Christmas will be long forgotten (sadly)…. this last week I’ve woken up a bit sad. For me, I forget all my woes and worries, Christmas takes over, naturally. Maybe that’s what you do too ??‍♀️ Is it Wednesday you return to work? Working from home still I assume? 

It’s time for episode 3… I’ll keep you updated ?

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

The house looks bare now with no Christmas decorations. Strange isn’t it, but it always happens! 

Work tomorrow for you. Back to reality, back to the norm. ?

It is strange that one of your local bookies closed. I too thought they made loads of money. Maybe they’ve lost a lot of their custom to the online companies, possibly because of covid. 

I still go to land bingo. But bingo is all I play because I meet someone there (along with my OH) who hates slots and cannot stand to see me playing them. So I respect that as I care for them. I guess it helps my situation, as there I don’t get tempted. As you know, bingo is not a trigger for me and it’s certainly not something I’ve ever wanted to stop. Sometimes I go “shopping”, just me and my OH, to a different place. But I haven’t been for weeks. Probably 4 at least. Merely because I don’t want to spend lots of money. And over Xmas and New Year I didn’t want a downer because I’d spent money. 

We watched episode 4 of The Tourist. It reminds me of Fargo. Not sure if you watched that. We started to a few years ago, but it wasn’t our cup of tea so we stopped. It’s a bit stupid tbh, but you know what it’s like when you get so far, you just gotta finish it! ?

Hope your day goes ok tomorrow BFF.

Sweet dreams, 

Tizzy xxx

Posted by: captain46

Hi John 

Good question, and 2 answers:

For the first year I did ‘random free’, I was really focused and determined to prove I could do it, both for myself and to others on here at the time who I was regularly corresponding with, who were a combination of those supporting me and some in direct opposition and who wanted me kicked off the Forum for not practising complete abstinence. Within a month of my first full year I had relapsed, I had achieved what I set out to do but it was only a matter of time, I had to breathe out and intake the release of random which I had been missing.

During other successful periods of abstinence from random, they coincided with other elements of my life being more settled e.g. less stress at work, being in a relationship, having a clear vision of how to keep paying off my debts, confidence gained from being able to buy a new car. 

Trouble is none of these things were long lasting or permanent. But there’s a message in there somewhere- if other parts of your life are settled and enable you to be happy and content, then the gambling part can either exist in moderation or not exist at all.

It ain’t going away

Captain 

Thanks for your detailing of points there Captain, appreciate your time posting as always.

I agree about the wider life issues - I think that goes both for your explanation of being random free here, as well as one of the root causes of our problem gambling. I firmly believe if we were totally happy in other areas of life, we would never generate our gambling problems either.

It is a big area, and not a simple one, for sure.

All the best,

John.

Hi Captain,

After Christmas there’s a big thud - back to reality. If one’s reality is good, then that thud isn’t too bad. I don’t need to say anymore… For me, as I said previously (I think) I look so forward to Christmas, it takes up so much of my thoughts, especially with entertaining - what food to buy, how to cook it, timings…the list goes on. But it’s wonderful being consumed with festive thoughts, so much so that I kind of enter a little bubble where all worry and negative thoughts can’t get at me! I don’t have big worries, but normal ones as we get older. And obviously I worry about my Dad ❤️

Are you religious Captain? I’m not what I would class religious. I believe in God. I don’t go to Church. I rarely pray. I’ve nothing against it, I’ve often thought about going. But sadly it’s been one of those things I think about, but don’t make the effort to do. 

Are there many new faces in the chatrooms? There seems to be more posts on the diaries/forums. I had to go to the second page to find yours this evening!

I have a lay in tomorrow - not that I’ll use it. But it’s nice going to bed knowing I haven’t got to get up early. I have a pretty easy life. For that I’m lucky. 

Yes, get your thinking cap on Captain, I’m happy to continue our little game! 

Tizzy xxx